Question Time LiveBlog 30th June 2011

Question Time comes tonight from Birmingham; a post apocalyptic prison-city which was extensively remodelled in the mid 20th Century by Adolf Hitler and is located in a huge bomb crater somewhere in the Midlands. Highlights include nightmarish buildings, utterly miserable public transport and sadistic traffic systems. For this reason Birmingham has been designated an IKEA World Heritage Site.

Birmingham currently holds the world record for fruitless scratch card scratching and bitterly screwed up lottery tickets.

On the panel tonight we have Secretary of State for Transport Philip Hammond MP, Shadow Business Secretary John Denham MP, General Secretary of the National Union of Teachers Christine Blower, Labour supporting Sir Richard Lambert (although recently in favour of deficit reduction) and Polly Toynbee.

LiveBlog commenters are kindly asked to leave sharp objects at the door. Your moderators accept no responsibility for injury or damage to nearby objects. Alcohol is virtually essential.

The LiveBlog will also stay open for the bizarreness of This Week with Andrew Neil, and Michael Portillo. They are joined on the Sofa of Mediocrity by Gisela Stuart MP; hindered by some people calling themselves "Michael Rosen" and "Trevor Beresford Romeo OBE" who all of you down wiv da kidz peeps will know as "DJ Jazzie B". Plus a political round-up from Adam Boulton. Joy.

David Vance, TheEye and David Mosque will be moderating the abuse here from 10:30pm. See you later!

Read more...

The UK Is Screwed (Teaching Sector Edition)

There is an article on al-Beeb today documenting what seems on the surface to be a perfectly sensible idea by Education Secretary Michael Gove to make the standard of teaching in the UK system slightly less crap. The reason that it seems sensible on the surface is that...basically it is sensible as far as it goes - which isn't far at all.


Prospective teachers, it is suggested, should need to have a certain level of proficiency in basic numeracy and literacy before embarking on their long holiday militant taxpayer funded cultural desert politically correct hands tied by choice indoctrinating children global warming will kill us all, kids career.

Firstly, let's consider how bad it is right now.

Students will not be allowed to enter teacher training in England if they fail basic numeracy and literacy tests three times, under tougher rules to raise teaching standards.

"Tougher", eh? Let's come back to that.

At present students are allowed to take unlimited re-sits while they train.

The Department for Education said one in 10 trainees takes the numeracy test more than three times, while the figure is one in 14 for the literacy test.

Actually let's not come back to it. Let's sit some of the sample test questions now (more here):

Q: Teachers organised activities for three classes of 24 pupils and four classes of 28 pupils. What was the total number of pupils involved?
A: 184.


Q: There were no " " remarks at the parents' evening. Is the missing word:
a) dissaproving
b) disaproveing
c) dissapproving
d) disapproving?
A: d


Q: For a science experiment a teacher needed 95 cubic centimetres of vinegar for each pupil. There were 20 pupils in the class. Vinegar comes in 1,000 cubic centimetre bottles. How many bottles of vinegar were needed?
A: 2


Q: The children enjoyed the " " nature of the task. Is the correct word:
a) mathmatical
b) mathematical
c) mathemmatical
d) mathematicall
A: b

The people sitting this test want to be teachers fergoodnessakes.

The aim is to improve the standard of students entering teaching.

Obviously.

The National Union of Teachers said it considered the tests "superfluous".

Obviously.


Actually, rewind and think about that test again. They aren't proposing to make it harder, just say that you can't fail it more than three times! And at the moment, 10% of potential teachers are doing just that!

But the NUT said candidates who needed several resits to pass the tests were dyslexic, had English as an additional language, or were less familiar with the on-line testing system.

Eh? We have teachers who are dyslexic? And No Speaky The Good Englandish? Aaargh!

Just as you'd expect an accountant to be able to add up and a parachutist to have a head for heights, surely you'd expect a teacher to be able to speak the language they are teaching in and know how to click a mouse button?

