Thursday, May 28, 2009

And Who Lies That We Are Cutting Our Military Capability?


Admire the USS Reagan next to the USS Arizona memorial. Superb.

When the Bridge pipes 'Man the Rail' there is a lot of rail to man on this monster: shoulder to shoulder, around 45 acres. Her displacement is about 100,000 tons with full complement.

Capability: Top speed exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors that can operate for more than 20 years without refuelling

1. Expected to operate in the fleet for about 50 years
2. Carries over 80 combat aircraft
3. Three arresting cables can stop a 28 - ton aircraft going 150 miles per hour in less than 400 feet

Size

1. Towers 20 stories above the waterline
2. 1092 feet long; nearly as long as the Empire State Building is tall
3. Flight deck covers 4.5 acres
4. 4 bronze propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing 66,200 pounds
5. 2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet and weighing 50 tons
6. 4 high speed aircraft elevators, each over 4,000 sq ft capacity
7. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel
8. Carries enough food and supplies to operate for 90 days
9. 18,150 meals served daily
10. Distillation plants provide 400,000 gallons of fresh water from sea water daily, enough for 2,000 homes
11. Nearly 30,000 light fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable and wiring 1,400 telephones
12. 14,000 pillowcases and 28,000 sheets
13. Costs the US Navy approximately $250,000 per day for pier side operation
14. Costs the US Navy approximately $25 million per day for underway operations (Sailor's salaries included).

Compare and contrast HMS Gordon Brown.

Photographed headed for Newcastle, the British Navy will welcome the latest member of its fleet soon. The HMS Gordon Brown will be based in its home port of Skegness.

The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to Prime Minister Gordoom for his foresight in military budget cuts and his conduct as unelected Prime Minister.

The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminium and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which, although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board.

The 20 person crew is completely diversified, including members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation.

This crew, like the crew aboard the Severn Ferry, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and
appease any and all enemies of Britain at all costs!

An on-board Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find Britain offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may seem hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.

The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defence, but instead in times of conflict, the HMSGordon Brown has orders to seek refuge in Blackpool.

The ship may be positioned near the Labour Party Headquarters for photo-ops.

Hat-tip to a contributor to this blog who wishes to remain unnamed but is well known to all of the current co-conspirators here and wishes to doff his straw boater in all of our directions for recent splendid efforts on this site. Thank you.

Read more...

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

If Your Name Aint On Le List....

Comment gêner une nation entière dans un mouvement facile.

Basically by not bothering to invite Her Majesty to the 65th Anniversary of D-Day. The French have admitted not "personally" inviting the Queen but should she feel like turning up at the side door and taking her place in the queue then she would be "naturally welcome".

Instead Sarkozy's spokesweasel Luc Chatel said "There will be other June 6". What? With the brave ranks of our WW2 veterans thinning by the month then it's really fantastic to be told "There will be other June 6" when for many there won't be. This year's anniversary of the Normandy landings was according to Chatel "first and foremost a Franco-American ceremony given the recent election of..." some half-black jug-eared weird bloke in the U.S.

Yes, and also recent General Elections installing elected Prime Ministers in other D-Day nations...Canada, Australia, the U.K...okay scrap that last one. Is every other Prime Minister going to queue for spare tickets with Her Majesty? If so then they'd better ask Gordoom for advice as he allegedly has experience of penetrating the tradesman's entrance.

France, he said, had sent an invitation to the British government, after receiving a request for one, but that it was not up to Paris to "designate British representation" at the D-Day event.

"The Queen of England, the head of the British state, is naturally welcome". Buckingham Palace has confirmed that it did not receive an invitation to the event, according to the normal protocol.

Presidents Sarkozy and B Hussein Obama are to take part in a D-Day ceremony at the American cemetery of Colleville-sur-Mer, which overlooks Omaha beach on the Normandy coast. The two leaders will then hold a bilateral summit for which the press release has undoubtedly already been drafted and agreed.

Undoubtably Sarkozy will get a better present than 25 DVD's from WalMart. Maybe a Kenyan cookery book.

Read more...

Best In The Business: The G.O.T.

Not often that such an unusual post is offered for your enjoyment. The G.O.T. has been known to speak his mind and has been invited on to this blog as an equal co-conspirator with St Crispin and TheEye to create (non-sweary) mayhem.

However he doesn't take prisoners elsewhere either. Take this bit of artwork which was supplied to Old Holborn on request by the G.O.T. because of the planned demonstration against this evil infestation of an alleged Government on the 1st of June.

Old Holborn never pulls his punches. To call the G.O.T. the most talented artist on the web right now is not only the biggest wave of the trilby possible from an institution amongst fighters for freedom but also absolutely true.

Go to the demonstration. Stand next to OH and make a stand.

And then annoy both OH and GOT on their sites by logging on and commenting every day. There is always something worth reading - and TheEye has said it many times before and was delighted to hear OH seem to agree...the GOT is the best out there. Email the bloke for stuff and even if it is with just random ideas. You won't be diasppointed with the inventive and off-the-wall stuff which will emerge.

Read more...

Biased BBC Question Time Live

TheEye commented on the post below that it was a shame to move St. C's poignant post off of the top spot with a light-hearted one...but sometimes on a multi-author blog you are occasionally just going to look insensitive.

On Thursday evening at 10:30 UK time Biased-BBC will be having the traditional pop at Question Time on a live chat session.

This night will be slightly better organised than the last one as TheEye decided to get ready for the occasion with a robust dinner - excellent food and wine selected by the author of the wine column of the main glossy magazine of this parish.

Suitably topped-up (a requirement for blogging QT) the fact that it had been moved an hour and a half earlier and had already finished before TheEye staggered through the door to do his moderation bits led to some squinting, random tilting of screens, and initial confusion.

Not going to happen this week. Usual time, usual channel, usual website. Plus whatever your usual poison of choice to dull the blandishments of our identikit politicans is. TheEye has just taken delivery of three boxes of six each Campo Viejo Grand Reserva 1997 following a previous successful taste test of a small collection of other crates.

There will be less by the end of QT than there will be at the beginning.

Read more...

Monday, May 25, 2009

In Memorium


St C had the pleasure to be present at an incredibly moving ceremony today. At 08:30 I was lined up with some 350 other people suitably dressed in tropical whites etc on the flight deck of HMS OCEAN.

We were at the exact spot where, on the 10th of December 1941, aircraft of the Imperial Japanese Navy sunk both HMS Repulse, and HMS Prince of Wales.

The full horror of the story can be read here. Suffice it to say, that when the last post was played, and the wreaths dropped into the sea, your author seemed struck by a rare case of sea spray in the eyes!

Over 800 lost their lives on the two capital ships that day, and they lie together at a depth of 30 fathoms in the South Cina Sea.

I know this will be particularly meaningful to "The Eye" who has not a few nautical connections!

