All Seeing Eye

Question Time LiveBlog 26th January 2012

2012-01-26T17:16:00.001+01:00

Tonight Question Time comes from Plymouth.

David Dimbleby is joined by Conservative MP Liz Truss, Lib-Dem Foreign Office Minister Jeremy Browne, Labour's David Lammy, ex Socialist Workers Party member Mark Steel and Mail columnist Melanie Phillips.

A note to all contributors: humour is good, sarcasm is fine, biting wit is even better but direct threats of violence and disgusting language are not acceptable. We will not add such comments. Have fun - but be good now...

Your Moderators line-up consists of David Vance, David Mosque and TheEye.

It's a 10:30pm kick off and we'll be staying open for This Week too. See you here later!

Question Time 26th January 2012

Abortion Adverts On UK TV

2012-01-21T18:09:00.000+01:00

Or alternatively "Unexpecting The Expected"...we see on SkyNews: Row Over TV Adverts For Abortion Clinics

Firms offering terminations will be able to promote their services on air from the end of April as long as they are not seen as harmful, offensive or misleading.

Just imagine:

"Have you had an accident in the last 9 months that wasn't your fault?"

Anyway, there are already adverts for abortion on UK television...they are called 'The Jeremy Kyle Show'.

Question Time LiveBlog 19th January 2012

2012-01-19T14:10:00.001+01:00

Tonight Question Time comes from Shrewsbury.

David Dimbleby is joined by Conservative Party co-ChairmanBaroness Warsi, Shadow Education spokesweasel Stephen Twigg, enviro-loon Caroline Lucas, mad-as-a-box-of-frogs Germaine Greer and lone ray of hope for common sense Charles Moore

Your Moderators line-up consists of David Vance, David Mosque and TheEye.

It's a 10:30pm kick off and we'll be staying open for This Week too. See you here later!

Question Time 19th January 2012

DownFall Does Scottish Independence II

2012-01-17T01:17:00.002+01:00

...and so it all went wrong. In the blink of an eye a perfectly close-to-the-knuckle joke has cost Tom Harris MP a completely non-job as Labour (who they?) Twitter Tsar (what that?).

Microdave reacted quickly in the Comments here and by that point events were already...eventing...

So let us consider two things..secondly the Telegraph report on the affair but first - the pisstake of the pisstake.

Let's give it a large "meh, you idiot" to the glory that is...

...and then from the Telegraph to give some context:

Labour MP, Tom Harris, has been forced to resign as the party’s new media adviser after creating a spoof video comparing Adolf Hitler's final days with Alex Salmond’s machinations over the referendum on Scottish independence.

Tom Harris, who had a popular blog, uploaded to the internet a parody based on the 2004 movie Downfall, which shows Hitler ranting at generals and senior Nazis in his bunker during the collapse of the Third Reich.

Note that by "popular" the Telegraph means "he's a dick and is only watched to see how stupid he can get" rather than the usual definition of 'popular' which is defined as 'looked at by people who aren't rubberneckers at car crashes'.

The Glasgow South MP used the clip, which has previously been spoofed to mock a series of high-profile figures, to poke fun at Mr Salmond’s secrecy over the referendum.

He also mocked the First Minister for refusing to sack his parliamentary aide, Joan McAlpine, who last week suggested that any political parties that oppose the Scottish National Party are “anti-Scottish”.

The spoof was posted on Saturday and titled ‘Joan’s Downfall’, but Mr Harris was forced to quit his new media post last night following talks with Johann Lamont, Labour’s Scottish leader.
In a statement, he said: “The video I posted has been a well-worn joke used to parody a range of public figures.

It's probably worth reproducing the Telegraph article in full (read it here with some beautiful comments below)...it is a gem of a mainstream media post simply because it manages to avoid calling Tom Harris a bell-end to his face. This blog has no such scruples.

Anyway:

The video features the voice of Hitler, with Mr Salmond parodied in subtitles. It begins with Nazi officials planning the First Minister’s “coronation” after his referendum victory.

In a cheeky reference to Mr Salmond’s weight, it states that the Stone of Destiny, used to crown British monarchs, will need to be “widened and strengthened.”
His generals then tell him about Miss McAlpine’s comments “that if you don’t vote SNP, you hate Scotland”.

The Fuhrer asks all those who have written something similar on internet blogs and websites to vacate the room, leaving only six people remaining.
His temper then violently erupts as he complains he has spent millions of pounds trying to bury the SNP’s “reputation for tartan jingoism”.

In a reference to a recent £1 million donation to the SNP from a couple who won £161 million on Euromillions, he asks: “How many more lottery wins will we need to make people forget this mess? Never let them know what we’re thinking!”
David Cameron’s intervention last week finally forced Mr Salmond to name his preferred date for the referendum after months of silence.

In the video, Hitler rants: “First we’ve got Posh Boy driving his tanks onto my lawn and then I have to tell the whole country the top secret date for my secret referendum.”
In a reference to Angus Robertson, the SNP’s Westminster leader and referendum campaign director, a general says: “First Minister, you and Angus couldn’t have kept it secret for much longer anyway!”

But a furious Hitler responds: “It was nobody else’s business! It’s my referendum – mine! MINE!”
A secretary is then seen comforting a colleague, portrayed as Nicola Sturgeon, Mr Salmond’s deputy, saying that at least she does not have to defend Miss McAlpine on the BBC’s Question Time.

Hitler concludes by saying: “The irony is Joan is right. How can you be properly Scottish if you don’t support me?” He then tells his generals to order Miss Sturgeon to go on Question Time instead of him.

An SNP spokesman called the clip “silly and negative”.

DownFall Does Scottish Independence

2012-01-15T04:32:00.003+01:00

Not bad, not bad...

Question Time LiveBlog 12th January 2012

2012-01-12T20:10:00.001+01:00

Welcome back to the Biased-BBC Question Time Live-Chat! We resume after the Christmas break with a classic line-up of typical BBC fodder.

Tonight Question Time comes from London.

David Dimbleby is joined by Economic Secretary to the Treasury Justine Greening, Shadow Foreign Secretary Douglas Alexander, Deputy First Minister for Scotland Nicola Sturgeon, Minister for Pompous Smugness Paddy Ashdown and editor and broadcaster Kelvin MacKenzie.

This week sees your usual regular Moderators line-up of David Vance and David Mosque. TheEye is back permanently as of tonight and is looking forward to getting back into the fray.

It's a 10:30pm kick off. You know where to be. And how much alcohol to bring.

Question Time 12th January 2012

Merry Christmas from TheEye

2011-12-24T20:04:00.000+01:00

Referendum Gate, Gibraltar ,2011

Gibraltar isn’t exactly the most festive place when it comes to Christmas. There are no chestnuts roasting on an open fire, no Jack Frost nipping on your nose. There were yuletide carols sung by the choir from the local Convent last week on Irish Steps but even at noon today the weather was mild enough to have lunch outside in shirt-sleeves.

Regular readers will know that TheEye hasn't had an easy second half to the year. My sincere thanks go to those who have emailed, contacted, offered support and help and done all of those things which make the world go around when things are a bit not so good. Especial thanks to fellow Eye contributors and friends St Crispin, Max and David Vance without whom the last few months would have been much more difficult. And others too - unmentioned here to spare blushes but you know who you are and I appreciate it.

The New Year will see new domestic arrangements for TheEye which will feature amongst other things teh interwebs at home for the first time in 4 months. Plus not living out of suitcases. So blogging will pick up again. Snatching wifi from coffee shops just isn't the same...

TheEye and all of our contributors here wish you all a fantastic Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year.

Clegg: "This Is Simply Unacceptable"

2011-12-16T23:39:00.000+01:00

Was it about this news story? Or perhaps he was talking about this photograph? We haven't forgotten it you yellow hypocrite.

What a ~~disgusting two-faced duplicitous lying bastard~~ politician. Telling the Press that you've whinged at the Frogs on the telephone changes nothing. We still despise you.

Chewbacca Sings "Silent Night"

2011-12-15T19:24:00.000+01:00

There's no BBC Question Time tonight - it is back on the 12th January - so let's have a more festive post than usual for a Thursday evening...

Santa Venn Diagram

2011-12-14T08:41:00.000+01:00

Still busy, will be back...

Question Time LiveBlog 8th December 2011

2011-12-08T19:17:00.001+01:00

Question Time tonight comes from Stoke-On-Trent.

On the panel Conservative PPS to the Defence Secretary Claire Perry, Labour MP Tristram Hunt, black part-time judge Constance Briscoe, Chief Executive of Next Lord Simon Wolfson (who takes the Conservative whip) and nutty race-baiter Mehdi Hasan.

It's been a long time since the panel has been so spectacularly unspectacular. Honestly, you wouldn't recognise a single one of them if they stood next to you on the Tube.

Today is General Election day in Gibraltar so TheEye has been hobbling around on crutches wearing a rosette all day. I will try to join the chat Moderation panel from the count via the BatPhone but no promises as I'm moderating a similar chat on the Gib results at the same time. Busy busy busy. And not in a good way.

David Vance and David Mosque are Duty Moderating Heroes for yet another evening...

It's a 10:30pm kick off. You know where to be. And how much alcohol to bring.

&amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=cad6bb36a2" &amp;gt;Question Time 8th December 2011&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

Can We Have Our EU Referendum Now?

2011-12-05T22:32:00.000+01:00

The Terms and Conditions of course being that you don't get one.

(from here)

Question Time LiveBlog 1st December 2011

2011-12-01T20:28:00.002+01:00

Question Time tonight comes from Dagenham.

On the panel Ken Clarke, Chuka Umunna, someone from Dragon's Den called Deborah Meaden, Canadian-American journalist David Frum and union boss Mary Bousted.

So David Frum is the token right-winger. Nobody would ever accuse Ken Clarke of filling that chair, could they?

It's a 10:30pm kick off. You know where to be. And how much alcohol to bring.

&amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=f9a28087d2" &amp;gt;Question Time 1st December 2011&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

Stick It Where The Sun Doesn't Shine

2011-12-01T12:49:00.002+01:00

TheEye is busy with the General Election here in Gibraltar and much depends on the result here on the 8th December. TheEye's job, for a start.

On the campaign trail trying to keep things on an even keel...we shall see...but an interesting (for us locally) statement from the idiot europhile "Conservative" Minister that the Liberals allowed to ~~represent us~~ sell us out in the Foreign Office in the UK (bold stuff added for emphasis):

However one thing matters above all other issues. The UK government have betrayed us before with direct and underhand negotiations with Spain on the subject of soveriegnty. So it is with some relief but deep suspicion that we welcome...

Nine days after the Popular Party swept into power in Spain, the British Government has underscored its long-standing assurance that it will not talk about Gibraltar’s sovereignty against the wishes of its people.

The PP said in its electoral manifesto that it would seek a return to bilateral talks with the UK over Gibraltar, but the message from Britain this week was clear.

David Lidington, Minister of State for Europe and NATO at the Foreign & Commonwealth Office, set out Britain’s position in a response to a question in the House of Commons.

Tory MP Andrew Rosindell had asked if Britain had recently discussed the sharing of Gibraltar’s sovereignty with Spain.

Mr Lidington said Britain’s Foreign Minister, William Hague, had not discussed Gibraltar’s sovereignty with Spain.

“Any communication that we have with the Spanish Government about Gibraltar reflects our clear position on sovereignty, which is that the UK will never enter into arrangements under which the people of Gibraltar would pass under the sovereignty of another state against their wishes and, furthermore, the UK will not enter into a process of sovereignty negotiations with which Gibraltar is not content,” he added.

Shove it. Sideways. We don't trust any of you now.

The Foreign Office Is Recruiting!

2011-11-26T17:37:00.000+01:00

If you fancy popping over to meet TheEye in one of the sunnier bits of the old Empire then put your name down for this job with the Foreign Office...

Research Analyst for Gibraltar, The British Indian Ocean Territory, and the Caribbean Overseas Territories and Bermuda

"The role is business critical and has been exempted from the civil service recruitment freeze.

The salary range for this role is £32,784 - £55,782 per annum, depending on skills, and experience.This sum will be consolidated and pensionable."

Just remember, we're all in this together!

Question Time LiveBlog 24th November 2011

2011-11-24T12:12:00.001+01:00

Question Time tonight comes from Bath in Somerset.

David Dimbleby is joined by the splendid Daniel Hannan MEP, Chris Huhne (who may or may not be driving there; the CPS can't decide), a person called Liz Kendall who is apparently Shadow Minister for Old People, the Sainsbury's CEO Justin King and notorious self-publicist and Wikipedia front-man Jimmy Wales.

It's a 10:30pm kick off. You know where to be. And how much alcohol to bring.

&amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=dab9184154" &amp;gt;Question Time 24th November 2011&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

Gunners Prayer

2011-11-13T17:16:00.002+01:00

No apologies for being terribly parochial!

Let us remember all Gunners, who cherishing our brotherhood, glorying in our good name, when the call came followed the the path of duty and self-sacrifice and laid down their lives for their Sovereign and country in many lands, faithful unto death in the service of the Guns.

Amen!

Armistice Day 2011

2011-11-11T02:00:00.000+01:00

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things; the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing worth a war, is worse. A man who has nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

John Stuart Mill

Across the United Kingdom right now there is a sharp division between two groups marching behind very different banners. Those of us, whether in uniform or not, who stand in defence of liberty versus those who seek to destroy it.

We should be thankful, especially on this anniversary, that our freedom is defended, first and foremost, by the current generation of our Armed Forces, and also by the clear majority of those at home who support them. On Armistice Day we remember and honour those whom, for generations, have sought to defend us.

At no time in history has the contrast between those who support freedom, and those who want to tear it down, been so striking.

Despite this contrast, we stand proud and free because our Army, the Royal Navy, Royal Marines and the RAF have stood bravely in harm's way - now and for generations past. These men and women have heeded the call to serve others before self, and have sacrificed accordingly. For their steadfast devotion to duty, honour and country, we offer our humble gratitude and heartfelt thanks.

Lest We Forget

11/11/11 Is....Corduroy Appreciation Day

2011-11-10T21:41:00.000+01:00

To be filed under Things You May Not Have Known: there is a Corduroy Appreciation Club.

Founded by a man named Miles Rohan for the purpose of (obviously) appreciating corduroy, The Corduroy Appreciation Club finds itself approaching a very important date, as they write on their website,

"The Most Important Date In History: 111111" - also known as, "The date which most closely resembles Corduroy, EVER."

There are lots of events planned, including an Annual Grand 111111 Meeting to be held at the Desmond Tutu Center on 10th Avenue, New York, at which members in attendance will be required to wear three items of corduroy rather than the usual two. You won't be surprised to know that tickets are sold out.

For a while the Club was seeking a child born on November 11, 2000, who will turn 11 this year.

"That child is the messiah of corduroy," said Miles Rohan, founder of the 4,000-member club, which was started as a half-joke in 2005. "We liken it to finding the Dalai Lama."

Only a half-joke? Oh FFS

Question Time LiveBlog 10th November 2011

2011-11-10T19:34:00.001+01:00

Question Time tonight comes from Newcastle upon Tyne.

On the panel we have Nadine Dorries, the Sec of State for Scotland and LibDem Michael Moore, the Shadow Chief Sec to the Treasury Rachel Reeves, neurobiologist Professor Colin Blakemore and Stephen Pollard, editor of the Jewish Chronicle.

Could be an interesting one this week.

TheEye is able to join the Two Davids...Vance and (hopefully) Mosque...in the Moderators balcony tonight, so we all look forward to seeing you at 10:30pm!

Question Time 10th November 2011

Countdown To Armistice Day

2011-11-09T19:26:00.002+01:00

Stumbled across this today and it seemed fitting to post it a few days before Armistice Day.

Royal Proclamation, Buckingham Palace, 7th November 1919:

"To all my people,

Tuesday next, November 11, is the first anniversary of the Armistice, which stayed the world-wide carnage of the four preceding years and marked the victory of Right and Freedom.

I believe that my people in every part of the Empire fervently wish to perpetuate the memory of that Great Deliverance, and of those who laid down their lives to achieve it. To afford an opportunity for the universal express of this feeling it is my desire and hope that at the hour when the Armistice came into force, the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, there may be, for the brief space of two minutes, a complete suspension of all our normal activities.

During that time, except in the rare cases where this may be impractical, all work, all sound, and all locomotion should cease, so that, in perfect stillness, the thoughts of every one may be concentrated on reverent remembrance of the Glorious Dead. No elaborate organisation appears to be necessary.

At a given signal, which can be easily arranged to suit the circumstances of each locality, I believe that we shall all gladly interrupt our business and pleasure, whatever it may be, and unite in this simple service of Silence and Remembrance"

GEORGE R.I.

Here in Gibraltar and as was the case last year, the Ceremony of Remembrance will be held at the British War Memorial on Line Wall Road, opposite City Hall, at noon.

The Governor, in his capacity as representative of the Queen of Gibraltar, will lead the service and he will read the Bidding. This is followed by the observance of the Two Minutes silence, the beginning and end of which is signalled by a saluting gun. The Last Post will be sounded, after which wreaths are laid, and an inter-denominational service held. The Ceremony concludes with the sounding of Reveille and the singing of the National Anthem.

TheEye will be there, and hopes to see some local blog readers in attendance too.

Parish News: General Election!

2011-11-04T02:05:00.002+01:00

*sigh* As if TheEye didn't have enough to do at the moment.

As widely and inaccurately speculated about in the local media, Gibraltar's Chief Minister Peter Caruana has this afternoon finally called a General Election for the 8th December. He is hoping to be re-elected for a fifth consecutive term in office although, after being in power for the last 16 years, he has made it clear that, were he to be successful, this would be his last election.

Under Caruana, Gibraltar has become something of an on-line Las Vegas in Europe. About 20 online betting companies, including all the big British names, now operate in the shadow of the Rock, employing about 2,000 people – about one in every eight workers.

Note: Most of the text here is lifted from an anonymous post on the excellent PoliticalBetting.com. TheEye will write a replacement tomorrow, but it's a damn good summary plus it gets the post up here quickly.

Gibraltar remains a British Overseas Territory, but under the 2006 constitution, the Rock gained its own sovereignty on all matters except Defence and International Relations. Since 1989 it has become one of the key players in the world of international on-line gambling.

‘Gibraltar is a minute speck on the globe,’ said Freddie Ballester of the territory’s Betting and Gaming Association. ‘But when it comes to internet gaming, it is probably the most important jurisdiction in the world.’

Caruana, the leader of the Gibraltar Social Democrat Party, is the darling of the centre-right vote and on the surface he seems to have a cast-iron case for re-election. Economic activity in Gibraltar has been largely unaffected by the world downturn and many of Caruana’s recent policies are obvious vote-winners both for individuals and for businesses. The Rock has low rates of incomes and corporate tax, zero income tax on pensions, no inheritance tax, no capital gains tax, full financial support for university students, and many more fiscal benefits.

But, despite such vote-winning policies, a recent opinion poll, run jointly by the Chronicle, the main local newspaper, and the Gibraltar Broadcasting Corporation, tipped a ‘landslide’ victory for Fabian Picardo, the newly-elected leader of the Opposition. In April of this year, Picardo, a young lawyer, succeeded Joe Bossano as leader of the Gibraltar Socialist Labour Party which, in an alliance with the Liberal party, forms the Opposition. Bossano, a socialist of the old school, was the Chief Minister from 1988 – 1996 and he will forever be linked with his failure to stop the industrial-scale smuggling of tobacco into Spain, an activity which badly tarnished Gibraltar’s reputation.

‘We’ve told the public that, if elected, our first order of business will be to reform the way that government in Gibraltar is done and then to make it truly open and transparent,’ said Picardo. Interestingly, the Chronicle/GBC poll highlighted the voters’ main concern as being ‘Caruana’s autocratic style of leadership’ rather than ‘Housing’ which has traditionally been the main concern on a Rock where building land is in extremely short supply.

TheEye will be out on the campaign trail as usual. Last time around was a nailbiter when the GSD only scraped over the winning post by a few thousand votes. This one promised to be...squeakier...

Question Time LiveBlog 3rd November 2011

2011-11-03T21:11:00.000+01:00

Question Time tonight comes from Westminster Hall.

On the panel tonight we have Home Secretary Theresa May, Ed "Blinky" Balls, sanctimonious old bat Shirley Williams, Peter Hitchens and vegan, 'poet', Green Party nutter and Animal Liberation Front terrorist supporting Benjamin Zephaniah.

Nice.

TheEye is able to join the Two Davids...Vance and Mosque...in the Moderators balcony tonight, so we all look forward to seeing you at 10:30pm!

Question Time 3rd November 2011

Wiki Editing Fun - Theresa May

2011-10-31T19:07:00.001+01:00

Somebody has got their crayons out and defaced the wiki page of the UK Home Secretary.

It'll be gone in a few minutes...but a bit of a laugh anyway.

She became a national laughing stock when, at the Conservative Party conference, she said "I'm not making this up" and then promptly went on to make up a story about some foreigner who couldn't be deported because of his cat. As a result, she is now seen as one of the most incompetent Home Secretarys of recent times - even more so than Jacqui Smith, which is quite an achievement.

Question Time LiveBlog 27th October 2011

2011-10-27T20:22:00.001+02:00

Question Time tonight comes from Winchester.

David Dimbleby is joined by Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Iain Duncan Smith - who after the EU referendum rebellion declared yesterday that he will not vote against his Eurosceptic principles again.

We also have ex-GMTV presenter, permanent feature on Guido's political totty reports and occasional Labour politician Gloria De Piero, Deputy Leader of the Liberals in Scotland Jo Swinson (oddly an absentee from those same totty lists), UKIP leader Nigel Farage and Julian Fellowes, As Baron Fellowes of West Stafford he takes the Conservative whip in the Lords.

Two Tories on the same panel? Surely a booking mix-up? Heads will roll.

TheEye can't be here tonight so will leave you to the tender Moderating mercies of David Vance and David Mosque.

It's a 10:30pm kick off. You know where to be. And how much alcohol to bring.

&amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=1ea8561649" &amp;gt;Question Time 27th October 2011&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

Trafalgar Day 2011

2011-10-21T20:05:00.005+02:00

On 21st October 1805 the Royal Navy, commanded by Vice-Admiral Horatio Nelson won a famous and decisive victory over the combined French and Spanish fleets at the Battle of Trafalgar (for an excellent overview try here.)

Trafalgar Day, for the benefit of TheEye's overseas readers, is the annual celebration and commemoration of the triumph.

This evening TheEye will raise a glass and drink a toast to the "Immortal Memory". And as it is Friday..will drink a second to the traditional Royal Navy dedication for that day "A willing foe and sea room".

The original toast of "The Immortal Memory of Lord Nelson and those who fell with him" was used and reinstated by HM The Queen on the 200th anniversary, and is drunk in silence as a mark of respect.

On Wednesday evening TheEye was at the Rock Hotel on the same table at dinner as the splendid MEPs Dan Hannan, Roger Helmer and David Campbell-Bannerman - spending time here in Gibraltar on a factfinding visit. Today in the Telegraph and written whilst he was here, Dan Hannan MEP writes Gibraltarians understand what it means to be British. Do we? and says:

Where better to celebrate Trafalgar Day than in that most demonstratively loyal of all Her Majesty's realms and possessions, Gibraltar – whither HMS Victory limped back after the battle, bearing Nelson's corpse preserved in a barrel of brandy, camphor and myrrh.

So for those of you in TheEye's local area, please join me at the Act of Remembrance at the Trafalgar Cemetery at 12 noon on Sunday 23 October. Members of the Royal Navy will mark the anniversary in the company of the Chief Minister, the Governor and Commander British Forces Gibraltar. The Commanding Officer, Royal Navy Gibraltar, Commander Mark Williams, will lay wreaths on the graves of those who died as a result of the Battle.

There will be other events over the weekend too, so please take part and don't ever let this bit of history fade away.

The Immortal Memory

Question Time LiveBlog 20th October 2011

2011-10-20T20:46:00.001+02:00

Question Time tonight comes from Glasgow.

David Dimbleby is joined by Jacob Rees-Mogg, a rebellious Conservative with absolutely no connection to Glasgow at all, LibDem MP Alistair Carmichael (who dropped out of Glasgow Uni so a tenuous connection at least), local Labour MP Margaret Curran, the SNPs Education Minister Mike Russell, journalist Cristina Odone and a Scottish actor called Brian Cox.

Jacob Rees-Mogg, eh? You might as well scrawl Ambush on the front of the desk.

It's a 10:30pm kick off. You know where to be. And how much alcohol to bring.

&amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=4cc1212a8e" &amp;gt;Question Time 20th October 2011&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

Skydiving

2011-10-18T09:41:00.000+02:00

TheEye is back in the office, the sun is in the sky and inevitably a man's thoughts turn to...the legality of skydiving sex.

Indeed.

Local police in Taft, California. were called to a local high school last week after a video started doing the rounds, so to speak, on campus. It "features" porn star Alex Torres and friend Hope Howell taking off - and getting off - for a little in-the-air action.

An interesting variation on the Mile High Club, eh?

The video is a pretty horrific thing to watch (TheEye did so purely to save you the trouble...there is no charge) and mostly shows the pair going at it mid-flight before jumping from the plane and...carrying on.