And the 'testing system'? Honestly, if Wayne Rooney can make Twitter work then this whole on-line thingy can't be that bloody hard.

Don't even start about your children coming home and parroting school-rehearsed lines about the evils of smoking, diet, using electricity and forgetting to recycle your own urine.

The way it's going, home schooling may be the only way forward.

Read more...

Civil Service Quotas?

It's often said that the Swiss have an excellent form of government. You can point to the fact that local and national referenda mean that different Cantons offer different tax rates, the citizens are armed and they are currently not putting up with this minaret building nonsense.

That doesn't stop them coming up with some batshit-crazy ideas though. Consider this:

Quotas for women, disabled people and French speakers are to be introduced into Swiss public service, the government decided on Wednesday.

The decision means that a number of quotas are to be set and implemented in the next legislative period, running from 2012 to 2015. By the end of that time, between 44 and 48 percent of Swiss government employees are to be women.

There will be lower female quotas for the military and border police, areas where far fewer women work at the moment. Not including these areas, Swiss public service was made up of 42.1 percent women in 2010 – including the military and border control, the figure was only 31.7 percent.

The government is now aiming to introduce a female quota of 11 to 12 percent in the military and 8.5 to 10.5 in the border police.

To make the transition easier, the quotas will also be distinguished by salary bracket in proportion to the current male – female ratio. For instance, the female quota will be 29 to 34 percent in the salary bracket from 143,000 to 182,000 francs a year (€118,000 - €150,000). But in the top civil service bracket of 195,000 to 366,000 francs, the quota will only be 16 to 20 percent women.

The government is also aiming to incrementally reduce the number of Swiss German speakers in public service, and raise the number of Swiss French and Italian speakers. By 2015, there will be a maximum of 70 percent Swiss Germans in public service (in 2010 it was 72.1 percent), and at least 22 percent Swiss French and 7 percent Swiss Italians.

Just imagine if the BBC, for example, were obligated to recruit a certain percentage of people based not on talent or ability but just the colour of their skin. Okay, okay, you'd not notice any difference.

But next time you visit Switzerland just remember...that woman behind the customs counter is probably a bit more retarded than usual.

Read more...

Miss Gibraltar 2011

Tonight TheEye will be at the annual Miss Gibraltar competition. Purely in the interests of research, you know.

*sigh* the hardships endured by your host here in the interests of journalism...

On the subject of hardship, some people by the names of "Katie Waissel" and "Jamie Archer" from something called the "X Factor" will apparently be there too. Luckily tonight, drinking at the event is allowed/encouraged.

Many of the families - all dressed up for the event - were in the Horseshoe pub on Main Street about an hour ago getting a last minute drink in before what will be a stressful evening for them all. No such pressure for us observers!

The pressure is on because this can be the stepping stone for greater things. You may remember that two years ago the fantastic Kaiane Aldorino was first Miss Gibraltar and then Miss World. She's still doing great stuff for charity - both locally and abroad - and earlier this month surfaced in resident blogger David Vance's home town judging Miss Northern Ireland.

Best of luck to all of the contestants tonight!

Pic from the Chronic

Read more...

Question Time LiveBlog 23rd June 2011

Question Time comes tonight from Huddersfield in the Colne Valley - where the surrounding hills provide a stunning view of the permanent yellow smog over the town. To the east lies the tourist attractions of the ICI complex, various shopping complexes and Leeds Road - the main escape route - which is lined by a selection of everything's-a-pound shops, Netto, Lidl, and derelict buildings.

Who is actually on the panel this week? Let's run it as a competition.

Okay: John Redwood. Okay, no prize for knowing him. Wikipedia reckons Norman Baker is either a Parliamentary Under-Secretary for Transport or the navigator on Thor Heyerdahl's Ra, Ra II and Tigris reed boat expeditions. The explorer would be more interesting.

Rachel Reeves is apparently a Labour MP who is so unbelievably obscure that in her biography under "Personal" it only tells us that she moved house in 2006 and who her sister is. Yes, really.