The Royal Navy Prayer

O Eternal Lord God, who alone spreadest out the heavens and rulest the raging of the sea; who hast compassed the waters with bounds until the day and night come to an end; Be pleased to receive into thy Almighty and most gracious protection the persons of us thy servants and the Fleet in which we serve. Preserve us from the dangers of the sea and from the violence of the enemy; that we may be a safeguard unto our most gracious Sovereign Lady, Queen Elizabeth and her Dominions and a security for such as pass on the seas upon their lawful occasions; that the inhabitants of our Island may in peace and quietness serve thee our God and that we may return in safety to enjoy the blessings of the land, with the fruits of our labours and with a thankful remembrance of thy mercies to praise and glorify thy holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Read more...

Ah Well, Didn't Like It Anyway.


From the ever-odd Croatian Times we learn that:

"Former Yugoslav communist leader Tito's once-luxurious yacht Galeb is set to get a new lease of life.

The yacht, for years abandoned at the Viktor Lenac shipyard on Croatia’s northern Adriatic coast, was bought by the city of Rijeka last Friday.

The Rijeka commercial court has confirmed the yacht’s sale for $150,000 (£94,200), according to news website T-portal.

A lawyer for former Greek owner John Paul Papanicolau has objected to the sale, but the court has yet to consider his complaints.

Galeb – once one of the largest most-luxurious yachts in the world – was used by Tito to entertain a host of politicians and celebrities, including Hollywood legends Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

The Rijeka city government had planned to turn Galeb into a floating museum before its sale."

Ho hum, now TheEye has to look for another dead murdering dictators ex-gin palace for those long weekends. Maybe MadAss Hussein had a couple knocking about. Che was probably too busy killing people to own a boat but if anything turns up on E-Bay then please let us know.

Read more...

The Last WW1 GI Is Intervewed...Frank Buckles.

Just listen to what this old soldier has to say and if you don't get wet eyes then read elsewhere tomorrow.



Especially moving was the part when asked what he expected from the US Government in return for his service.
He didn't serve in WWI and WWII because the government asked him to; he served because his country and the free world needed him. He didn't want or expect anything back. Every serving MP and MEP and Peer from both main parties and the other ones should be told to watch this video.

How sad that he is now the last of the First World War US soldiers. Our lads and the Americans lost their lives in uncounted thousands every time the front line moved 10 yards closer or 10 yards further away from Berlin.... so let's make sure to honour and remember these soldiers who are dwindling in numbers by the month. If memory serves then surviving UK servicemen from WW1 are in the low single figures now. These men and women who serve us in uniform are putting their lives on the line for their love of freedom. Let us never ever forget the sacrifice of those who have already completed their journey.

Cpl Frank Buckles...TheEye doffs the Fedora and raises a glass of red wine to your ongoing good health and to those stories that someone of your true grit will never pass on.

And to all the other members of his 1st Fort Riley Casual Detatchment and soldiers from many nationalities who don't get to play Texas No-Limit Hold'em with him until the early hours with a bottle of bourbon in the middle of the table.

The last Septic, eh? TheEye hopes they close Washington and declare a National Holiday to ensure he rests in a place of honour with a lot of style when his time finally comes.

Read more...

"Terrorist Attack" Or "Man-Caused Disaster"

Janet "It'd better be this long when I get you home, sunshine" Napolitano is the Homeland Stupidity Secretary for Barack Hussein Obama.

Oddly for one of Hussein's appointees she appears to be a raving 24-carat fruitcake. Okay so are most of the others but at least the MSM haven't discretely hidden away stories of tax evasion about this one which does mark her out from most of the other nominees which Hussein has thrown under a bus during Senate confirmations when they rather inconveniently were exposed as criminals.

Maybe she had a better accountant.

Anyway, just for fun let's randomly re-invent the English language shall we?

"‘Global War on Terror’ is out — ‘overseas contingency operation’ is in. ‘Terrorist attack’ is out — ‘man-caused disaster’ is in. Since the new administration took office, Washington has been consumed, on both sides of the aisle, by a kind of re-branding madness. This marathon in semantics has had a variety of tactical purposes, depending on who’s got his Sharpie on the dictionary. The Obama administration, through a string of delicate shifts in terminology, has softened — or at least obfuscated — the essence of the war against Islamic extremism. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, arguably the Washington equivalent to Madonna of re-branding, delivered an entire set of testimony without using the word ‘terrorism.’ She says she prefers ‘man-caused disasters.’”

Found on Fox but posted elsewhere for as many people as possible to admire how much of a wingnut it's possible for one single human being to be. To be fair for a bunch of terrorists to fly a series of planes full of screaming victims into a selection of skyscrapers which they'd also tried to destroy a few years earlier with a massive truck bomb you'd think that "man-caused disasters" is technially correct - although without really making the point.

In fact she was so full of drivel you'd have thought that it was Polly Toynbee in a worse wig but smeared in more layers of cheap makeup - as put on by David Blunkett without the dog to help.

Ah well, you wanted Hope'n'Change. Here it is in action.

Oops just realised TheEye has probably just in one post triggered most of the words in the Echelon word search list. So might as well lob "nuclear", "Castro" and "jihad" in there too as it's bound to boost the visitor stats for a week or two. Oh, and "dynamite" "C4" and "detonators" will definitely cheer up our mates at Google Analytics. Will keep you all informed and please top up the comments with further suggestions.

Read more...

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Mugabe Set To Implement UK Expenses Scheme

So why, do you ask, does TheEye knock off the top spot a fantastically gorgeous lady wearing very little and replace it with a photo of a photograph of a Rhodesian dictator who has the last remaining bit of foliage in the ex-Breadbasket of Africa stuck to his chest.

Possibly to deflect bullets although if you look at the glint in the eye of the bloke with the shiny cap then the bullet may well come from behind. Maybe he might get you ultimate victory if you can get his surname across a Triple Word Score in Scrabble but he can't be worse than the one with the glasses even if he made a big effort. It'd be heads-in-your-fridge if he wanted to make a proper go for the I'm More Evil 2010 Award.

Anyway, there is an excellent satirical rant over on NewsARSE website which David Vance will probably notice bears a remarkable resemblance to another website which also talks bollocks. Except NewsARSE isn't "uniquely funded" by the taxpayer. It's a great article where we learn that the Evil One wants to implement the expenses scheme run by the Snot-Eating One but the whole site should be one of your bookmarks.

Read more...

The Flynt Pornography Family In Open Warfare

A while ago TheEye typed a post from this parish about men becoming impotent from staring at women with large breasts and great legs. As this is a non-sweary family blog that post came with a health-warning.

In the comments TheEye was instructed by "The Big Dollop" not, basically, to have the spine of a jellyfish but keep on with the totty pictures whenever an excuse arose. So a fedora doff of gratitude goes to Larry Flynt for a chance to oblige TBD with another photograph of a scantily-clad wench ... but reminds all readers that although each co-author may sail close to the wind on occasions with language AllSeeingEye as an entity remains intent on being a family-safe environment. Anyhow, on to the story:

The brother of Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt is accusing his famous sibling of trying to force him out of the family's pornography business. Larry Flynt owns a building in downtown Cincinnati where his brother operates a Hustler retail store.