Local police have declined to file charges, according to KGET-TV. There was no public nudity, as no one saw the early-morning skydiving sex. Torres also posted the video on an age-protected blog, so he can't be punished for distributing low-budget porn to minors.

Still, the Federal Aviation Administration isn't particularly amused. Federal aviation rules don't prohibit sex on private planes, but they do prohibit activity that "distracts or jostles" a pilot - which you'd think this clearly qualifies as.

Except the pilot didn't seem all that distracted - he only looked back once or twice during the entire video, which is fairly typical when skydivers are on board.

*sigh* Surely this we have reached the End of Days.

9/11 BBC Question Time: The Video

2011-10-15T07:25:00.001+02:00

Cross-Posted from the Biased-BBC blog

Many of us watched the Question Time Special immediately following the 9/11 atrocity in utter disbelief as it took a rabid and disgusting anti-American line.

The former US ambassador to Britain, Philip Lader, was almost reduced to tears on the panel as the audience shouted him down and hurled abuse. It was a shameful night for the BBC and prompted thousands of complaints. The BBC underplayed the aftermath here.

Recordings of that particular programme are particularly hard to find anywhere (odd, eh?) but regular contributor here TooTrue remembered that a fellow Biased-BBCer had mentioned having a version. So after a bit of tech stuff, here it is. Our grateful thanks go to both of them.

It's now hosted on EyeTube - my censorship-free video hosting site.

It is disgusting. Don't watch with sharp objects nearby.

Amish Beard Cutting Crime

2011-10-15T00:45:00.000+02:00

With apologies, but this has got to be a contender for Weirdness of the Month:

Four men from Bergholz, Ohio, were arrested this week suspected of an Amish beard-cutting attack.

Authorities say a rival Amish group held their victims down against their will and gave them unwanted cuts to their beards and hair.

Really.

Signs that your Amish teen is in trouble:

1. He sometimes stays in bed until after 6 a.m.
2. Under his bed you find pictures of women without bonnets.
3. He defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. When you criticize him he yells, "Thou suckst!"
5. His name is Jebadiah, but he prefers to be known as 'Jeb Daddy.'
6. You discover his secret stash of colourful socks.
7. He uses the slang expresion: "Talk to the hand coz the beard ain't listening."
8. He was recently pulled over for driving his horse and cart under the influence of cottage cheese.
9. He has taken to wearing his big black hat backwards.

The best thing about making jokes about Amish people online is that they don't even know it.

Question Time LiveBlog 13th October 2011

2011-10-13T22:00:00.001+02:00

Question Time tonight comes from London and features a panel so dreadful it will make your eyes bleed.

On the panel we have Andrew Lansley, Red Ken Livingstone, former chief press spokesman for the Liberals Mark Littlewood, NHS-focussed 'comedian' Phil Hammond and deputy editor of the Evening Standard Sarah Sands.

TheEye is away again tonight, so leaves you in the hands of the Two Davids...Vance and Mosque in the moderator seats.

Play nicely!

&amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=0dba06157a" &amp;gt;Question Time 13th October 2011&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

UK Citizenship Test Updated

2011-10-13T20:56:00.000+02:00

So after much ridicule of the daft, plain stupid and politically "correct" questions in the old Labour government's so-called Citizenship Test....it has been re-written by the Coalition.

Can we expect questions like "how much does the UK waste each year by belonging to the EU" or "name the religion responsible for the 9/11 and 7/7 terrorist attacks".

No. Don't be silly.

Instead we get "Why were recruitment centres set up in the West Indies in the 1950s" and "How might you stop young people playing tricks on you at Halloween"

Welcome to the bright new right of centre Coalition world, eh, folks?

TheEye failed. Miserably. Loss of passport surely beckons.

See if you can do any better here.

Novel Ways To Murder Someone (Pt 73)

2011-10-07T03:11:00.001+02:00

First, kill a bear.

A fortnight ago, Clyde Gardner was sentenced to 5 to 15 years in prison for plotting to kill his ex-girlfriend after a friend he asked to do the job ratted him out to the police instead. The plan involved faking a car accident. So far, so trivial.

But the great part of the story how Gardner originally planned to do it. To put the blame...spectacularly....on a bear.

Take it away, Assistant DA Elizabeth Crawford:

The original murder plot was for Gardner to hunt down a bear on the [acquaintance's] property, then skin it to take off its four claws and its pelt.

The hired killer was to put the pelt on like a suit and wear the paws like boots and gloves, then maul the woman to death to make it look like an animal had killed her.

"[Gardner had] been watching her from the woods, so he knew exactly when she would take her garbage out, so it was supposed to look like she got mauled by a bear," Crawford said.

"The claws were to be worn as boots and on his hands so there would be only bear tracks, no human tracks."

The one problem with this otherwise foolproof plan...the hit man "said he only had three acres to hunt on, and no bears."

Damn, no bear disguise. So Gardner came up with the car crash idea. He told the other man how to make it look like an accident, something in which Gardner claimed special skill because he is "an experienced demolition derby driver."

Coupled with the fact that he owns a junkyard and has a history of abusive and violent behaviour, we can see why this relationship wasn't going to last.

It took until the second plan was hatched (unsurprisingly) for the friend to realise Gardner was serious and to go to the police. They fitted him with a wire to record Gardner talking about the murder plot.

Gardner eventually pleaded guilty to second-degree conspiracy. He asked for leniency claiming that he had been drunk at the time and had intended to call everything off once he had sobered up. And would you believe it....he had actually been arrested while on his way to the hit man's house to cancel the job? No, and the judge didn't either.

"There is absolutely no proof" of that story, said the judge, calling the grand-jury testimony "chilling."

Which it probably was, except for the hilarious bit with bears in it.

Not Very Cleverley

2011-10-07T01:54:00.000+02:00

Brilliant journalism in yesterday's Super Soaraway Sun.

For a paper specialising in celebrity gossip you'd think that Not-A-Footballer Tries It On is really feeble. And who is Tom Cleverley anyway?

Hat-tip: Matthew Moore

Question Time LiveBlog 6th October 2011

2011-10-06T22:26:00.001+02:00

On the Question Time panel from where the Conservative conference was held - Salford - tonight we have the inclusivity box-ticking Baroness Warsi, Shadow Junior Minister for Drains Andy Burnham, Charles *hic* Kennedy, Hello! and Sun journalist Jane Moore and, returning to our BBC screens after an absence of at least 25 minutes, Billy sodding Bragg.

TheEye is Back and Beautiful tonight, so will rejoin the Two Davids...Vance and Mosque in the moderator seats.

Question Time 6th October 2011

Knox Escapes

2011-10-03T22:26:00.004+02:00

Amanda Knox was in court in Perugia today, protesting her innocence over the killing of Meredith Kercher. She was in tears, speaking in fluent Italian.

Verdict?

Sexy

And so Foxy Knoxy walks free from an Italian court having been acquitted of murdering the person she now seems not to have murdered. TheEye reckons it is now a One-All score draw and is waiting for the penalty shoot-out. But for now, for legal reasons, we have to pretend to believe her.

This year's winner of 'I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here',

She was found guilty (again) of being a liar and still nobody knows what she was really doing that night - she claims not to remember. Alcohol is her defence, rather than blood-splattered convenient amnesia.

She accused somebody else falsely of stabby things and was found to have slandered him. That'll now cost her a few Euros, but to be honest she only has to hold on for a few weeks until the Greek (and Eurozone) economy is carried out in a bucket and the Euro will be worth less than tissue paper.

The fact is that if she wasn't so damn attractive, nobody would ever have noticed or cared. The thought of her in handcuffs is, basically, not too shabby at all as an image.

This story will run and run. Half of the space in tomorrows Dead Tree Press will be dedicated to the trial because the Eyeties cunningly delivered the verdict in good time for the first editions. It will also take the Conservative Party conference off the national headlines which may not be such a bad thing. And it will be covered elsewhere at such enormous length that TheEye isn't going to bother raking over the evidence of her complicity here.

Within the hour she will be on a plane to the US and beyond the feeble extradition arrangements with the Italians .... which is ignored and not respected. The appeals process will be pointless.

She might be 'innocent' now, but she'll never get another flatmate....

Knox, Knox...

"Who's there?..."

"It's Amanda. They believed me...let me out!"

Bad Joke O' The Day

2011-10-02T13:37:00.001+02:00

From the BBC:

An ultra-light plane has crashed into a Ferris wheel in a village north of Sydney, trapping four people, Australian officials say.

Some people dream of being a pilot, others simply fail to see the attraction.

Is that my coat? Thank you...

UPDATE: Police say the pilot is slowly coming round

Question Time LiveBlog 29th September 2011

2011-09-29T19:45:00.002+02:00

On the Question Time panel from the Labour conference in Liverpool tonight we have Grant Shapps, housing minister; Tim Farron, president of the Liberal Democrats; Caroline Flint, shadow communities and local government secretary; toothy freak Janet Street-Porter; and columnist and commentator Peter Oborne.

TheEye is unable to join you this evening So leaves you in the splendid hands of the Two Davids...Vance and Mosque. Play nicely!

Question Time 29th September 2011

What Do They Know

2011-09-24T10:01:00.001+02:00

According to 'new research', a tipple of red wine makes no positive difference to high blood pressure ... rejecting previous 'expert' advice that red wine has the ability to fight heart problems, lower cholesterol and the risk of diabetes.

Researcher Ilse Botden said: "Our findings do not support the idea that red wine polyphenols can account for the suggested cardiovascular benefits. Drinking two or three glasses each day has no effect on lowering mild high blood pressure."

Ah, well, that's where you're going wrong Mr Researcher. Not enough research. Both myself and The Eye can testify, after rigorous, prolonged and selfless studies 'in the field', that it's two or three bottles a day that helps the polyphenols get to work on reducing the blood pressure.

So, what nationality is that Botden bod?

Well, it would appear that he is Dutch. That explains it then, What the hell does someone running around in clogs, growing tulips all day, know about the benefits of red wine.

I reckon it's just a case of sour grapes ... if you ask me.

Anyway, I'm off to do a little more research ....

... anyone care to join me?

Cheers!

Question Time LiveBlog 22nd September April 2011

2011-09-22T16:18:00.000+02:00

On the Question Time panel tonight we have the increasingly senile Vince Cable, Priti Patel, Harriet Harman, Private Eye editor Ian Hislop and Justine Roberts from Mumsnet (married to Ian Katz, deputy editor of The Guardian).

TheEye is unable to join you this evening So leaves you in the splendid hands of the Two Davids...Vance and Mosque. Play nicely!

Question Time 22nd September 2011

1st of April

2011-09-18T02:05:00.002+02:00

It is April Fools' Day. It must be. There is no other possibity.

A mediocre footballer caled Joey Barton is offering the government advice (via the Deputy Prime Minister Nicky Boy Clegg) on how to run the country.

Yes, that's Joey 'Not Quite Good Enough' footballer Barton. From a team called Queens Park Rangers which is currently winning...meh.

Not content with being a midfield general, art collector and Twitter's answer to Nietzsche, the Scouser is now keen to give some advice to the coalition government.

Rangers spent Friday night in the Midlands ahead of today's clash with Wolves and shared a hotel with a number of Lib Dems attending their party conference in Birmingham. And once he realised, Barton was his usual helpful self.

'Just found out Lib Dems staying at are hotel tonight, if @vincecable and nick clegg need advice, ill be in lobby between 7-9pm,' he tweeted.

It is not clear exactly which policy areas Barton could advise on, but as he has just signed a £4million-a-year contract with QPR, the deputy prime minister and business secretary may want a word with the former Newcastle United star about fat cat salaries.
Perhaps wisely, Mr Clegg decided against taking the midfielder up on his offer.

'Was talking to a few Lib Dems in lobby before, unfortunately not Cleggy. Surprising jovial about my tweeting. #theyarestartingtolisten,' Barton revealed on Saturday morning.

Clegg and his minority Liberal party (under 10% in most polls) from the speeches at their held-in-a-shoebox conference today - don't understand what the word "coalition" means...so perhaps Joey Barton is their next best hope. They might currently be popping up a minority Conservative administration but they have a massively inflated view of their own importance. And no awareness of how disposable they are.

The 'Liberals' are a bunch of principle-free and power-crazed muppets; so one more moron funded dropped-on-his-head kid football playing supporter is pretty much par for the course for where the Lib Dems are now.

Missed Opportunity

2011-09-14T20:00:00.001+02:00

Treehuggers in the north of England are poised to grab the world record for the largest group tree hug.

On Sunday 821 volunteers travelled to the Delamere forest in Cheshire to take part in the record attempt, and 707 people managed to simultaneously hug a tree for one minute or more.

*sigh*

Some advance notice please, next time?