Fern Britton is someone who was last spotted when 'retiring' from daytime television two years ago.

David Mitchell? No idea. A Tory MP who stepped down in 1983? A cricketer who played for Devon? Once? Or this murderer hung in Barbados in 2000? The studio might get a bit smelly if so.

No, really...I give up. Who is he?

The LiveBlog will also stay open for the bizarreness of This Week with Andrew Neil, and Michael Portillo. They are joined on the Sofa of Mediocrity by Postman Prat...Alan Johnson.

David Vance, TheEye and David Mosque will be moderating the abuse here from 10:30pm. See you later!

Read more...

Job Opportunity O' The Week

In Harris County, Texas:

JOB TITLE: Breastfeeding Assistant
HOURS: 40 Hours Per Week
Some Evenings & Saturdays As Needed

SALARY: Will Be Discussed During Departmental Interview
Plus Mileage Reimbursement
Based on 26 Pay Periods

Sometimes a post just speaks for itself...

If you want to apply, be warned:

ALL APPLICANTS ARE SCREENED FOR THE PRESENCE OF ILLEGAL DRUGS.

Read more...

Welcome To The Jungle

The path from dhimmitude to Islamization continues in Australia:

A Muslim woman sentenced to six months' jail for making a deliberately false statement that a racist policeman tried to forcibly remove her burka has been freed on appeal.

Judge Clive Jeffreys said he was not satisfied beyond reasonable doubt it was Carnita Matthews, a 47-year-old Muslim woman from Woodbine, NSW, who accused the police of racism because the person who handed in the complaint to police was wearing a burka at the time.

To reach the level of proof of identity to prove the case, it appears Mrs Matthews would have been required to identify herself by lifting her burka at the police station to prove her identity - which is what started the uproar in the first case.

Surely there can't be a violent mob involved? Ah yes, it seems there is:

More than a dozen Muslim supporters linked arms and began chanting "Allah Uh Ahkbar" as they stormed out of Downing Centre, Sydney, with Mrs Matthews concealed behind them.

Tempers soon rose and they began jostling with police after several members of the group began attacking TV cameramen.

Mrs Matthew's lawyer Stephen Hopper defended them, saying: "They are obviously happy with the result and are expressing it in a way that is culturally appropriate to them".

Culturally appropriate? Yes, for deranged savages it probably is.

Read more...

Oceans Face Extinction (Apparently)

This article has just appeared on the Telegraph website. It's written by serial copy'n'paster of press releases and plagiarist Louise Gray, which sends up distress flags instantly. TheEye was about to fisk it but was overwhelmed by the sheer stupidity involved and lost the will to live.

Perhaps we will return to this, perhaps not. In the old Chinese saying: 世上无难事，只怕有心人 (You must persevere to accomplish seemingly impossible tasks) but now is not the time.

UPDATE: Okay, TheEye has had a strong martini and is going to give this a go. Let's start with a bit of it for flavour, shall we?

A preliminary report from an international panel of marine experts said that the condition of the world's seas was worsening more quickly than had been predicted.

The scientists, gathered for a workshop at Oxford University, warned that entire ecosystems, such as coral reefs, could be lost in a generation.

Already fish stocks are collapsing, leading to a risk of rising food prices and even starvation in some parts of the world.

No, sorry, that's it. Not playing. It's so stupid that it's like playing Russian Roulette with a Glock.

UPDATE2: Oh go on then; one more go. Surely there's some level headed sense and rational debate to ba had at this "conference"?:

The marine scientists called for a range of urgent measures to cut carbon emissions, reduce over-fishing, shut unsustainable fisheries, create protected areas in the seas and cut pollution.

No, still can't face the stupidity.

Read more...

Jack Warner Resigns

One is a failed unelected mong with no concept of basic of economics and has a phalanx of greasy pole-climbing false friends rapidly trying to disown him. He handed out other peoples' money to vested interests in an effort to bribe them to support him. Plenty of people are lining up to piss on the grave of his career. He was so criminally incompetent that a prison sentence isn't out of the question. Just a few corrupt people voted him into a position from which he could then interfere with the lives of millions.