In a lawsuit filed Friday in Ohio, Jimmy Flynt says his brother wants to evict him in retaliation for refusing to give a loan to Larry Flynt Productions. Larry Flynt obviously disagrees but using the argument that his brother is behind in rent.

Jimmy Flynt says the eviction notice is also an attempt by Larry Flynt to get leverage in a separate trademark lawsuit in California. In that other case, Larry has sued his brother's two sons for selling their own line of adult movies under the family name.

Jimmy Flynt is asking a judge to stop the eviction but if it takes an oddball lawsuit to give TheEye a chance to publish TheEyeCandy* as requested by denizens of this blog then any excuse is grabbed.

*Hmm Note To Self : Not Bad, Maybe use again.

Read more...

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Hero Of The Day: Mr . Lai Jiansheng

TheEye is delighted to report that the GOT is almost where he needs to be with his own blog. Where he happily isn't though is the snappily titled Haizhu Bridge in Guangzhou, southern China.

It's become rather a hotspot for local suicide attempts (luckily the GOT decided that his blog issues merely required a few grumpy emails and enough red wine to have probably felled Oliver Reed in his prime).

The thing is that of the 12 people who have perched on the edge since April, none has actually jumped. TheEye hasn't ever been the sort to want to end it but has lost three very close friends who had covered up signs of depression very cleverly from their nearest and dearest - and has been told by some that it's the most cowardly thing you can do and by others that it's the bravest decision you ever make. TheEye has pondered long and hard about A S-B, P G and W C and still doesn't know which version to believe. Anyway, morbid thoughts aside this is actually more light hearted than you'd imagine as a post.

Chen Fuchao was non-jumper 13. He was doing what they all do...snarl up the traffic for hours as the police close the bridge and try to talk him into not doing it. And to be fair since April 1st they were 12 for 12 up and looking to keep their 100% hit rate (so to speak). Anyway, a 66-year old retired soldier called Lai Jiansheng got fed up with the five hour roadblock so offered to try to talk the man down. Basically Chen owed 2 million yuan ($293,000 / £184,000) and after the police rejected Lai's offer of helping with negotiations Lai just got bored, barged past the officers and pushed him off.

He did however apparently smile at Lai and shake his hand first before giving him a robust shove although he might just have been extracting the ....

Pictures in the China Daily show him saluting to the crowd after Chen fell on to a partially filled emergency air cushion. "I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish" the newspaper quotes Lai as saying.

"Their action violates a lot of public interests. They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities' attention to their appeals."

Basically you can guess how the story ends. Chen ended up on the taxpayers' teat in a hospital with a painful elbow and Lai gets carted off by the local police to doubtless "fall down" a set of stairs and end up in the neighbouring hospital bed with two painful elbows and an unexplainable collection of bruises.

Morals of this story: always listen to the traffic reports on your local radio and don't try to do the world a massive favour.

Read more...

G.O.T's Blog is having a spot of bother

So, here's a joke while I sort it out . . .



A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly
Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
 
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'

'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never
moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his
entire life.'

'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man.







'Brown's clock is in Jesus's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'

Read more...

Friday, May 22, 2009

The BBC At Its Finest

Another post about the BBC today and a promise that this will/may be the last! Or not...



Spotted over at Dizzy but he in turn links back to here.

Read more...

You Lot Are Just Jealous Of Me: Anthony Steen MP

Apparently, today is National Rogue Trader Day. Much as TheEye thought that his meant that one needed to be hugged (a trip around the parish only located some hoodies) or that there was a 10% cut to be had for helping one out in a blag a more ironic result occured.

Typically, rogue traders may knock on the door offering to tarmac the drive or repair loose roof tiles in return for a small fee.
Which was a typo for:
Typically, rogue traders may knock on the door offering to tarmac the drive, repair loose roof tiles in return for a small fee, or ask for your vote and a clean moat.
TheEye topped everybody in this respect by having a liquid lunch with Giles Chichester MEP and Tory Party chairman Eric Pickles...and was the only one on alcohol which was to act as a restorative for having sat at a bar with them the previous night.

IMPORTANT: Neither of these two have found their way in to the Daily LabourGraph's bloodsport-du-jour and TheEye is only using them for satirical purposes and no suggestion of any indiscretion by them is implied or intended.

However if you want a bit of fun then listen to Anthony Steen MP telling the world and their mother to butt out of his expenses "difficulties", getting told to resign was apparently entirely his own decision, and basically says "I don't know what all the fuss is all about". Yeeeeeessss.



Sorry but he's everything an MP (regardless of Party and colour of tie) should never ever be. Eric Pickles is the sort of MP who, with his tin hat and khaki on, would have blown the whistle in a Ypres trench and you'd follow him over the top and run towards the guns knowing he's by your shoulder. Even someone who loathes politicians on principle because it just saves time later would enjoy sinking a beer with him.

If you've ever seen him then as politicians go he's going to be tricky - a particularly sturdy lamppost and more piano wire than the local corner shop usually stocks would be necessary. Giles would be easy come the revolution.

Read more...

Things You May Not Know About the BBC

Entertainingly over 50 "presenters" and "hosts" are paid more than Gordoom. Although to be fair this number would increase if the One Eyed Son Of The Manse received his justified salary of an abrupt dark-alleyway payoff only involving one of those silenced Humane Destroyers that they use on horses.

And to also be reasonable you can't really accuse Jonathan Woss of stuffing up the economy of an entire country. Being paid millions to have a lisp and a silly haircut is about all you can justifiably pin on the bloke. Oh, and being an arse too. But that's about it. Cameron will still get paid much less to sort out McBroon's mess when the bottler finally drinks the whisky and takes the pearl-handled revolver to his study. And Cameron doesn't even have a moat or a croquet lawn.

More interestingly, most parts of the BBC are specifically and deliberately excluded from the Freedom Of Information Act (FOI) despite the fact that us taxpayers pay their salaries. If a request goes in under the FOI then it can be turned down easily. Even Jacqui Smith isn't allowed to blag that one but it is quite a catch-all for our state propaganda-trumpet.

This means that you can ask Gordoom which button he has Nick Robinson on speed-dial and get an FOI answer but you can't ask Nick Robinson the reverse question.

Bold italics mine directly from the FOI Act. Bold brackets for personal emphasised rage.

"The Act recognises the different position of the BBC, as well as the other public service broadcasters covered by the Act (Channel 4 (taxpayer funded), S4C and the Gaelic Media Service (who on earth?)) by providing that it covers information "held for purposes other than those of journalism, art or literature". This means that the Act does not apply to material held for the purposes of creating the BBC's output (TV, radio, online etc), or material which supports and is closely associated with these creative activities."

Yep - so whatever we don't want to tell you, Sunshine. Walk along. Nothing to notice here.

The sooner the telly-tax is abolished the better for democracy and fairness.

Read more...