Plus convenient parking for an IRA-surplus van filled with fertilizer.

EU Chaos: An Expert Speaks

2011-09-14T15:23:00.000+02:00

At last, someone prepared to speak out about the EU meltdown and the Eurozone crisis. A brave soul, a voice in the wilderness, a visionary, a prophet...for it is he...

“I believe that Europe overall, as a unit, is going towards a massive crisis, which nobody really expects now. I am convinced that Europe will go into a huge financial crisis within the next three weeks or three months and maybe that will put everything into perspective again.”

Arsene Wenger
Manager of Arsenal Football Club
...in the Guardian

Yes, we really are doomed.

Ever Been Caught Short In Cardiff?

2011-09-12T19:25:00.000+02:00

I was tempted to call this post 'Stop Taking The P*ss' but it's a family blog, and I'm a visitor, so I won't. Whichever way you look at it though, it definitely slips into the deepest waters of the 'you couldn't make it up' lake. Without a life belt.

Organisers of the Cardiff 10k race have had to apologise after leaving the 2,403 runners high and dry whilst they were completing the course, which took place last Sunday. Someone had failed to provide a water station at the halfway stage and so the runners had to finish the race without fluids.

One of the competitors and the unofficial 'state the bleedin' obvious' spokesman for the event said, "It's really important because it helps you cool down". You don't say. Which then left the event organisers desperately trying to open the sluice gates and divert the flood of blame in any direction but theirs by stating, "The race was let down by the suppliers of the water". Oh, well that's alright then. Nothing to ~~see~~ wee here. Move along.

Sheesh!

"Who were the organisers?", I can hear you all asking. Well, I left the best bit until last. Obviously. Why, it was none other than the ... wait for it ... Kidney Wales Foundation. No. I can assure you that I'm not taking the p*ss. Perhaps they were just trying to drum up a bit of extra business? Either way, as I said, you couldn't make it up.

Incidentally, Cardiff seem to be rapidly gaining a history for this kind of 'getting caught short' business. Last year, the organisers of the Cardiff Half Marathon were forced to apologise after it was discovered the course was 211 yards too short after a last-minute change of route!

I wonder if they had to take a short cut to pick up some water?

Just wondering.

Max ;-)

9/11 Remembered

2011-09-11T13:16:00.000+02:00

click image to enlarge

Gibraltar National Day!

2011-09-10T05:17:00.000+02:00

Today is National Day in TheEye's home of Gibraltar.

Every year on the 10th of September Gibraltar celebrates the 1967 referendum when, with a massive majority, the people voted to reject annexation by Spain. The result itself was 12,138 votes to 44 in a truly North Korean 99% rout for the enemy within. Franco wasn't pleased about the whole thing and in a hissy fit he closed the border for 16 years....which had the advantage of keeping thousands of dirty Spaniards out of the place for a while.

The day is a public holiday (with the Bank Holiday being next Monday), and most Gibraltarians get involved by wearing the national colours of red and white; and celebrate at street parties, barbeques and concerts. There is a political rally in one of the two main squares in the morning followed by a civic rally in the other one. This will end with the release of 30,000 red and white balloons representing the number of people of Gibraltar.

Political statements about the day have already been issued by the three Party leaders: the statesman, the fat whining one and the other one you always forget. So the speeches on the day can be safely ignored and it will only be the new Mayor Julio Alcantara who is likely to have anything original to say. And even then, not so much. It's not that sort of occasion.

Most importantly calentita will be eaten, beer and wine will be drunk, and TheEye will forget his trials and problems of the last month or so to celebrate properly.

And above all we will celebrate the fact that the flag of Spain will never fly over Gibraltar.

Happy National Day 2011

Question Time LiveBlog 8th September 2011: 9/11 Special!

2011-09-08T21:27:00.003+02:00

Question Time tonight is a 9/11 Special.

On the panel in London we have Secretary of State for Defence Liam Fox, failed Labour leadership contender David Miliband and US Assistant Sec of Defense Richard Perle

In the cheap seats we have a 'playwright' by the name of Bonnie ~~Langford~~ Greer, lefty race-agitator Tariq Ali and Christina Schmidt who lost her husband serving as a bomb disposal officer in Afghanistan.

TheEye is unable to join you this evening and leaves you in the splendid hands of the Two Davids...Vance and Mosque. Play nicely!

&amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=5db4b2ac0d" &amp;gt;Question Time LiveBlog 8th September 2011: 9/11 Special!&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

Wootton Bassett's Final Tribute

2011-09-01T14:21:00.000+02:00

The final ceremony at Wootton Bassett to mark the end of repatriations through the town.

A UKIP Mayor Of London?

2011-09-01T12:38:00.000+02:00

The Conservatives tried a couple of Open Primaries to select candidates at the last election and were landed with the ban-it-all barking nutter Sarah Wollaston as an MP for the trouble.

UKIP are trying something along the same lines for their choice of candidate for the Mayor of London.

We have six top-notch candidates vying to be the Party’s candidate in the London Mayor elections on May 3, 2012.

They are David Coburn, Michael Corby, Michael McGough, Paul Oakley, Winston McKenzie and Lawrence Webb.

And while the members of UKIP London will have a major say in which of those six candidates is selected, we thought it would be a good idea to open up the selection process to the millions of people who live, work, own property in and visit London every single day.

That means your votes count. The results of the online public primary will be used to rank our candidates, and earn them different levels of ‘bonus votes’ towards the final result.

Of these, Winston McKenzie is by far the most fun. He has been a member of 6 parties. Among that number he founded and led the Unity Party, and has stood for the leadership of UKIP and Veritas.

He tried to be selected as a Mayoral candidate for the Conservatives in 2008 but eventually stood as an Independent candidate under the slogan "I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee; I've got the policies they can't see"

His campaigning skills have also been honed by a series of spectacularly unsuccessful council and Westminster by-election campaigns. Anyone who hates the modern trend of career politicians who have never done a "real" job in the "real" world will like the idea of voting for someone who has been a boxer, a publican, a hairdresser, a rug wholesaler, a letting agent and a garage mechanic (although not all at the same time.)

The problem is that TheEye would like to see UKIP do well, so can't really risk starting a Vote Winston McKenzie campaign. But it would have been fun.

So instead - vote for someone else here.

On The Sexes And "Equal" Pay

2011-08-31T19:06:00.000+02:00

TheEye has not been able to watch the new on the BBC today. It has been too painful. Actually Sky has been just as bad...for we have yet another report out claiming that women are horribly done by in the world of work.

Denizens of Liverpool can stop reading at this point...this post doesn't affect you.

So let's consider the headlines and then the unspoken facts which balance out the hand-wringing. With any unofficial, unverified, unaudited non-government report (that bit is glossed over rather quickly in the reports) we should always ask ourselves who has written it and what their motivation could be.

Or, to put it another way: who is the author Lord Davies of Abersoch? Indeed, for it is he! Mervyn Davies...ex Labour Minister under Gordon Brown (who elevated him to the Lords), and a close friend of Peter Mandelson (no, not that close. Wash your mind out.)

You don't get that nugget of info on Sky or the BBC today.

If we listen beyond the headlines we learn that for middle management pay, women are paid more than men and for upper management women's pay is increasing faster than male pay. But at a speed that will supposedly converge in 98 years.

And yet the only thing you walk away from the news reports remembering is that 98 year figure. Great spining, Lord Labour Bloke of Aberthingy.

Trouble is, a number like that is an example of Proofiness...the use of misleading statistics to confirm what you already believe. Just take a series of apple-to-orange comparisons and you can justify the invention of a raft of feminist policy initiatives whilst actually achieving nothing useful at all. Usually causing more damage than benefit.

This isn’t to say that all is equal between the genders in the labour market - it isn't. But exaggerating and sensationalising them as we've seen on the news channels today only encourages resentment-fueled demands of government which are impossible to satisfy. This is followed by the tribunal and compensation culture which destroys small companies and whole industries alike.

Ignore the news today - put a dvd on.

EU Kills The Land Rover

2011-08-31T12:39:00.000+02:00

We read that Land Rover confirms new version of its Defender model, according to the BBC.

Good news, it seems? Innovation? Progress?

The current Defender was first introduced in 1948 and has gone on to enjoy sales of more than two million around the world.

Its basic design has changed little over the past six decades.

..but it isn't. What al-Beeb doesn't tell us we have to learn instead from the Financial Times (Subscription needed):

JLR is retiring the current Defender because its carbon dioxide emissions are too high to meet stricter European Union rules on CO2.

Of course the BBC are partly funded by the EU specifically to encourage the spreading of propaganda, so is it any surprise that our taxpayer-funded news service only selectively reports the news it sees fit?

Guns Don't Kill People...

2011-08-27T09:31:00.001+02:00

Firstly, TheEye would like to apologise for a lengthy absence from the blog. Life has taken a temporary sidestep into madness and nonsense. There's light at the end of the tunnel at least. This long weekend isn't it, but a few days of respite have arrived.

In the meantime, my very grateful thanks to my friend Max Farquar for keeping you entertained here for the last few weeks. I am deeply in his debt.

And to stay on the subject of madness, consider this further step in Britain's well documented spiral into collective doom:

Children will be banned from watching shooting events under Boris Johnson’s Olympic ticket giveaway.

London schoolchildren are eligible for 125,000 Olympic tickets but these will not include any featuring guns, as Games organisers and City Hall fear a backlash from the anti-gun lobby.

Giving children tickets to the events, at the Royal Artillery Barracks in Woolwich, could have appeared at odds with Mayor Boris Johnson’s bid to quell teenage gun and knife crime.

Er, because our gun-control mania worked so well stopping the recent riots?

In the recent trouble, TheEye would have liked to have seen riot control done with longbows. A pile of looter corpses with arrow shafts lodged in them whilst police on horseback charged the rest...it'd be Agincourt or Crecy all over again.

“Remember kids, bows and arrows don’t kill people; Olympic archers do!”

Vote For Me ...

2011-08-26T23:56:00.000+02:00

... or I'll remote wipe your iPhone and probably your iPad too because iCan.

Jobs for President 2012

GHADAFFI - PREFERRED FATE?

2011-08-24T23:10:00.000+02:00

I know that the bleeding hearts at Amnesty International want to see their new hero, Ghadaffi, sent to the Hague, where he can enjoy pleasant accommodation secure that he will avoid the Death Penalty. But the question I have for you is, assuming they catch him alive, who should he die for his crimes?

STUPID IS....

2011-08-24T23:02:00.000+02:00

I've heard of turkeys voting for Christmas but never figured that this would be a central part of French economic policy...

The French government is to impose an extra tax of 3% on annual income above 500,000 euros (£440,000; $721,000). It is part of a package of measures to try to cut the country's deficit by 12bn euros over two years. The tax increase came after some of France's wealthiest people had called on the government to tackle its deficit by raising taxes on the rich.

I can only presume those in favour of paying more taxes have the same DNA as those who supported the Terror.

What's That In Your Pocket Or Are You Just ...

2011-08-24T20:16:00.000+02:00

In true ASE tradition I thought I'd take a look at some of the more obscure news websites today, in an effort to bring you one of those 'strange but true' items that The Eye is so well-known for.

Nope. Nothing to speak of in the Austrian Times. Unless you're interested in how a mare managed to get wedged between two spruce trees in the middle of the forest. A bit of a non-story, that one, not even a faint muttering about an eye witness possibly seeing an inebriated Austrian leaving the scene, whilst hastily hoisting up his lederhosen ... or something.

However, the Croatian Times does not disappoint and comes up with a perfect recipe for ridicule via this in depth piece of reporting about a shoplifting event in Slovonia:

A middle-aged man has tried to steal half of a roast chicken from a store in Slavonia in Croatia’s east by stuffing it in his pants. (Yes, you did read that right - although no mention of which half of the chicken had been stuffed. i.e. head end or backside end. We like to know these things. It's important. Was he 'giving' the bird a blow job or was the bird getting it up the 'no no')The chicken – previously cut for him by one of the sales assistants (Still no clues there then) – was not amongst the items he gave to the cashier, which first raised suspicions. (Not the fact that he looked as though he'd got a lunchbox the size of Linford Christie's with steam coming out of it then) The man also seemed nervous and fidgety (you don't say) as though something was poking him, (oo-er!) the store’s salesperson noted."I was disgusted when I saw what he had done. I was not sure whether to pity or hit him. (Hit him? Don't you mean hit ON him - with a package that size who'd blame you) The hot chicken was steaming, (Maybe that's because it was hot) the paper was all torn (that'll be all the fidgeting) and everything got glued to the crotch, (Oh purleeze - too much information) and his pants were oily," (personal hygiene not his strong point then) said one of the bystanders.Local police say that more and more often food is being stolen from the stores. (What! No one was looking in to it? How disappointing .. and what other food are Austrians stuffing down their pants these days then?)