The other one is Jack Warner.

Read more...

Question Time LiveBlog 16th June 2011

Question Time comes tonight from Aberdeen, a city noted for sheer dullness, grime, and the unbelievably irritating accent everyone has. The motto on the City coat of arms reads "any spare change for a cup o' tea big man?". Even moss dies there by dint of being too interesting for the city. Black and white movies are often shot on location in Aberdeen, as nobody needs to take out the coloured film.

You'd have to be a masochist want to watch this Question Time. On the panel we have Wee Eck Alex Salmond, Michael Moore, Diane Abbott, Lord Forsyth and Scotland's first home grown billionaire Sir Tom Hunter. It's going to be dreadful.

The LiveBlog will also stay open for the bizarreness of This Week with Andrew Neil, and Michael Portillo. They are joined on the Sofa of Doom by failed MP and race-hustler Oona King...a woman whose name has even spawned its own verb [example: "She was talking so much drivel she was oonaking"]

David Vance, TheEye and David Mosque will be moderating the abuse here from 10:30pm. See you later!

Read more...

How Times Change...

From

Read more...

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

TheEye has done a few of those charity events where you effectively 'buy' your ticket on a walk or expedition with a certain amount of pledged fundraising. In fact a friend is walking the Atlas Mountains later this year on a similar scheme. Mad, mad fool.

The downside to not hitting your target can be not going but is more usually having to grovel a bit to the organisers.

This chappie, though, wasn't expecting The Spanish Inquisition this to happen:

“A charity worker who crawled the London Marathon dressed as Brian the Snail from The Magic Roundabout has been sacked for not raising enough money.


Action for Kids fundraiser Lloyd Scott hoped to raise at least £100,000 for the charity but received about £20,000.”

You might remember him as the man who "ran" the 2002 London Marathon dressed in a full deep sea diving suit.

Yay! Three cheers for the Big Society!

Read more...

Question Time LiveBlog 9th June 2011

Question Time comes tonight from Norwich.

On the panel we have Andrew "Let's be a proud international aid superpower" Mitchell, ex-local MP who lost his seat in 2010 Charles Clarke, anti-Easter Egg campaigner Jo Swinson, anti-man campaigner Germaine Greer and Peter Hitchens.

The LiveBlog will also stay open for the bizarreness of This Week, with Andrew Neil, Michael Portillo and Alastair Campbell. Expect the Blue Nun Bingo to be as aggressively competitive as ever.

David Vance, TheEye and David Mosque will be moderating the abuse here from 10:30pm. See you later!

Read more...

Killing Polar Bears

It's not a promising start in this article for the Vancouver Sun.

Could the Net be killing the planet one web search at a time?

Great question. Rather like Could Ed Miliband Ever Be Not Crap - the answer is obviously NO but it gives you something to think about whilst you brush your teeth in the morning.

And they've got a picture caption which reads:

Every Facebook update and LOL cat you post contributes to global warming, due to the server industry's dependence on coal-fired electricity.

Every LOL cat? Really? Although the idea of a LOL Polar Bear suddenly appeals now; just for irony value.

It's Saturday night, and you want to catch the latest summer blockbuster. You do a quick Google search to find the venue and right time, and off you go to enjoy some mindless fun.

Meanwhile, your Internet search has just helped kill the planet. Depending on how long you took and what sites you visited, your search caused the emission of one to 10 grams of carbon into the atmosphere, contributing to global warming.

Sure, it's not a lot on its own — but add up all of the more than one billion daily Google searches, throw in 60 million Facebook status updates each day, 50 million daily tweets and 250 billion emails per day, and you're making a serious dent in some Greenland glaciers.

By reading this, you've just murdered a polar bear. Which means that Al Gore, Inventor of the Internet™, has definitely got some splainin' to do.

Read more...

Threats

It's been one of those days. Oh yes. So watching this again was about the only way to relax.