Euro2012: Incoming Disaster

Now one has to be very wary of behind-the-scenes unknown pressure on this one but TheEye will report it as it appears and will endure the incoming flack when it turns out that under-the-counter negotiations have certainly been happening for weeks anyway.

There is a rumour that the Ukraine may be stripped of hosting the 2012 footbally cuppy thing. On the grounds (irony fully intended) that if Pompey are safe then everybody else can go boil their heads it's of little regret for TheEye to learn (and don't bother heading to Pravda as TheEye is going to cut'n'paste the lot to save you the effort with the mouse):

"Ukraine may not become the hosting country of Euro 2012 Football Championship because of political scandals in the country.

Two years ago, UEFA awarded the right to host Euro 2012 to Poland and Ukraine. The matches of the Ukrainian part of the championship were originally planned to be held in the cities of Kiev, Donetsk, Dnepropetrovsk and Lvov. Kharkov and Odessa were named to be backup locations. The final match of the championship was said to take place in Ukraine’s capital, Kiev.

UEFA’s decision was perceived enthusiastically in Ukraine. It is an open secret that holding such events is impossible without the construction of airports, hotels and other objects. However, Ukraine’s leadership did not move a finger to have the nation prepared for hosting the landmark sports event. Nothing has been built in the country: President Viktor Yushchenko and Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko are too much preoccupied with their struggle for power.

It transpired on May 12 that the matches of the European Football Championship would be held only in Kiev and Donetsk . UEFA said the next day that Kiev had been confirmed as the location for play-offs, quarterfinals and semifinals.

At the same time, the final game of Euro 2012 will take place in Kiev only if the city provides adequate conditions at the stadium, at the airport, as well as at hotels and in the field of transportation. For the time being, the Ukrainian authorities have only met UEFA’s requirement to dismantle the shopping center near Kiev’s Olympic Stadium. They could not do it for two years because of the arguments within the teams of Yushchenko, Tymoshenko and Kiev Mayor Leonid Chernovetsky, who had their own business interests in the construction of the shopping centre.

UEFA’s Executive Committee took Dnepropetrovsk and Odessa off the list of the hosting cities. Donetsk, Lvov and Kharkov will have the honour to host the games only if they take efforts to provide all the necessary conditions for the event. The final decision will be made on November 30, 2009. If nothing changes for the better, Ukraine will not host Euro 2012. No other country has ever had the right to hold the championship in only one stadium.

Yushchenko, Tymoshenko and Vladimir Litvin (the speaker of the Ukrainian Parliament) wrote a letter to UEFA’s President Michel Platini and said that the government had assigned additional resources to have everything prepared on time."

Yeah Alistair Darling said something similar. And so did Gordoom. And Jacqui Smith. And...oh never mind - can't be bothered listing an entire page-full of criminals.

“We are certain that we will be able to execute all our guarantees particularly about the financial support for the preparations to Euro 2012 tournament. We have taken anti-crisis measures and conducted negotiations with the IMF,” the officials wrote in the letter.

Sounds like very much althought he London Olympic Games will be well over budget we apparently aren't last in line in the sack-race to win the Country To Most Spectacularly Mess Up A Major Sporting Project Award.

"In other words, the Ukrainian government plans to raise a loan with the International Monetary Fund to build the required objects. Ukraine wants to use its cooperation with the IMF to attract new investors and settle accounts with those who went out of business as they tried to invest in the construction of stadiums in Ukraine.

As a matter of fact, the Ukrainian government is trying to re-borrow the funds to re-distribute a certain part to other creditors. UEFA is not interested in that. The Union of European Football Associations will disregard all verbal explanations and pay attention to the work performed instead.

In the meantime, Moody's Investors Service downgraded Ukraine's foreign and local currency government bond ratings to B2 from B1 with a “negative” outlook. The decision was made against the background of the worsening of the macroeconomic situation in Ukraine and the nation’s weak banking system.

Ukraine has a great difficulty in funding the European Football Championship. It goes without saying that there will be neither hotels nor roads built in Dnepropetrovsk and Odessa. The endless struggle between Yushchenko and Tymoshenko may eventually deprive Ukraine of the celebration of football"

Yep, they are screwed basically.

Read more...

Thursday, May 21, 2009

David Vance: International Man Of Mystery

Okay, guilty as charged. David Vance is apparently not exactly like the bloke in that photograph. In fact a current photograph of our latest co-conspirator would indicate a lack of hair which may be more in the direction of the little-above-the-eyebrows scenario.

Now please encouraged to Google for David Vance as top and handsome bloke: it will give you marvellous examples of manhood as shown here. It will also return cousins who don't look quite so shiny. Regrettably the David Vance given to you by Google is allegedly a famous photographer. Not the real bloke. The photos reproduced here are the female-friendly selection of the Googling effort although anyone who may have spotted DV On The Loose and doesn't wish to invite libel actions is welcome to submit snapshots (ideally those birthday party ones which every victim spends the next 10 years cursing the fact that he bought his aunt a digital camera) .

However TheEye is always ruthless and take no prisoners - and also issues no apologies to Mister (take your pick) Vance. The opportunity to publish embarrassing pictures taken of a bloke with the same name but a slightly better toned body - is just too easy to ignore. Despite being the powerhouse behind A Tangled Web and Biased-BBC a bloke whom TheEye knows has a huge brain has potentially stumbled into a vast and under-camouflaged Google elephant-trap and TheEye just couldn't stop giggling after he harmlessly went after a photograph for this single innocuous post.

This was a complete mistake - the existence of a photographer lurking out there also called David Vance happens to be very unfortunate but undeniably amusing.

Thanks for you agreeing to be the fourth co-conspirator on The All Seeing Eye the real DV.

In the meantime you are welcome to introduce yourself to any of the of the female denizens of this parish via any of the Google victims captured above but not through this blog. TheEye is the only one to go on the pull via this blog and other efforts will be aggressively monitored.

Seviously David, looking forward to your contributions over here. We've got a non-sweary blog with a Tory, a Lefty Army bloke, a UUP and an I-Promise-Not-To-Swear-But-You-Can-All-Get-F***ed GOT contributor. TheEye is thinking on giving up and letting the lunatic asylum run itself which it appears to be able to manage.

Read more...

D-Day Remembered

So where will you be on the 6-7th of June? TheEye will be in Normandy where 65 years ago to the day his uncle waded ashore on D-Day. Unlike the chaps whom George had only known for a short while (but it felt like a lifetime) he managed to make it up the beach and become not-dead.

RIP to everyone who didn't make it through that day and to everybody who has since passed away. If there is a wireless connnection to be had then Blackberry or laptop will be used by TheEye to let random co-conspirators from around the world what is happening. Emotion may be too high so a day or two of blogging silence may occur. However if you are in Arnhem and you want to indulge in much wine with TheEye then leave a comment in the traditional place. TheEye doesn't have the slightest doubt that St Crispin, on whichever compass bearing he may be on that day, will be nodding his head and raising a glass.