And that was all there was. How disappointing. No mention of the other items that were in the trolley. Surely, the reporter could have mentioned he'd got a couple of veg in there ... to go with his meat. No sense of humour, those Austrians.

Come on, let's show them how it's done.

Cue assorted hot bird, fowl crotch jokes, etc ....

Oh, and in case you're wondering what that picture has to do with anything ...

think about it. Much better than an image of a bulging pair of steaming trousers, dontcha think.

Max ;-)

Happy Birthday Hercules

2011-08-23T10:30:00.001+02:00

Although the C-130 Hercules didn't actually become operational until 1957, today is the 57th anniversary of it's maiden flight. On 23rd August, 1954, the Lockheed Hercules four-engined turbo prop transport aircraft took to the skies for the very first time.

Everyone's lives have been touched by the Hercules over the last fifty years or so, for one reason or another. On a personal, and more lighter note, I'm constantly reminded of the C-130 several times a week as a pair of them regularly fly over Farquar towers. Usually at night. Which is nice, especially as I know the chickens will be waking me again at first light.

Thanks to Caratacus, a regular contributor over at Max Farquar, for reminding me of this auspicious occasion which will, know doubt, jog many memories for all of us. Some good and some not so good.

Where did all those years go to, eh?

Max ;-)

More Passion In Downing Street

2011-08-21T11:07:00.000+02:00

The mind positively boggles at the thought. Doesn't it. David Cameron demanding more passion at 10 Downing Street is not a thought I'd like to dwell on for too long but fear not, it's not as bad as it seems, so you can put down the mind bleach ... for now.

It appears that 'More Passion' relates to a neon artwork installation donated to Downing Street by that eminent non-entitity Tracey Emin. Yes, that Tracey Emin. The one who couldn't be bothered to make her bed and then decided to display it, fag ends dirty knickers an' all, at some arty farty art gallery or other ... for others to get enjoyment out of. Hmmph ... whatever turns you on, I suppose.

Some say that the neon artwork now makes the doorway to the Terracotta Room, on the 1st Floor of Number 10, look like the beckoning entrance to some seedy nightclub or other. Others say [well, just me actually] that if Tracey Emin was really trying to bring "a bit of an edge" to Downing Street, then she would have achieved that far more successfully by crafting her neon sign to read 'EU Referendum Now'.

Just a thought.

Max ;-)

Red4

2011-08-21T03:11:00.001+02:00

This is unashamedly a military blog. If anybody isn't familiar with the news then RIP Red 4 Flight Lieutenant Jon Egging.

The splendid Capt Haddock noted this tragedy in the previous thread. It appears this top chap stayed with his plane to keep it away from a residential area at the cost of his own life. Good drills that man.

Jon flew the Harrier GR9 before joining the Royal Air Force Aerobatic Team.

Age – 33

Education – Jon attended Southam School in Warwickshire gaining A-Levels in Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry. He was a member of 2028 (Southam) Sqn Air Training Corps from age 13. During the sixth form he was awarded a Royal Air Force Flying Scholarship and had his first solo flight in a Cessna 152 flying from Wellesbourne Mountford Aerodrome. Following a gap year spent working in the UK and travelling around Australia, Jon went on to read a BSc in Environmental Science at Southampton University. He joined Southampton University Air Squadron and was awarded a Royal Air Force Bursary in his second year.

Career – Whilst at University Jon completed Elementary Flying Training with the University Air Squadron, flying the Bulldog; he went on to join the Royal Air Force in 2000. Selected for fast jet training Jon flew the Tucano and Hawk before becoming a ‘Creamie’ Qualified Flying Instructor on the Hawk at Royal Air Force Valley, teaching both students and instructors. Jon went on to serve with IV(AC) Squadron - 'Happy IV' – based at Royal Air Force Cottesmore, flying the Harrier GR9. During his time on the front line Jon was proud to support coalition ground forces when flying operational missions in Afghanistan. He has also taken part in exercises in the United Kingdom and America. As part of Joint Force Harrier, Jon served with IV(AC) Squadron on HMS Illustrious, flying training missions off the UK coastline. He became the Squadron Qualified Flying Instructor during his last year on 'Happy IV', making the transition to teach on the Harrier Operational Conversion Unit, based at Royal Air Force Wittering, in April 2010.

Background – Jon became interested in flying at an early age, inspired by his airline pilot father who used to take him ‘down route’, allowing him into the cockpit for take off and landing. Jon lived in Rutland with his wife Emma. In their spare time they enjoyed road and fell running as well as travelling the world together.

Per Ardua ad Astra

2011-08-20T19:50:00.000+02:00

TheEye isn't late on this bandwagon but was instead...biding his time.

A few days ago everybody linked to the blog which proves that only blonde females ever get A-Levels. And they always jump too. Odd, eh?

The local submission from Gibraltar is not as good as some of the totty on offer over there but the point remains proven...blokes don't pass exams. Ever. Congratulations especially to the young lady front right who is a friend of this blog.

TheEye would have submitted this to the definitive site on the topic but they only accept links by Twitter, have given up with that now personally and...frankly...can't be bothered... Totty pictures are enough.

2011-08-16T18:07:00.004+02:00

Top marks to the Canadian government for re-instating the "Royal" prefix to their Navy & Air force. St C has had the pleasure of serving in action alongside our Canuck brethren in Bosnia & Afghanistan, and holds them in the highest esteem. They rank close to the top of the last of the martial races.
They have some wonderfully named Regiments & Units and (sad spotter that he is) St C often takes delight in reading the Canadian Order of Battle for Normandy just to immerse himself in the history that the names evoke.

Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry

Royal 22^e Régiment (with the great moto (Je Me Souviens)

5e Régiment d'artillerie légère du Canada

1st Regiment Royal Canadian Horse Artillery

Being just 4 of those that I was lucky enough to serve with.

Possibly my favourite two names are

Le Regément de Maisonneuve and Lord Strathcona's Horse. How sad that we in the UK have ruined our own regimental names, leaving ourselves with the sanitized "The Rifles" and "The Mercian Regiment".

BZ Canada, BZ

Lies, Damn Lies, And EU Immigration OptOuts

2011-08-12T10:35:00.000+02:00

We've been fed the line over and over again that this is simply impossible under EU rules.

The European Union executive gave debt-stricken Spain the green light on Thursday to restrict Romanian workers from seeking employment on its territory, citing the need to protect its labour market.

Spain will be able to impose work permits on Romanians until the end of 2012, an exception to EU rules that allow citizens to work freely throughout the bloc's 27 member states.

So how come the Spanish are doing it then, if it's so impossible? Do we just not ask our EU masters nicely enough? Or do we was them too nicely? Or (most likely) not at all?

"The Commission understands why, at this particular juncture -- because of the dramatic employment situation and the very complex financial environment -- the Spanish authorities wish to step back from full free movement," he added.

This is at a time when 2 million Romanians have left their own country for work elsewhere in the EU - with the UK as the 3rd most popular destination. Offically 4 million EU nationals live in the UK so you can bet that the real number is double that. On top of the 2 million who have left, 1 in 3 of the remainder intend to leave Romania too.

If Spain can say that it's full up, why can't the UK?

You Have Too Much Money If...

2011-08-12T04:43:00.000+02:00

Do you have an iPad? Maybe a bag for your iPad?

Meh

The ultimate accessory has to be this $500 iPad case from The Bernie Madoff Collection...things made out of Bernie Madoff's old clothes.

The one in the picture is made of cashmere. Nice.

Each of his sweaters and pairs of trousers cam make four iPad cases, and they all come with a certificate of authenticity. Just in case you...say...ever needed to prove what they were...

Question Time LiveBlog 11th August 2011: Crime Special!

2011-08-11T18:46:00.001+02:00

David Cameron may have recalled Parliament today to discuss the looting and criminality, but we all know who really think they run the country. Yes, the BBC have recalled Question Time.

As usual the media are exaggerating the disturbances. What the BBC called looting in Liverpool, we all knew as Wednesday but most importantly for Police ~~Force~~ Service quotas we have heard no reports of smoking ban violations or inner-city foxhunting.

On the panel tonight we have an utterly unbelievable lineup of John "thug and adulterer" Prescott, LibDem Brian "my boyfriend didn't deal in pot" Paddick, an exotically be-hatted Iranian called Camila Batmanghelidjh, also exotically be-hatted but in a different way Rev John Sentamu and Fraser Nelson.

As a frequent critic of the government Fraser Nelson fits the BBC panelist profile of token rightist nutter so why isn't there a representative of the government? At all? Society has fallen apart after 13 years of socialist education and social policy but you'd at least expect BBC pet wet rag Ken Clarke on their speed dial to make a mess of the case for the defence.

TheEye will be joined by the splendid David Mosque in moderating what promises to be a partisan carve-up unparalleled in the West since the Treaty of Versailles.

TheEye intended to put together Shot Bingo for this event. "Deprived", "Cuts", "Fatcha" and so on. Maybe even doubles for Miners Strike. But the targets are too obvious and there's an 'elf'n'safety lawyer risk to how much liver damage would be caused. Tequila, my friends, is the way forward. But limit yourself to a bottle. TheEye, to keep a sense of refinement, may open some calvados.

Join us at 10:30pm at your peril.

&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=0ac2644f7f" &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Question Time 11th August 2011&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;

Question Time LiveBlog 11th August 2011

2011-08-10T00:52:00.002+02:00

Question Time is currently on its summer break, and is scheduled to return on 8th September.

But! In terrific news for Bias-Watchers everywhere - there will be a special edition broadcast live this Thursday specifically to discuss the riots. It's going to be terrible and you know it.

Join us here for the usual Live-Chat at 10:30pm on Thursday....and bring alcohol. You will need it.

UK Riots...And Iran

2011-08-09T22:44:00.000+02:00

This post is offered without comment, really, because it speaks for itself.

Someone is seriously taking the piss. It's the sort of thing you'd expect to see on the Daily Mash or the Onion. Incredibly it seems to be genuine.

Iran has called on the British police to exercise restraint against people protesting over the killing of a Black man in London.

Iranian Foreign Ministry Spokesman Ramin Mehmanparast urged the British government to order the police to stop their violent confrontation with the people, IRNA reported in the early hours of Tuesday.

Mehmanparast asked the British government to start dialogue with the protesters and to listen to their demands in order to calm the situation down.

The Iranian official also asked independent human rights organizations to investigate the killing in order to protect the civil rights and civil liberties.

Great Excuses

2011-08-09T17:17:00.000+02:00

I was really drunk at the time.

Most of us have used that one. Some of us more than once. And that's just counting this week.

Great news for blaggers everywhere, then, from the always entertaining Albuquerque Journal:

Sunland Park Mayor Martin Resendiz admitted in court-related proceedings that he was drunk when he signed nine contracts with a California company suing the city for $1 million.

“The day I signed … I had way too much to drink. It was after 5 p.m. and I signed it (the contracts) and I didn’t know what I was signing,” Resendiz wrote in response to questions from lawyers for the architectural design firm Synthesis+. “My sister had to pick me up.”

TheEye is paying close attention to this court case - if he gets away with it then no contract will ever be safe again....which will be amusing to say the least.

Source here but it needs some effort to get past the ads

Riots

2011-08-08T20:57:00.001+02:00

...and so it appears that the rioting in Tottenham may not have been caused by the death of a local gangster who shot at a policeman - saved by the bullet embedding in his radio. Now we're looking more at a gangster with a fake gun, the police shooting twice and...well, it's all getting tricky.

TheEye avoided the whole incident by hiding in a place that the rioters would never discover...the nearest Job Centre.

The chaos has produced several great opportunities - for race-baiter and general scumbag Lee Jasper to get on television, for Kay Burley to reinforce her reputation on Sky as a moron and, well, steaming piles of other stupidity. Mostly from the rioters who decided to start a demonstration based on principle and quickly realised that nicking a radio alarm clock and some carpet off-cuts was the best outcome. Kudos to the Scot who gave up looting when he realised he needed a pound coin to use a Tescos shopping trolley.

The BBC (almost) produced some comedy gold: "Clasford Stirling, a resident of Tottenham for 32 years, said the area looked like a battlefield..." but they forgot to add "...and then the rioting began."

The only good thing TheEye could track down is this rather good time-lapse video of Tottenham burning. The rumour is that the riots have caused millions of pounds of improvements.

Not clever of the local ethnic minorities to destroy so many police cars though, as it reduces their main method of local transport. And not a surprise that they raided a retail park with a Comet, JD Sports and Lidls - but toiletries giant Boots remained untouched.

We Told You So (Euro Edition)

2011-08-06T19:51:00.000+02:00

And so they did. Is there an apology on the way from Clegg, Mandelson, Blair, Clarke, Heseltine etc?