One Hundred top movie insults - just about all of them with a very bad language warning. Not safe for the office, polite company or anywhere near pets :-)



If that doesn't calm you down, another 100 (mostly more friendly) here.

Read more...

A Seafaring Nation?

It seems that the country of Nelson and Drake is busy doing what it does best - forgetting our history. From the Coventry Telegraph, and probably elsewhere:

A QUARTER of children say Captain Jack Sparrow is Britain's most famous seaman.

That's according to a new survey which puts our knowledge of maritime Britain under the spotlight and it makes for some interesting reading.

Despite the UK's rich seafaring history, a fifth of all adults believe the purpose of our Royal Navy is ferrying the Prime Minister or The Queen on overseas visits, while a third of adults did not know that the Merchant Navy transports cargo and passengers to and from the UK. One in 10 adults did not know that the shipping forecast reports weather for the seas around the British Isles, with a worrying number believing it is a radio station that broadcasts only on cruise ships, or a prediction of the number of boats that are going to be in the area.

This sort of stupidity goes a long way to explaining how we ended up with 13 years of Labour in power.

Read more...

Cuts? Really?

The public sector is in desperate need of cutting. There are two ways now emerging to approach this - to recognise the reality and begin to roll back the fat in a controlled way; or to adopt the approach of some socialist councils. Take the axe to heart-wringing cases and be 'forced' to retreat. Then claim that cuts are "impossible".

Different taxpayer-subsidised groups, different attitudes (and it's not 100% split on rosette colour either).

Some organisations just push the politikking too far though. No shame. Universities are the worst for brass neck. Students, encouraged by their lecturers (who all want a day or two off) are very keen to lob bricks through windows at the slightest excuse.

But for pure chutzpah in a time of economic strife take a look at this:

Carbon and Sustainability Manager at University College Falmouth

The successful candidate will:

"lead on the delivery of our ambitious carbon management plan and our wide reaching sustainability agenda. Managing a small team you will promote the sustainability agenda and ensure that the Tremough and Woodlane campus meets or exceeds the Government and Higher Education carbon emission reduction targets. You will be responsible for providing specialist advice and support on carbon reduction, including utilities purchasing, monitoring and targeting. You will also lead our environmental, green travel, waste and biodiversity strategies, developing targets and plans for achieving them."

The salary is £29,498 to £32,063 per annum, along with membership of a final salary pension scheme and access to subsidised transport.

University College Falmouth is recruiting for this post, despite its funding being cut by 6.6%. Didn't hear about ClimateGate, eh? And all the it's-all-a-fraud-you-brainless-wombats discovery?

Morons. But morons playing with my taxpayer cash.

Read more...

Question Time LiveBlog 2nd June 2011

Question Time comes tonight from Glyndwr University’s William Aston Hall in Wrexham. It is represented at Westminster by Ian Lucas MP (Labour) and was the birthplace of Sir Foster Cunliffe, founder of the Royal Society of British Bowmen. Really. That's about as interesting as it gets. Oh, and the local church steeple is known as one of the Seven Wonders of Wales. Don't laugh.

On the panel we have Former Home Secretary Alan Johnson, Labour MP for Hell West. He campaigned strongly for AV which was appropriate because he was also the second preference vote in his own marriage.

He is joined on the panel by Elfyn Llwyd, a feared combat-dwarf from Lord of the Rings and also Plaid Cymru MP for Dwyfor Meirionnydd (bless you - nasty cough, that)

On too we have journalist Julia Hartley-Brewer, former assistant editor and columnist at the Sunday Express and, stepping in for Health Secretary Andrew Lansley will be dripping wet Conservative MP Stephen Dorrell, former Health Secretary from 1995-1997. Also on the panel is journalist, author and serial quangocrat Simon Jenkins.

The LiveBlog will also stay open for the surreal This Week, with Andrew Neil and Michael Portillo. The Blue Nun Bingo is looking squeaky at the top of the leaderboard to it's all to play for this week. TheEye just assumed but Millie Tant over on Biased-BBC spotted correctly. No TH this week.