Films have shown how the red berets of 6th Airborne Division captured Pegasus Bridge but according to General Miles Dempsey, commander of Britain's 2nd Army at the time, the story of the exploits of D-Day+1 by the Green Berets of 47 Royal Marine Commando is just as brave.

There were just 420 of them in all, and they had been given the near-impossible task of capturing Port-en-Bessin - a heavily-fortified, strategically vital port from the same crack German unit – 352 Infantry Division – that would cause great loss of life during the American landings later on nearby Omaha Beach.

The problem was that it was the French side of the planned Pipeline Under The Sea (PLUTO) which was so crucial to the invasion so it was a vital target.

Stand on the harbour wall, with your back to the sea, and you'll understand what a challenge these boys (aged mostly between 18 and 22) faced. Rising up either side there are two huge cliffs which, under Rommel's Atlantic Wall defence plan, had been riddled with a network of trenches, mortar pits, dugouts and bunkers, guarded by minefields, barbed wire and flame-throwers.

The Royal Marines of 47 RM Commando were extremely fit, highly committed volunteers who had been preparing for 18 months for this operation. But despite their rock-climbing training in St Ives, and their beach landings on the Scottish coast, their CO, Lt Col Phillips, realised that a frontal assault from the sea would be suicide.

Instead, he decided, they would land 12 miles away on Gold Beach, then infiltrate behind enemy lines and sneak up on Port-en-Bessin from the rear. First, though, they had to get ashore in one piece. "The seasickness was appalling," recalls George Amos. "My memory is of sitting there, hands green with bile when suddenly there was an almighty bang as our landing craft was hit. You felt it right through. I was carrying a Thompson machine gun and a Bangalore torpedo, but when you're fully loaded you can't swim, so you get rid of your equipment. I came ashore with nothing."

Amos wasn't the only one. Some men landed without boots or even trousers. The medical officer John "Doc" Forfar (later to win an MC), lost all his surgical instruments; the heavy weapons troop lost their 3-inch mortars; and signals, their wirelesses. Worse still, the unit had already lost a fifth of its strength, killed, wounded or lost. Now, damp, shocked, and pitifully armed, they still marched on Port-en-Bessin.

Follow the troops' route today and you'll pass through gorgeously verdant, rolling Normandy countryside, dotted with orchards and lovely old farmhouses. In June 1944 it was much the same, only with scattered dead cows (killed by the allied naval bombardment) and the ever-present possibility that behind each innocuous hedge lurked a Spandau machine gun ambush. As Doc Forfar puts it: "Every bush, every bend in the road, every noise has a potentially ominous significance. You're alert the whole time."

About two miles outside Port-en-Bessin, there is a wooded hill with a grassy crown covered with orchids called Mont Cavalier. It was here that the surviving men of 47 RM Commando spent the night of D-Day, the twin peaks of the Eastern and Western features brooding ominously on the horizon. They had supplemented their weapons with German Schmeissers and Spandaus, captured in firefights along the way.

On the morning of June 7, they had got safely through the outer defences and headed into the port when disaster struck. While clambering up the steep slopes of the Western feature, one of their troops was caught out by withering fire from two German Flak ships, which were unexpectedly moored in the harbour. Eleven men were killed, 17 wounded and one – George Amos – captured. Meanwhile, back on Mont Cavalier, the unit's rear HQ was overrun.

By the evening of June 7, the Commando was in a desperate position: isolated and under constant threat of counterattack from numerically superior enemy forces; low on ammunition, depleted by heavy casualties and exhausted after two days' fighting with no more than two hours' sleep. And still those impregnable features loomed.

It was gallant, no-nonsense Captain Cousins who found the solution. On recce patrol he discovered that leading up the side of the Eastern feature was an apparently undefended zigzag path. Under cover of darkness, he led a party of 25 men as far as he could go up the hill unobserved. Then, in true commando style, yelling, screaming and firing from the hip, they charged the enemy bunkers.

At the forefront of the attack was pint-sized Geordie Bren-gunner Arthur Delap. "When the grenades went off in front of us it was terrible," he recalls. "There were big flashes in front of my eyes. No pain, but my ears were ringing a lot and I was deaf and concussed for a few seconds. Then I started shooting again and after that they put their white hankies up and surrendered." Beside him, his much-loved troop commander Captain Cousins lay dead, after a selfless act of heroism that many in the Commando believe should have won him the VC.

The path is still visible today, as are many of the old bunkers and zigzagging connecting trenches of this once terrifying fortress.

And on the opposite side of the town, next to 47 RM Commando memorial on top of the Western feature, is the bunker where George Amos was held captive. Rather unnervingly, directly behind where he sat, is a poster advertising Hitler's infamous Commando Order decreeing that all captured commandos should be summarily executed.

"Because when they captured me I was tending my wounded Sergeant, the Germans thought I might be a 'sanitator' – a medic," Amos recalls. "By that stage I'd worked out that everyone was going to be shot except sanitators, so when they asked me to deal with their wounded I pretended to know what I was doing. Later they gave me a cup of acorn coffee and I went to sleep. Next thing I knew I was being woken up and the whole German garrison was surrendering."

In the months after D-Day, Port-en-Bessin became a vital role in the Allied Normandy breakout as the destination for the Pipeline Under The Ocean (PLUTO) which pumped millions of gallons of fuel under the Channel to France from the English coast. Today, sitting outside one of the fish restaurants that line the cobbled road by the inner port, you'd really never guess that so tranquil a resort could have seen such awful fighting.

Now TheEye is a Round Tabler and has polished the chairs of a few fellow Tables including that one with the Tapestry thingy in France (has a large dull cathedral with stained-glass and unenterprising stonework but the crypt is worth a good look and there is a local watercolour artist with talent you could only dream of). There is also a locally based but internationally famous porn star that TheEye had the pleasure of meeting (NO, and just relax, it was just dinner).

However look at the photograph of one of the places that TheEye visited in Bayeux. If a speck of moistness doesn't dampen your eye then this blog really isn't your place.

Read more...

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Stand By Your Wallets: BBC Edition

TheEye is starting to get nervous as he wonders if David Vance has one of those twitchy nerves in his left eyebrow which goes ballistic when he knows that things have just gone too far. There's always a limit, and when politicians or taxpayer-funded broadcasters overstep that mark then twitchy-eyebrow and rant time has descended.

Now David Cameron, our next PM, has argued for at least a freeze and preferably a cut in the telly tax. So what do we learn from the Daily LabourGraph? MPs have approved a £3 increase in the BBC licence fee, despite calls for the Corporation to set an example and live within its means. Or scrap the tax altogether in TheEye's not very humble opinion.

Cameron wanted the licence fee to be frozen at £139.50 – rather than be raised to £142.50 – but he was defeated in the Commons vote despite saying that the proposed £3 increase in the tax was unfair when the country was deep in the financial merde.

This post is not done in italics as TheEye is paraphrasing from The Telegraph and not quoting 100% but the post is basically a summary of their article so you won't learn more by clicking through.

The Tories lost the vote to revoke the Communication Regulation 2009 motion last night. 156 MPs backed the motion but 374 MPs approved the 2 per cent increase in the licence fee.