Thought not.

Get Your Money Back, Sunshine

2011-08-03T03:18:00.003+02:00

Now it's not often TheEye mocks the surgeon-afflicted. But it's Wednesday, so let's go with it. Good money was paid for this operation, apparently...

Bloody hellfire. On a stick.

Johnny Vegas, you've really let yourself go, man.

POOLE council has warned a stadium company about its tourism role after a transsexual was left ‘humiliated’ because ~~she~~ [it] could not use the female toilets.

Victoria Saxe-Coburg from Springbourne, Bournemouth said ~~she~~ [it] was left in floods of tears by a security guard during a Poole Pirates speedway match.

The 55-year-old, who had a gender reassignment operation more than 20 years ago, said ~~she~~ [it] was told to use the disabled toilet after another spectator made a complaint.

Surely that name is pinched rather than inherited. Having an surname inextricably linked with our very own Royal Family...well, if this thing is related to Queen Victoria in any way then TheEye will eat his panama. Without salt.

The newspaper running the original story (Bournemouth Echo) didn't open this story to Comments. Not bloody surprised, frankly.

From the ever-spectacular APILN

The Hottest Day Forecast Since Records Began

2011-08-01T17:15:00.002+02:00

...no, not today! Instead, 150 years ago today. For this is the 150th anniversary of the first ever forecast by the Met Office. It was published in the Times and is (right)

Monday 1st of August 2011 is a very special day for the Met Office. We will be celebrating 150 years of forecasting for the nation, marking the anniversary of the first ever public weather forecast appearing in print.

Starting with the lines "general weather probable in the next two days", the short piece which appeared in on page 10 of the The Times in 1861 was a bold move which started forecasting as we know it today.

That makes the 2nd of August 1861 the hottest day forecast since records began :-)

Now things are very different. Barbeque summers and similar awful predictions have gone horribly wrong and we were famously told that 'it won't be very windy tomorrow'

The Met Office is now a global Trojan Horse for the we're all going to boil to death alarmists but can't guess what might happen tomorrow....although says it can guarantee to within a percentage of a degree what will happen in 50 years time if we don't recycle our potato peelings.

Happy Birthday to the Met Office...you politically corrupted bandwagon jumping hysterical bastards.

My Big Fat Geek Wedding

2011-08-01T15:57:00.000+02:00

When Miguel Hanson and his fiancee, Diana Wesley, got married on Saturday (two days ago), a computer program Hanson wrote served as the minister.

During the wedding, held in the Houston home of Hanson's parents, the couple stood before a 30-inch monitor in the backyard. In a robotic voice, the computer greeted the guests, and told the story of how the couple met.

Presumably ending with: Do you accept the terms & conditions of this matrimony? : Y/N

His parents must have been grateful that they'd finally got rid of the weird geek from their basement - although maybe that's where the honeymoon will be?

Still, computers marrying people. Then it'll be people marrying computers. That's bad enough, because Genesis (the Book, not the band) tells us how bad it all went the first time a woman got involved with an Apple.

Then they will demand computers in the military. And we all know how that movie ends...

That's not a picture of the lady in the story - its a blatant excuse to use a picture of a woman with large breasts

Join Labour For 1p?

2011-07-30T19:03:00.000+02:00

...if you're in the Forces, that is.

Ah, it's not like the good old days when joining Labour cost you £1million...but at least they gave you a seat in the House of Lords along with your membership card.

It's their new gimmick to attract a group of the population that they've always dumped on from a great height. How quickly people forget Bob Ainsworthless and Geoff "Hoon" Hoon.

From Jim Murphy, the Shadow Defence Secretary:

"...This would be an excellent and exciting move which would strengthen (not just) Labour's defence policy..."

This, of course, comes a big surprise to those of us who can't think of a single Labour policy on anything, and whose only memorable defence policy when in Government was to build two white elephant aircraft carriers at the end of Gordon Brown's allotment to provide bribes for Scottish voters. And make it more expensive to cancel them than to start building them.

Plus invading sandy places too. They did a lot of that.

But thinking about it - Rowan Williams has managed to destroy the Church of England from the inside...so maybe there's something to be said for this infiltration lark?

Sign up today! Maybe they've got a snooker table.

Ed Nose Day

2011-07-27T16:50:00.001+02:00

Good news, everyone! The ~~opportunistic little shit~~ Leader of the Opposition Ed Miliband has finally had that NHS-funded (that's you) nose-job designed to take the edge off his squeaky voice.

There was initially an outcry that he was getting cosmetic surgery to make his speeches slightly less painful on the ear. So a Labour supporting doctor was wheeled out to diagnose an imaginary "pre-existing" case of gonorrhea or something similar to justify the operation.

Well you'll be delighted to know that your taxpayer cash has been well spent:

One source who spoke to him after the operation said he sounded "exactly the same".

Hahaha ahaha ahaha hahaha

"Meet the new voice; same as the old voice."

Study: Sharp Things Are Sharp

2011-07-27T04:11:00.000+02:00

Good drills from the University of Leicester this week who have triumphed with a study published in this weeks Science Daily:

Mr Nolan said: "It is common knowledge that broken glass bottles can be used as an effective stabbing weapon and the results of the study have reaffirmed this."

Good effort.

It seems the point of this was to measure the amount of force it takes to stab someone effectively with a broken bottle. Apparently it might be relevant in stabbing prosecutions although the justification given for this appears to be ~~bollocks~~ tenuous. Another suggestion is to use the data in the search for a pint glass design which won't be of any use in a Glasgow boozer after 8pm. To be fair that's preferable to forcing us to drink from the abomination that is a plastic pint 'glass'. Which is wrong on every level.

But the whole thing boils down to a group of researchers proving that stabby things can stab you.

Scream 2

2011-07-26T19:40:00.000+02:00

TheEye blogged on this cartoon appearing in the Times, but it seems that no good idea goes "unborrowed".

The Irish Daily Mail went with this a day later. There's nothing new under the sun, it seems...

Good spot by Gavan Reilly

Unbiased Media?

2011-07-25T23:36:00.000+02:00

From here and how depressingly true.

The chorus of demands for Islamic terrorism to be disregarded now or somehow placed on an equal basis with a lone gunman have already reached fever pitch in the gutter appeasement sections of the Guardian (search for your own links to KommentenMachtFrei if you wish but no linky traffic provided from here.)

The BBC also quote "...campaigners say..." too often for it to be an accident. Odd how they are always unnamed 'campaigners' and what they say always fit the BBC agenda, but hey ho. That's your telly tax money at work.

Tasteless Or Topical?

2011-07-25T02:18:00.000+02:00

Yesterday the Sunday Times printed a very dark cartoon on its main op-ed pages, drawn by Gerald Scarfe.

Channel 4 News technology correspondent Ben Cohen said that 'mass murder seems more than a little inappropriate for parody' and promptly kicked off a fierce online debate about it.

TheEye thinks that it is an inspired re-imagining of the mental anguish, terror and helplessness shown in the original and that makes it rather brilliant.

...and that Ben Cohen should wind his smug prissy over-sensitive neck in and shut up.

Lies, Damned Lies And Statistics About Terrorist Attacks

2011-07-23T17:02:00.003+02:00

or, if you prefer as a headline: Observations On Life No.5263 : Eyes Closed

The EU collect statistics on many things, and one interesting example is a breakdown of terrorist attacks within its borders; completed, uncompleted and foiled efforts.

Their summary for 2010 is:

Islamist: 3 (1%)
Separatist: 160 (64%)
Left Wing/Anarchist: 45 (18%)
Right Wing: 0 (0%)
Single Issue: 0 (0%)
Unspecified (UK): 40 (16%)
Total: 249

And why is that list interesting? Not for the numbers themselves because they are influenced by the ongoing separatist and murderous campaign of ETA - plus a few Breton flag-burners gone rogue.

But for the fact that the UK and only the UK refuse to be specific about the origins of ~~residents of Lutonistan~~ our home-grown terrorists. It can only be the BBC's Great Unmentionable Religion Of Peace by process of elimination, obviously, because everyone in Northern Ireland "~~we haven't gone away, you know"~~ have given up their guns, adopted orphaned fluffy bunnies and are no danger to anyone at all. No sir'ee.

When you're an ostrich and you have two big political reasons to bury bad news then you just push your head even further into the sand. Are we surprised? Not really....

UN Green Helmets?

2011-07-22T19:00:00.000+02:00

In their ongoing struggle to find a mission and a purpose, we have more New World Order authoritarian nonsense from the United Nations...this time it is deploying ground troops to 'combat'the fictional global warming menace:

A special meeting of the United Nations security council is due to consider whether to expand its mission to keep the peace in an era of climate change. … There has been talk … of a new environmental peacekeeping force — green helmets — which could step into conflicts caused by shrinking resources.

Snipers will be deployed in urban areas to eliminate anyone daring to hold a barbeque. Bicycle owning will be compulsory and offenders will be waterboarded.

The madness isn't confined to the UN though.

The Pentagon and other military establishments have long recognised climate change as a “threat multiplier” with the potential to escalate existing conflicts, and create new disputes as food, water, and arable land become increasingly scarce.

[Germany's UN ambassador Peter] Wittig seems to agree, noting that UN peacekeepers have long intervened in areas beyond traditional conflicts.

“Repainting blue helmets into green might be a strong signal — but would dealing with the consequences of climate change — say in precarious regions — be really very different from the tasks the blue helmets already perform today?” he wrote.

And Chris Huhne can call us all Nazis again. Which will be nice.

Godwin's Law (Huhne Edition)

2011-07-22T14:19:00.000+02:00

He's lost the plot. Jumped the shark...utterly utterly mad. And why isn't he in jail for the driving stuff yet, anyway?

Job Opportunity: Chief Plod

2011-07-22T14:02:00.000+02:00

Considering Boris' recent track record with losing senior policemen, this job advert might be a bit optimistic when it says the job of Metropolitan Police Commissioner is a five year post.

It'd be interesting (ish) to know if the job has graced the SitVac pages of any national newspapers and if so which ones.

Applicants should be serving UK chief constables

..which rules most of out.

If you are one, though, then applications to someone who rejoices in the name of A Llama* before 12th August.

* almost

You May Now Juggle

2011-07-22T11:49:00.000+02:00

In great news for the inhabitants of Cook County, Illinois, the Forest Preserve Commissioners voted last week to change laws covering "misconduct" within the region. Now you can legally try your hand at fortune-telling, "acrobatic feats" and juggling there.

Splendidly, it is no longer "disorderly conduct" for confidence men to lounge around in a barn after the repeal of:

all persons who are known to be thieves, burglars, pickpockets, robbers or confidence men, either by their own confession or otherwise or by having been convicted of larceny, burglary, or other crimes against the laws of the State of Illinois, who are found lounging in or prowling or loitering around any house, barn, building or other structure within any forest preserve, and who are unable to give a reasonable excuse for being so found.

It was a fantastically vague law which applied to anybody "known to be" in one of the listed categories because of a confession, a conviction, "or otherwise." It also didn't offer a legal definition "lounging" or "fortune telling" but that makes no difference now because you can do both. Perhaps even at the same time.

"Fortune-tellers are now free to go in the forest preserve and do whatever it is they do," he said.

Good stuff, and well done to Cook County, Illinois.

Hacking

2011-07-19T10:11:00.003+02:00

With every newsreader and lazy journalist in the world apparently ignorant of what the word 'hacking' actually means, it's about time that some of the real gurus in the field made themselves available.

LulzSec have taken down a raft of News International sites, including The Times, the Sunday Times, the Sun, the old News of the World site and News International itself. They've also compromised an older Sun test server and retrieved a raft of address lists and contact details which they are releasing. It's not up to date but it is nevertheless interesting to those who are interested in such things.

This morning the sites listed above are just down, but before they collapsed entirely readers of the Sun were directed to a spoof news story supposedly reporting the death of Rupert Murdoch.

TheEye will be patiently waiting for a refund on the recently purchased iPad Times subscription...and waiting, and waiting, probably.

All of this nonsense leads us to the newest and breaking story of the Murdochalypse*....why can't LulzSec work out how to use apostrophes?

* Copyright SeanT of PoliticalBetting

Watch Your Language

2011-07-15T20:56:00.000+02:00

The thing with being mugged by genuine muggers is they only get away with your wallet, and don't make you say sorry. In Canada we have someone hitting the Compensation button because a stewardess didn't speak Frog. What's the only difference between Sprite and 7Up anyway...apart from the fact that it was easier to find a picture of 7Up with a girl attached to illustrate this story?

The Federal Court of Canada on Wednesday ordered Air Canada to pay $12,000 to Ottawa French-language rights crusader Michel Thibodeau in part because when he asked an English-speaking flight attendant for 7Up in May 12 of 2009, he got Sprite.