David Vance, TheEye and David Mosque will be moderating the abuse here from 10:30pm. See you later!

Read more...

FIFA or North Korea?

Read more...

Self-Defence

You wonder how his brief kept a straight face:

A man accused of relieving himself on a station platform has denied he acted illegally because he was ‘urinating in self-defence’.

Michael Jones, 50, allegedly attacked a police officer who tried to tell him off at Waterloo railway station, south London, on May 3.

Gwawr Thomas, defending, today (Tues) told the City of Westminster Magistrates’ Court that Jones would fight the charges at a trial.

‘He urinated in self-defence because the water supply was poisoned by the mafia,’ she said.

‘He had to get rid of the poison from his body.’

District Judge Nicholas Evans said: ‘But even if you are unlucky enough to have your urine contaminated by the mafia, you have to do it in a lavatory.’

He added: ‘This is not realistically going to be a viable defence.’

‘Mr Jones felt it was necessary to get it out of his body,’ Ms Thomas replied.

Jones, of (Flat 12), Edward Henry House, Cornwall Road, Lambeth, south London, will stand trial before the City of Westminster Magistrates’ Court at 2pm on September 7.

He denies urinating on railway property and assaulting a police officer.

Okay, okay. Innocent until found guilty and all that good stuff. But TheEye predicts that he's not going to get away with this one.

In other great law and order news: last week, police in New York arrested a man they said had called in two bomb threats to WPIX-11 TV. Police said the man threatened to blow up the station if it kept airing reruns of "Two and a Half Men,"

Sometimes violence is justified when your cause is just.

Read more...

Parish News: Gibraltar Dockyard On Fire (Pt2)

Live and burning on the Gibraltar Broadcasting Corporation right now!

Compete with BFBS/Radio Gibraltar playing their usual late night selections from the 1980's as an into-the-night overlay. Surreal.

The first tank has now collapsed, the second is on fire and a third is being dowsed with water to keep it cool. There are two other tanks in the area but they are believed to be secured now.

Three people are now known to have been injured. A 40 year old Spanish man welding on the tank at the time has severe - life threatening - burns and has been taken to hospital in Spain. A policeman, Jared MacIntosh, has been hospitalised after rescuing him.

Tugs are currently on the scene fighting the fire including two hired on the spot from Spain - which won't be cheap. They will be working out how to score political points out of this already. The liner Ocean Princess is due in to port at 8am so a good few people are going to have their holiday messed around with too.

Police Commissioner Louis Wink has now backed off from the earlier 'possible terrorism' line and has retreated to the classic holding position of "no cause known as yet but there was a Spanish bloke with a welding torch working there at the time".

Nice one Louis. Try to back out of that spin and stay fashionable.

2am local The C3 civil emergency committee chaired by the Chief Minister is reported to still be in session although the local head of environmental health Francis Martin has just found 5 mins spare to nip out for an interview on Gibraltar Radio. Entertainingly he was asked "...and are you monitoring air quality levels" and he deadpanned "no".  Imagine that response anywhere else in the world, eh? They'd have his head on a tray. Gibraltar is marvellous.

4am local And so the politics begins. Earlier in the day the Spanish border slum of La Linea "offered" help. Gibraltar turned it down on the grounds that we're quite able to deal with this on our own, thanks all the same Alfonso. Now acting Mayor Sanchez has said he's going to lodge a formal complaint at EU level that Gibraltar has violated some directive or other on cross border cooperation.

Apparently at 5:30am they will be attempting to smother the fire with foam.

4:45am local A fender full of compressed air has just exploded alongside No2 tank when it collapsed in on itself and the whole thing has just gone up in a fireball. The fire has basically put itself out. A Fireman chappie on the radio has just said "this has taken us by surprise" and "we're now ahead of schedule". Nice understatement there from top bloke Deputy Fire Officer Dennis Gonzalez. Good lad.

7:00am local It's all over bar the politikking and the blame-fest.

Read more...