Although the result of the vote will be a relief to the BBC, it hopefully acts as a wake-up call about the challenge they face from the next Tory government.

Conservative leaders have said previously they support funding the BBC through the licence fee, although top-slicing would be a possibility. TheEye would stop writing the big cheques from day one of his administration and would just smile/grimace/grit teeth through the biased-BBC backlash afterwards.

The BBC could be forced to share its licence fee with Channel 4 (which of course is also taxpayer-owned), under recommendations being considered by the Government's 'Digital Britain' report due in June, by technology minister "Lord" Stephen Carter, which will set out the options facing broadcasters over the next five years. This is of course rather wishful thinking as ZaNuLabour are electoral toast within 12 months anyway and it'll just go in the bin.

The BBC Trust, the corporation's governing body, has warned that any reductions in the licence fee could put services at risk. Every organisation in the entire solar system (Martian spacecraft builders - yeah Zgxftsdgej, three legs on the UFO would still work instead of four...they'll just have to kidnap caravanners more carefully boss) is going to sign up to having their budget cut aren't they?

Sir Michael Lyons, the head of the Trust, said at speech on Tuesday, the Tory plan was a "recipe for curbing the editorial independence of the BBC. It is very important that the BBC's horizons do not become too closely entwined with the political cycle," he added. 'Horizons'? That'll be the corrupt reprobates you shill for on television and the web every day and who the public scream ever louder to be rid of.

Speaking in the debate, Jeremy Hunt, the shadow culture secretary, said: "Some people may say why are we having this debate over a mere £3 per annum increase?

"Partly because this House has learned, over MPs' expenses, that the public get justifiably angry over the misuse of its money – whether large sums or small," he said.

"The BBC needs to maintain its bond of trust with the British people. That means understanding that when times are tough, you don't just pocket the money that was allocated to you in happier times. You listen to people's concerns, and respond to the very changed economic circumstances of 2009." Now the Tories are far from free of this allegation in their expenses claims but this is specifically directed at the BBC in this one Parliamentary debate.

Labour and Liberal Democrat MPs said the licence fee should not be used "as a political football" and said any calls to reduce the fee would underestimate the independence of the BBC. Independence? Read Biased BBC and wonder why Labour and the LibDums are happy with the current Gruaniad-recruited staff "I do remember... the corridors of Broadcasting House were strewn with empty champagne bottles. I'll always remember that.

Jane GarveyBBC Five Live, May 10th, 2007, recalling May 2nd, 1997.

Andy Burnham, the Culture Secretary said: "The BBC has responsibility to taxpayers that it is adequately not overfunded. Over-bloomin'-funded? This is Planet Earth you *notswearyblognotswearyblogjustfocusrightnow*

"That is the balance we must alway strike, playing fair by the BBC with sufficient finding and stability so that the BBC can fulfil its charter purposes and paying fair by the licence fee payer so it is good value and affordable, taking into account the prevailing economic circumstance."

Speaking after the vote, John Whittingdale, the chairman of the Commons culture, media and sport select committee, said: "Although £3 doesn't seem like a huge amount of money, the BBC cannot be treated in isolation from the rest of broadcasting sector. Every broadcaster is under pressure, and the huge amount of money the BBC enjoys above any other broadcaster is distorting the market."Mr Whittingdale, you have the spine of a jellyfish. Do something about that.

Don Foster, the Liberal Democrat spokesman on culture, media and sport, said: "The Tories' efforts to undermine the licence fee were little more than a cheap gimmick. Don Foster, however, is a 24-carat knobhead so is only presumably being quoted for political comment balance. But hmmmm. Labour talking crap, LibDum talking crap, Tory talking diluted crap. Okay, missed the alledged balance there but ho-hum. Obviously wrong as usual.

"The licence fee should not be used as a political football in this way as it seriously undermines the independence of the BBC." Have you watched Question Time recently, sunshine?

A spokesweasel for the BBC Trust said: "We welcome the BBC's funding being secured at a level that will allow it to continue to invest in high quality programmes and services. The Trust will ensure that the BBC meets its efficiency targets and continues to maintain downward pressure on all its costs."

Aren't there a few Bullshit Jargon Generators online nowadays? This bloke must have one hard-coded into his DNA.

TheEye steps back and considers locating a bottle of Rioja.

Read more...

A TV Licence To Kill

Regular readers of Biased BBC and this blog will know well that TheEye is one of David Vance's co-conspirators on the Question Time liveblog. It usually involves huge quantities of red wine and, as the evening progresses, less and less sense.

That being from our co-conspirators by the way. The panelists on QT usually display the signs of alcoholic intake or recreational pharmaceuticals from minute one. Your livechat moderators usually have to get warmed up to endure the pain.

Spotted over on the Daily Politics Show by one of the two denizens of Dale Towers is this rather nice screenshot. Doubtless scribbled down quickly by a product of ZaNuLaour's undisciplined and work-it-out-for-yourself-sunshine education system who is a 20-something so up Barack Hussein Obama's rear-end that he wants to be from Massachusetts and be Edward "Mary-Jo who?" Kennedy's chauffeur we learn something new from the BBC.

'TV License'

Spelling. That's what we do.

Read more...

Official: Men Become Impotent Because Of Women's Legs

Now it might be argued that TheEye has only run with this story as an excuse to publish a picture of a fantastic-looking girl. It might be similarly argued that a picture of a woman in a burqua would have elegantly made a counterpoint to the post and been interestingly satirical. But didn't.

These two points have considerable merit to them.

As irony is something best left to the cleaner on her Thursday afternoon visits TheEye is just going to reproduce this gem from Pravda almost verbatim:

"Russian physiologist Leonid Kitaev-Smyk has stated that most male diseases are caused by women who adhere to provocative clothes and behaviour. As a result, the Western civilization gradually turns into the society of sexually unsatisfied men and eventually unsuccessful and physically unhealthy men, the scientist considers.

US researchers published results of their 30-year-long work. It suggested that 80 percent of men aged over 60 who died for different reasons had prostate cancer apart from other diseases. Every third American and European male aged over 30 has problems with potency and the prostate gland. The situation is quite different in the Muslim East. Arabs have the lowest rates of prostate cancer. Scientists considered that it depends on climate and meals and studied carefully the Oriental diet and tried to find any food with preventive action. They failed, although the clue is quite obvious.

Since the start of the sexual revolution women of the developed world took to wearing revealing clothes, while Oriental women still wear gowns and yashmaks, said Leonid Kitaev-Smyk, the senior research officer of the Russian Research Institute of Culturology of the Russian Academy of Sciences. In the street men cannot satisfy all desires they have. They see naked parts of the body – miniskirts and transparent tops. The modern fashion gives rise to male lust. So there is much lust, but little satisfaction. What does it have to do with the disease? We can draw an analogy with the fauna. If a male is weak, a female will see it and reject the male. This male cannot win a female, for there is a defensive mechanism in nature – this male suffers from prostatitis and impotency.