"The applicants' language rights are clearly very important to them and the violation of their rights caused them a moral prejudice, pain and suffering and loss of enjoyment of their vacation," Justice Marie-Josee Bedard wrote in her judgment.

The judge's name, sounds a bit *cough* French, eh?

Air Canada was also ordered to apologize to Mr. Thibodeau and his wife Lynda.

Bloody hellfire. Has it really come to this?

'Ang On!

2011-07-13T17:00:00.000+02:00

Oh now ‘ang on, I’m not ‘avin that

Following Andy Hayman's extraordinary outburst yesterday (YouTube) in front of the House of Commons Home Affairs Select Committee when asked if he took bribes, a photographer at The Times has grabbed one of those perfectly juxtaposed snaps. Worth re-posting as it will be lost and unappreciated behind the paywall otherwise...

Mother Doesn't Know Best

2011-07-13T14:05:00.000+02:00

The Express has only three headlines on continuous daily revolution: Diana, Immigration and BureaucracyGoneMad. If they had a sister paper in Colorado it would need a pull-out colour supplement to fully take the piss out of the recently released Colorado Department of Human Services Proposed Child Care Center Rules.

It starts harmlessly enough.

ALL PERSONNEL SHALL REFRAIN FROM CONDUCT THAT WOULD ENDANGER THE SAFETY OR WELL BEING OF CHILDREN.

...which is fine. Throwing darts at them is never likely to be a good idea. But it quickly moves into OCD induced madness - there are two pages with multiple points and sub-points precisely dictating precise methods for adult and child hand-washing.

Do you think you know how to raise your child? Well you are WRONG

TELEVISION, VIDEO, AND COMPUTER TIME IS LIMITED TO 20 MINUTES PER DAY UNLESS IT IS A SPECIAL OCCASION.
4. TELEVISION AND VIDEO VIEWING SHALL NOT BE ALLOWED FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF TWO (2).
5 TELEVISION, VIDEO AND COMPUTER TIME SHALL NOT BE AVAILABLE DURING SNACK OR MEAL TIMES.

So wrong. You know nothing about how to raise your own children. Do you, for example, have this at home?

EACH INFANT AND TODDLER CLASSROOM SHALL HAVE AT LEAST ONE (1) SET OF 6 OR MORE SOFT VINYL OR PLASTIC
BLOCKS.

SCHOOL AGE BLOCKS AND ACCESSORIES
A. EACH CLASSROOM SHALL HAVE AT LEAST TWO (2) SETS OF BLOCKS WITH A MINIMUM OF TEN (10) BLOCKS PER SET.
B. EACH CLASSROOM SHALL HAVE A VARIETY OF AT LEAST FIVE (5) ACCESSORIES FOR EACH BLOCK SET. THE ACCESSORIES
SHALL BE STORED WITH THE BLOCK SETS AND SHALL BE REPRESENTATIVE OF PEOPLE, ANIMALS, TRANSPORTATION ETC.

Worse still, you are certainly racist. There is no doubt of that.

DOLLS SHALL REPRESENT THREE (3) RACES.

And because you didn't transport your child to nursery in a solar powered yoghurt pot, the global worming you have personally caused need to be deflected by more regulation:

1. The center must obtain the parent or guardian’s written authorization and
instructions for applying sunscreen to their children’s exposed skin prior
to outside play. A doctor’s permission is not needed to use sunscreen at
the center.
23. When supplied for an individual child, the sunscreen must SHALL be
labeled with the child’s first and last name.
3. 4. If sunscreen is provided by the center, parents must SHALL be notified
in advance, in writing, of the type of sunscreen the center will use.
45. Children over FOUR (4) years of age may ARE ALLOWED TO apply
sunscreen to themselves under the direct supervision of a staff member.

Read that bit again - the suncreen SHALL have both the child's first and last name on it. If it has only the ~~Christian~~ [aaaaargh, religious bigotry alert!] first name or surname on it then you are a BAD PARENT and probably a TERRORIST as well and must be SHOT!

Rules and regulations are one thing. Even as manic and overbearing as this nonsense. Even as terrifying and oppressive as we've got here. But at least there's one thing you can't regulate...human interaction and politeness...

CHILDREN SHOULD BE GREETED INDIVIDUALLY AND PLEASANTLY UPON ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE

...oh

“In the beginning, God created idiots. That was for practice. He then created School Boards.”
– Mark Twain

Glass Half Full or Half Empty?

2011-07-12T13:27:00.000+02:00

In a poll released today by polling organisation Angus Reid (who, to be fair, made a complete hash of the General Election percentages so maybe we shouldn't pay too much attention) it seems that half of Britons would vote for freedom and an escape from the EU.

The level of animosity towards the European Union (EU) in Britain remains high, a new Angus Reid Public Opinion poll has found.

In the online survey of a representative national sample of 2,003 British adults, a majority of respondents (57%) believe that EU membership has been negative for the United Kingdom, while only one third (32%) think it has had a positive effect.

Respondents aged 18-to-34 are more likely to express positive feelings about the EU (45%) than those aged 35-to-54 (31%) and those over the age of 55 (22%).

Half of Britons (49%) say they would vote against the United Kingdom remaining a member of the EU if a referendum took place, while only one-in-four (25%) would vote to stay. Older respondents favour the idea of abandoning the EU by a 3-to-1 margin (68% to 19%).

Finally, Britons oppose the notion of the UK adopting the euro as its national currency by a 10-to-1 margin, with 81 per cent of respondents saying they would reject this course of action in a referendum.

10-1 against the Euro these days...remind us again, did anyone thank William Hague for successfully running that campaign?

The arguments for what this poll means can cut both ways, but there is one depressing truth - if there is a referendum then the full scare tactics of (the leadership of) the two main parties, all of the other yellow one and the massive media tyranny of the BBC would come to bear on any EU naysayers. We'd be told that if we quit then the country would turn into the economic and social wastelands of Somalia, Mogadishu or Bradford overnight.

On the other hand, Bradford already has turned into Bradford so maybe we should take the risk....

Question Time LiveBlog 7th July 2011

2011-07-07T21:48:00.004+02:00

Question Time comes tonight from Basingstoke, which is twinned with Isengard in Mordor. Locally known as Gaysinblokes it is a marginally stylish buffer between the twin dumps of Southampton and Reading. It only features a swimming pool, two instantly forgettable colleges and a massive nightclub called Liquid which is populated by tattooed grannies dressed as 17-year olds.*

On the panel tonight we have Dept of Work and Pensions Minister Chris Grayling, the most self-righteous woman in the entire Universe Shirley Williams, Wee Dougie Alexander, the unpredictable but usual voice of sanity Jon Gaunt and...wait for it...Hugh Grant...

..right that's right. Hugh Grant. This show has finally jumped the shark. An ugly-cheap-slapper-acquiring bloke who is notorious for trying too hard with high profile "girlfriends" to deflect the fact that he's obviously gay. He appeared in some B movies. Years ago. Mug shot here, just for fun :-)

Oh yes. That's the BBC's premier political programme tonight.

The LiveBlog will also stay open for the bizarreness of This Week with Andrew Neil, and Michael Portillo. They are joined on the Sofa of Mediocrity by crater-faced failed postie Alan Johnson and the pompous Max Clifford. Sylvia Syms is promised as an extra (from Ice Cold In Alex? Surely not!), and a political round-up from Guradian bore Nick Watt.

David Vance, TheEye and David Mosque will be moderating the abuse here from 10:30pm. See you later!

&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=f2d598e1d9" &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Question Time 7th July 2011&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;

* Note to the bloke who emailed me last week about the description of his town - I've never been to these places and it's only humour, eh? *It's a laugh* Go shoot yourself. Slowly.

The Word "Inmate" Is Hurtful

2011-07-07T07:33:00.000+02:00

In a rather entertaining lawsuit just filed in the Eastern District of New York (Brooklyn), a woman is demanding that the State stop using the word "inmate"...because it is offensive to ~~inmates~~ the unenthusiastically liberty-inhibited. The court action has been started on behalf of her brother and claims that he has suffered extreme mental anguish because, according to her, the word "inmate" implies that he has been "locked up for the purpose of mating with other men."

This implication apparently will have a "disgraceful" impact on the reputation of the *cough* convicted murderer *cough*.

"To me," the sister told the New York Post, "it just sounded very wrong" ...to apply the label "inmate" to a murderer doing 25-to-life for shooting someone in the head during a drug deal that went wrong.

Pedants would point out that the word "inmate" doesn't actually means what she thinks it does. In fact from its earliest recorded use in 1589, it is defined as "one allowed to live in a house rented by another" (usually for a consideration), from in "inside" + mate "companion." You even have to wait until 1834 to find it used in the context of "one confined to an institution". Taking it up the Gary has never featured.

Also fun is the claim for $50m in damages. But she isn't anywhere near the summit of stupidity with that amount. If you're going to take the piss then do it properly - one bloke set the standard by suing the Bank of America for 1,784 billion trillion dollars which is a whole bigger hatful of stupid.

More Eco-Stupid Products

2011-07-05T21:14:00.000+02:00

Glasses made out of human hair. Who thinks up this nonsense?

Is cos it will save the polar bears, innit...

Two Royal College of Art graduates have discovered a way to turn human tresses into sustainable eyewear. Not all of us are blessed with 20/20 vision, which means that petroleum-based plastic or energy-intensive wire frames are a necessary evil. Azusa Murakami and Alexander Groves' aptly named "hair glasses," however, tap into a readily available and renewable resource: the millions of pounds of hair cuttings that salons across the United Kingdom throw away each year.

But how do you turn flimsy follicles into a durable yet lightweight structure? The answer lies in a plant-based bioresin that acts as a binding agent. No harmful substances are released during production, plus the resulting frames are 100 percent biodegradable when they're no longer useful.

The natural second stage of this idea is to kill off all bald people - who are obviously no use in the Brave New Eco-Society.

The Politics Of Spinning A Crime

2011-07-05T15:18:00.005+02:00

The ever-breathless Nick Robinson is leading the joint Labour - Al Beeb charge to pin as much blame as possible on David Cameron for fact that a private investigator working for a newspaper listened to (and deleted) some voicemails of a murdered child eight years ago.

TheEye has been keen to put a post together on the sheer hypocrisy and fuckwittery on show here, but was beaten to the punch on another forum. For a great summary of the whole story, take it away the splendid Richard Nabavi:

It is alleged that, in 2002, five years into a 13 year period of Labour government, journalists working for a Labour-supporting newspaper edited by a someone who was a close friend of the then Labour Prime Minister Tony Blair, and who was also feted by the then Labour Chancellor and later Labour Prime Minister Gordon Brown, illegally accessed the voicemail of missing Milly Dowler.

The NOTW passed the police information about this; the police took no action against the NOTW at the time. A few months later, in March 2003, the full extent of this then-common illegal phone-blagging activity became known to the Labour government when Operation Motorman revealed that many newspapers, including notably the Labour-supporting Mirror and Labour-supporting Guardian, used similar methods.

But nothing much was done until, six years later, the Labour government was finally voted out of office, when suddenly this whole story became an issue.

And this is all the fault of David Cameron, an opposition backbencher at the time of the Milly Dowler murder?

One cannot but admire the highly effective, vicious, hypocritical chutzpah of New Labour, who are prepared to twist any story, including the murder of a young girl, into an anti-Tory attack.

If you get your news from the BBC and only have a passing interest in the political angle of current affairs, of course, you won't have been challenged to consider the timeline of the affair. You'll just have Al-Beebja reporter after reporter explaining how Cameron eats babies.

And to add insult to duplicitous injury we knew a while back from the Guardian:

Rupert Murdoch used his political influence and contacts at the highest levels to try to get Labour MPs and peers to back away from investigations into phone hacking at the News of the World, a former minister in Gordon Brown’s government has told the Observer.

The ex-minister, who does not want to be named, says he is aware of evidence that Murdoch, the chairman of News Corporation, relayed messages to Brown last year via a third party, urging him to help take the political heat out of the row, which he felt was in danger of damaging his company.

Brown, who stepped down as prime minister after last May’s general election defeat for Labour, has refused to comment on the claim, but has not denied it.

But still, Cameron is obviously the wife-beating, baby-eating evil bastard as opposed to the Prime Minister of the time. If TheEye paid the licence fee, he would stop.

Burn The Witches!

2011-07-04T20:43:00.000+02:00

Everyone, of course, knows what a witch is. Ragged and wild old woman; misdirects lost travellers, hobbles and cackles whilst saying lawks and is often seen at public executions performing a task impossible to mere mortals - knitting.

Sir Bedevere will also prove to you that they weigh the same as a duck and are made of wood.

Some of them also, it seems, live in Warwickshire.