Nowadays, 70 percent of impotency is a natural defensive reaction to stresses caused by constant unsatisfied arousal. But this reaction is rather long-standing.

Thus, women dig a grave for men’s health with their bare legs and low-cut dresses. Every nice girl going on a date with a sexy top on will make only one man happy and a dozen men on her way will suffer from her revealing looks. In this case strippers are weapons of mass destruction; they have already turned the Western civilization into the society with limited erection.

Sexologists made up the list of impotency-causing activities:

Scrutinizing internet pornography
Watching erotica and pornography on video
Staring at scantily-clad girls in the street
Reading erotic magazines
Going to striptease clubs"

The mind simply boggles as to the motivation of scientists who research these things, the men who take part in the studies, the poor timing of a recession to knock the global sales of tissues and the oddness of bloggers who report on these stories.

Read more...

Snouts In The Trough (Croatian Edition)


A politician running with the slogan "All for me, nothing for you" has made it into the second round of local elections in Croatia.

Independent candidate Josko Kraljevic Risa also campaigned using the slogan "It is definitely going to be better for me, but will be the same for you."

Risa, who is chasing the job of mayor of Prolozac (is that next door to where the pills come from?) in southern Croatia, finished second in Sunday's first round with 27.89 per cent of the vote.

He faces a run-off election with current mayor Mate Lasic from the ruling Croatian Democratic Union in the second round scheduled for 31 May. How could people not vote for a person called "mate"? Subliminal advertising would make your assume that Mate is your best...ah never mind.

"I've promised my wife Karmelita that Prolozac will be like our family business", Risa told the online edition of the daily newspaper Jutarnji List on Monday this week (warning: ability to speak an Eastern European language is not unhelpful if you bother to click through).

UPDATE: The ever-splendid Croydonian has independently demonstrated that great minds think alike and fools never differ by also picking up on the same item of news.

Read more...

Monday, May 18, 2009

It's Not Just The House Of Common Villains Who Are At It

Now you've got to admit that the UK taxpayer is getting twitchy about expenses' claims. Jersey has decided to bail in and have some fun too.

A review of public sector expense claims has been launched following Friday’s revelations that the Chief Executive of the Department of Health had claimed for missed guitar lessons.

Treasury Minister Philip Ozouf said that the review would ensure that all claims were ‘appropriate’. It is understood that it will focus on the procedure used to sign off senior officers’ expense claims.

The Jersey Evening Post understand that such claims are approved by a Chief Officer’s finance director. Questions are therefore being asked about how appropriate it is that a boss’s claim is being put before one of his or her slaves.

There is, at this stage, officially no suggestion that Health chief Mike Pollard, who earns in excess of £150,000 a year, broke any rules or guidelines in claiming for his lessons.

States Chief Executive Bill Ogley (him of the mugshot) said that he was confident his senior colleagues would be shown to have behaved properly. That of course gets him not randomly sacked for nicking loopaper or something as an excuse to clear his chair for somebody slightly less politically switched on.

It's too parochial for the G.O.T. to inflict video pain on the guilty ones but in Jersey this will be big potatoes (sorry for the pun).

Read more...

RIP: Sgt Steven Roberts

It's not just RIP from TheEye to one of our heroes. It seems that he has been shabbily treated. Now TheEye hates the EU and all of it's pernicious just-for-the-hell-of-it legislation but maybe for once their "Human Rights" nonsense might actually really help someone genuinely.
It'd be a bloody first.

The Ministry of Defence is facing a flood of compensation claims from families of servicemen who have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan after a landmark legal ruling that they are covered by these EU diktats that we can't stop. Sorry, TheEye thought his grandfathers' sorted that out in the Battle of Britain but the one who drove a Hurricane and the one who fixed Spitfire engines in the Sahara were obviously not focussed that afternoon.

The Ministry of Defence is facing a flood of compensation claims from families of servicemen who have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan after a landmark legal ruling that they are covered by human rights laws.

A decision by the Court of Appeal on Monday upheld a High Court ruling that troops serving abroad are protected by the Human Rights Act despite the challenge by the Ministry of Defence.

The families of soldiers killed as a result of poor or outdated equipment are thought to be most likely to use the decision against the MoD, including the 37 soldiers who have died in the Snatch Land Rover, which has been criticised as too weak to withstand roadside bombs

Others could include the case of Sgt Steven Roberts who was killed due to a shortage of body armour and the 14 deaths that resulted from the destruction of the Nimrod reconnaissance aircraft over Afghanistan.

Deaths in other vehicles which have been shown to be vulnerable to roadside bombs, such as Jackal, Viking and Vector, could also leave the MoD liable to prosecution.

No Thanks as the caption for this photograph should be. I'd Rather Walk.

Military commanders also fear combat operations could be hamstrung by soldiers using human rights legislation to allow them to question orders.

A former commanding officer of troops in Basra told The Daily Telegraph that the decision would make it extremely difficult to lead "soldiers who are going to question your orders suggesting 'you are breaching my human rights'.

"I think the business of us getting on with the job is going to be extremely difficult. We are going to be spending a long time risk assessing, whereas our energy should be applied to solving the intellectual problems of winning the campaign."

The case was brought to court by the mother of Private Jason Smith who died from a heatstroke in 2003 while working in temperatures of 122F in Iraq without air conditioning. She who won a decision in April last year that sending soldiers out on patrol or into battle with defective equipment could amount to a breach of their human rights.

Lawyers for John Hutton, the Defence Secretary, mounted an appeal to overturn the ruling. They did not dispute that the state had a responsibility for the well-being of its Armed Forces but to suggest that it might be in breach of human rights on each occasion that it did not provide a soldier with optimal equipment would impose a "wholly unreasonable and disproportionate obligation".

The ruling is likely to be challenged in the House of Lords as the MoD has substantially reservations over how it could impact on current operations.

Bob Ainsworth, the Minister for Armed Forces, said the "disappointing" court decision could have "very serious implications for the ability of our forces – and those of our allies - to conduct military operations overseas". Personally, having a Minister of the Crown calling himself 'Bob' rather than 'Robert' is already a sign that things are not right with the world.

Reflecting the worry of defence chiefs overseeing operations in Afghanistan the MoD issued a second statement that said during the "heat of battle" in "fast moving operations" Britain "could not secure the rights and freedoms which the Human Rights Act seeks to guarantee".

"We are very concerned by the attempt to insert lawyers into the chain of command in the middle of a battle, which would only create uncertainty, hesitation and potentially greater risk to our people."

Patrick Mercer, a Tory MP and a former infantry commander, said if the ruling was "interpreted sensibly" it should not impact on combat operations. But he warned that it could make commanders "risk averse". Also note the lack of 'Pat' Mercer. It shows that he isn't a 'Bob' and actually takes his job seriously rather than 'Bob' who is just claiming expenses until he is turfed out of office next year.

The case was originally brought after Andrew Walker, the outspoken Oxford assistant deputy coroner, recorded that Pte Smith had died as a result of "serious failure" by the military in addressing the climate issues.