Two witches descend on an ancient market town – only to be targeted by terrified Christians calling for them to be burned at the stake.

But for dad-of-one Albion and his partner Raven, 39, this is no historical event... it is a 21st Century nightmare.

The couple opened their shop The Whispering Witch in the quaint town of Alcester, Warwickshire, around 15 months ago and claim to have been subjected to a hate campaign ever since.

So who are the nasty people?

“We’ve also had letters quoting extracts from the Bible telling us not to ‘promote the work of darkness’ in ‘their town’. I can only assume this is the work of Christians.

Christians? Ah good, the one religion you can pick on with impugnity and no chance of being arrested or sued or stoned. Christians! Boooo! Hisss!

It’s like living in the 16th century.”

The 16th Century? Except with extra flush toilets, plasma televisions and benefits fraud.

The pair, from Redditch, have been Pagans for years and no longer use their birth names, which they refuse to reveal.

That used to be a classic dodge from the Community Charge. Who are they running away from?

“Things have gotten so bad that Raven has been close to a nervous breakdown,” Albion said. “When she walks down the street, people cross the road to avoid her.

They probably didn't mean "cross" there. Or maybe they did. Irony?

So, do you think they want money, maybe?

“She’s been to the doctor to get help, the stress is too much.

Aaah, we can all relax now. We're sauntering into familiar I Want Some Compensation territory. It's like slipping on an old pair of slippers.

All you need now, chaps, is a good -ism. Perhaps you could start with a small one? Work upwards gently?

“It is pathetic and unbelievable. What we are suffering is racism from people with a 16th century mentality.

BANG! Straight in at the top with racism. Mornington Crescent! Well played, Sir!

“People come and ask us for advice and sometimes they want to be put in touch with loved ones who have passed away,” Albion said. “We can do that through our seances. Sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn’t.”

Confidence tricksters too...hmmm, wonder if they pay tax on those earnings?

And their proposed local 'festival'...

"It’s something that could really put Alcester on the map.”

Being put on top of a bonfire has the effect of highlighting your community...oh yes...

The couple have not yet reported the incidents to police

Can't be that bad then, eh?

This post started out as a light-hearted reporting of a joke newspaper piece.

By the end of it TheEye now thinks they need a good kicking.

Question Time LiveBlog 30th June 2011

2011-06-30T18:30:00.004+02:00

Question Time comes tonight from Birmingham; a post apocalyptic prison-city which was extensively remodelled in the mid 20th Century by Adolf Hitler and is located in a huge bomb crater somewhere in the Midlands. Highlights include nightmarish buildings, utterly miserable public transport and sadistic traffic systems. For this reason Birmingham has been designated an IKEA World Heritage Site.

Birmingham currently holds the world record for fruitless scratch card scratching and bitterly screwed up lottery tickets.

On the panel tonight we have Secretary of State for Transport Philip Hammond MP, Shadow Business Secretary John Denham MP, General Secretary of the National Union of Teachers Christine Blower, Labour supporting Sir Richard Lambert (although recently in favour of deficit reduction) and Polly Toynbee.

LiveBlog commenters are kindly asked to leave sharp objects at the door. Your moderators accept no responsibility for injury or damage to nearby objects. Alcohol is virtually essential.

The LiveBlog will also stay open for the bizarreness of This Week with Andrew Neil, and Michael Portillo. They are joined on the Sofa of Mediocrity by Gisela Stuart MP; hindered by some people calling themselves "Michael Rosen" and "Trevor Beresford Romeo OBE" who all of you down wiv da kidz peeps will know as "DJ Jazzie B". Plus a political round-up from Adam Boulton. Joy.

David Vance, TheEye and David Mosque will be moderating the abuse here from 10:30pm. See you later!

&amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php/option=com_mobile/task=viewaltcast/altcast_code=5f395cb18d" &amp;gt;Question Time 30th June 2011&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

The UK Is Screwed (Teaching Sector Edition)

2011-06-26T17:40:00.004+02:00

There is an article on al-Beeb today documenting what seems on the surface to be a perfectly sensible idea by Education Secretary Michael Gove to make the standard of teaching in the UK system slightly less crap. The reason that it seems sensible on the surface is that...basically it is sensible as far as it goes - which isn't far at all.

Prospective teachers, it is suggested, should need to have a certain level of proficiency in basic numeracy and literacy before embarking on their ~~long holiday~~ ~~militant~~ ~~taxpayer funded~~ ~~cultural desert~~ ~~politically correct~~ ~~hands tied by choice~~ ~~indoctrinating children~~ ~~global warming will kill us all, kids~~ career.

Firstly, let's consider how bad it is right now.

Students will not be allowed to enter teacher training in England if they fail basic numeracy and literacy tests three times, under tougher rules to raise teaching standards.

"Tougher", eh? Let's come back to that.

At present students are allowed to take unlimited re-sits while they train.

The Department for Education said one in 10 trainees takes the numeracy test more than three times, while the figure is one in 14 for the literacy test.

Actually let's not come back to it. Let's sit some of the sample test questions now (more here):

Q: Teachers organised activities for three classes of 24 pupils and four classes of 28 pupils. What was the total number of pupils involved?
A: 184.

Q: There were no " " remarks at the parents' evening. Is the missing word:
a) dissaproving
b) disaproveing
c) dissapproving
d) disapproving?
A: d

Q: For a science experiment a teacher needed 95 cubic centimetres of vinegar for each pupil. There were 20 pupils in the class. Vinegar comes in 1,000 cubic centimetre bottles. How many bottles of vinegar were needed?
A: 2

Q: The children enjoyed the " " nature of the task. Is the correct word:
a) mathmatical
b) mathematical
c) mathemmatical
d) mathematicall
A: b

The people sitting this test want to be teachers fergoodnessakes.

The aim is to improve the standard of students entering teaching.

Obviously.

The National Union of Teachers said it considered the tests "superfluous".

Obviously.

Actually, rewind and think about that test again. They aren't proposing to make it harder, just say that you can't fail it more than three times! And at the moment, 10% of potential teachers are doing just that!

But the NUT said candidates who needed several resits to pass the tests were dyslexic, had English as an additional language, or were less familiar with the on-line testing system.

Eh? We have teachers who are dyslexic? And No Speaky The Good Englandish? Aaargh!

Just as you'd expect an accountant to be able to add up and a parachutist to have a head for heights, surely you'd expect a teacher to be able to speak the language they are teaching in and know how to click a mouse button?

And the 'testing system'? Honestly, if Wayne Rooney can make Twitter work then this whole on-line thingy can't be that bloody hard.

Don't even start about your children coming home and parroting school-rehearsed lines about the evils of smoking, diet, using electricity and forgetting to recycle your own urine.

The way it's going, home schooling may be the only way forward.

Civil Service Quotas?

2011-06-26T16:07:00.000+02:00

It's often said that the Swiss have an excellent form of government. You can point to the fact that local and national referenda mean that different Cantons offer different tax rates, the citizens are armed and they are currently not putting up with this minaret building nonsense.

That doesn't stop them coming up with some batshit-crazy ideas though. Consider this:

Quotas for women, disabled people and French speakers are to be introduced into Swiss public service, the government decided on Wednesday.

The decision means that a number of quotas are to be set and implemented in the next legislative period, running from 2012 to 2015. By the end of that time, between 44 and 48 percent of Swiss government employees are to be women.

There will be lower female quotas for the military and border police, areas where far fewer women work at the moment. Not including these areas, Swiss public service was made up of 42.1 percent women in 2010 – including the military and border control, the figure was only 31.7 percent.

The government is now aiming to introduce a female quota of 11 to 12 percent in the military and 8.5 to 10.5 in the border police.

To make the transition easier, the quotas will also be distinguished by salary bracket in proportion to the current male – female ratio. For instance, the female quota will be 29 to 34 percent in the salary bracket from 143,000 to 182,000 francs a year (€118,000 - €150,000). But in the top civil service bracket of 195,000 to 366,000 francs, the quota will only be 16 to 20 percent women.

The government is also aiming to incrementally reduce the number of Swiss German speakers in public service, and raise the number of Swiss French and Italian speakers. By 2015, there will be a maximum of 70 percent Swiss Germans in public service (in 2010 it was 72.1 percent), and at least 22 percent Swiss French and 7 percent Swiss Italians.

Just imagine if the BBC, for example, were obligated to recruit a certain percentage of people based not on talent or ability but just the colour of their skin. Okay, okay, you'd not notice any difference.

But next time you visit Switzerland just remember...that woman behind the customs counter is probably a bit more retarded than usual.

Miss Gibraltar 2011

2011-06-25T19:35:00.001+02:00

Tonight TheEye will be at the annual Miss Gibraltar competition. Purely in the interests of research, you know.

*sigh* the hardships endured by your host here in the interests of journalism...

On the subject of hardship, some people by the names of "Katie Waissel" and "Jamie Archer" from something called the "X Factor" will apparently be there too. Luckily tonight, drinking at the event is allowed/encouraged.

Many of the families - all dressed up for the event - were in the Horseshoe pub on Main Street about an hour ago getting a last minute drink in before what will be a stressful evening for them all. No such pressure for us observers!

The pressure is on because this can be the stepping stone for greater things. You may remember that two years ago the fantastic Kaiane Aldorino was first Miss Gibraltar and then Miss World. She's still doing great stuff for charity - both locally and abroad - and earlier this month surfaced in resident blogger David Vance's home town judging Miss Northern Ireland.

Best of luck to all of the contestants tonight!

Pic from the Chronic

Question Time LiveBlog 23rd June 2011

2011-06-23T21:25:00.000+02:00

Question Time comes tonight from Huddersfield in the Colne Valley - where the surrounding hills provide a stunning view of the permanent yellow smog over the town. To the east lies the tourist attractions of the ICI complex, various shopping complexes and Leeds Road - the main escape route - which is lined by a selection of everything's-a-pound shops, Netto, Lidl, and derelict buildings.

Who is actually on the panel this week? Let's run it as a competition.

Okay: John Redwood. Okay, no prize for knowing him. Wikipedia reckons Norman Baker is either a Parliamentary Under-Secretary for Transport or the navigator on Thor Heyerdahl's Ra, Ra II and Tigris reed boat expeditions. The explorer would be more interesting.

Rachel Reeves is apparently a Labour MP who is so unbelievably obscure that in her biography under "Personal" it only tells us that she moved house in 2006 and who her sister is. Yes, really.

Fern Britton is someone who was last spotted when 'retiring' from daytime television two years ago.

David Mitchell? No idea. A Tory MP who stepped down in 1983? A cricketer who played for Devon? Once? Or this murderer hung in Barbados in 2000? The studio might get a bit smelly if so.

No, really...I give up. Who is he?

The LiveBlog will also stay open for the bizarreness of This Week with Andrew Neil, and Michael Portillo. They are joined on the Sofa of Mediocrity by Postman Prat...Alan Johnson.

David Vance, TheEye and David Mosque will be moderating the abuse here from 10:30pm. See you later!

Question Time 23rd June 2011

Job Opportunity O' The Week

2011-06-23T00:37:00.003+02:00

In Harris County, Texas:

JOB TITLE: Breastfeeding Assistant
HOURS: 40 Hours Per Week
Some Evenings & Saturdays As Needed

SALARY: Will Be Discussed During Departmental Interview
Plus Mileage Reimbursement
Based on 26 Pay Periods

Sometimes a post just speaks for itself...

If you want to apply, be warned:

ALL APPLICANTS ARE SCREENED FOR THE PRESENCE OF ILLEGAL DRUGS.

Welcome To The Jungle

2011-06-21T06:41:00.000+02:00

The path from dhimmitude to Islamization continues in Australia:

A Muslim woman sentenced to six months' jail for making a deliberately false statement that a racist policeman tried to forcibly remove her burka has been freed on appeal.

Judge Clive Jeffreys said he was not satisfied beyond reasonable doubt it was Carnita Matthews, a 47-year-old Muslim woman from Woodbine, NSW, who accused the police of racism because the person who handed in the complaint to police was wearing a burka at the time.

To reach the level of proof of identity to prove the case, it appears Mrs Matthews would have been required to identify herself by lifting her burka at the police station to prove her identity - which is what started the uproar in the first case.

Surely there can't be a violent mob involved? Ah yes, it seems there is:

More than a dozen Muslim supporters linked arms and began chanting "Allah Uh Ahkbar" as they stormed out of Downing Centre, Sydney, with Mrs Matthews concealed behind them.

Tempers soon rose and they began jostling with police after several members of the group began attacking TV cameramen.

Mrs Matthew's lawyer Stephen Hopper defended them, saying: "They are obviously happy with the result and are expressing it in a way that is culturally appropriate to them".

Culturally appropriate? Yes, for deranged savages it probably is.