A new inquest will now reopen later this year.

Catherine Smith, Pte Smith's mother who brought the case, said: "Jason knew he could die and I accept this. But simple steps that could have been taken - like providing air conditioning units which were available 4 miles away - weren't taken and this put his life at risk unnecessarily."

Jocelyn Cockburn, her solicitor, said: "The implications of this judgment are simple - our armed forces now have the same protections as all the rest of us. Moving away from the name comments right now sharpish.

"The MoD suggestion that they should lose these protections when on the battlefield is outrageous. Soldiers have the right to know, when risking their lives for us, that we have provided them with all reasonable protection."

Lawyers are uncertain as yet of the ruling's full implications but some believe claims could be brought from any incidents dating back to when the Human Rights Act was introduced in 2000.

TheEye makes his point clearly - as with St Crispin and The G.O.T. - if you don't stand with our troups then stand in front of them. TheEye won't stand for this crap. You know what you sign up to. People fire lead pointed thingies at you. If St Crispin has been involved then 4.5 inch shells might be heading your way and if TheEye's father has decided to stir his bones then a SeaDart Missile may be heading down your chimney just as TheEye types. The SeaDart missile in the picture is white and therefore real. The red ones, oddly, are the fakes.

Read more...

Gorbals Mick Is Toast

Regular readers will be aware that The G.O.T. St C and TheEye are completely different on politics, background, professions, relationship situations...well basically just about everything. Which is why the three of of us doing this blog together is so much fun. And judging by our readership stats it is for you readers too.

Although keeping the G.O.T. as the sweary blog and here as clean there are always moments for excellent cross-posts and this from the G.O.T. about Gorbals Mick is worth a look for the nice idea. Admire the ability of my co-conspirator - and to be fair you've seen how good he is...commision him for some graphic or video work.

Read more...

Now Is A Good Time To Invade

Despite the occasional miscellany which surfaces on this site and the complete unashamedly parochial nature of a post turning up in the next two-or-three, TheEye (who is missing St Crispin's wise council as he is busy teaching ex-colonials how to shoot at things from the comfort of a subsidised wardroom in Singapore - pool attached) returns to the serious military, political and current affairs issues.

The Army has abandoned plans for a new training camp that was meant to cope with the record number of applicants.

It decided that the £8.5 million cost of building a new centre at an army cadet establishment at Barry Buddon, near Dundee, could not be justified because it would turn out only 200 extra soldiers a year.

Army recruitment has risen by 14 per cent in the six months to March 31 compared with the same period last year as a result of the poor job prospects elsewhere in Britain (the One Eyed Son Of The Manse will of course tell you that it all started in America and the fact that he is a snot-gobbling man-fondling wanker happens to be a coincidence).

That presented the Army with the problem of finding enough training places to keep up with the rising demand and Operation Solomon — to build the new training centre — was begun to ensure that the teenage recruits were fed into the Army’s training programme as quickly as possible before they changed their minds about becoming soldiers.

Despite the prospect of having a fully manned Army for the first time for many years, army chiefs decided that the costs of the camp were too high. A Ministry of Defence official said: “It just wasn’t value for money.”

The Army has had to try to fit the new recruits into the existing training system. The MoD said that the infantry training centre at Catterick, in North Yorkshire, was planning to run two additional combat infantryman courses to start in June/July, each with 144 recruits. An additional four courses would be created at the Army’s initial training regiment at Bassingbourn in Cambridgeshire.

With the Barry Buddon proposal scrapped, it will take longer to get the new recruits through training and into the field.

“The new recruits will be blended into the normal training pipeline — they will still be able to join the Army,” the MoD spokesweasel droned. Still able to join the Army? Eh? On the Richter Scale that scores 8.5 on Statin' T'e Bleedin' Obvious, Sunshine.

At any given time there are 3,000 people waiting in the recruiting pipeline. The MoD said that the Army’s training facilities were approaching “full capacity” but insisted that the system could deal with it. The MoD is also looking at out-sourcing training, using the private sector to share "the burden of coping" with the rise in recruits.Those two completely contradictory statements basically say "It's all marvellous, just trust us" and "Oooops we appear to be drowning in our own bullshit".

Two infantry battalions that had been training with 12th Mechanised Brigade, first for Iraq, and then for Afghanistan, had been earmarked to take over the instruction of the young recruits once the new centre was built but that plan is obviously now a spectacular train-crash (sorry - the system, apparently, can deal with it...or we'll privatise you).

Now for the 250th post on this blog my co-conspirator the G.O.T. prepared a video with a skill that TheEye can only envy and a talent for catching the mood of the day that TheEye can only admire. It is with pure admiration that it is reposted for your viewing pleasure.
video
video
.

Read more...

Breaking Obscure Laws Just Because You Can

TheEye often sets the quiz in the local Hostility and has been known to deeply upset the compilers of other quizzes on a good night.

Hence knowing, for example, that in landlocked Utah state it is illegal to hunt whales. In the event that you ever win a pub quiz with this as the tie-breaker then you owe TheEye a large G&T.

However further strangeness beckons. In Florida it is specifically illegal to have sex with a porcupine. And so what do two stupid Russians do? Yes, you've guessed.

Staying in Florida on holiday, the two from Saint Petersburg decided to check whether they could ignore this unusual law or not.

Consequences appeared to be rather unfortunate. The poor chaps had to take needles from their genitals and treatment for inflammation over several months.

Having arrived in the USA, the Russians were given the book about the craziest American laws. For example, in Colombia sex - other than in a missionary position - is forbidden; in Kentucky it is forbidden to bring a lion to a movie theatre; and as we now know in Florida it is strictly forbidden to have sex with porcupines.

Doctors at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center made the following diagnosis: 'needles of a porcupine in genitals'.

At first 32-year-old Anton and 30-year-old Eugenie had a good laugh at the senseless law written by local authorities. And then, after helping themselves with whisky, they decided to break it.

“We came here to the USA to have fun!” said Anton and the two friends started their searches for the so called American "hedgehog". It took them less than an hour to find a suitable animal.

With victorious shouts the drunken friends dropped their trousers and started making unambiguous movements with their hips. Having sobered up the following morning the friends realized that they need medical assistance. So the animal-lovers had to go from the airport straight to hospital, Life.Ru reports.

“The most positive thing about the situation is that the Russian tourists did not have to stand trial in Florida. They left the state just in time,” said the doctors at the hospital.

Now American laws do not seem so amusing to Anton and Eugenie. After returning to Moscow they had to get acquainted with Russian urologists because apparently the porcupine needles caused very strong inflammation.

TheEye will stick to whale-hunting in Utah.

Read more...

Something You Can't Do If You Are Gay

Two suggestions for this post (feel free to add others in the comments but only if you'd be happy for your mother to read them).

1. Get elected to the H0use of Commons whilst being called Iain Dale (sorry Iain, I know you sometimes stroll via here and that was a cheap but fun jibe. Forgive me please).

2. Join the Peruvian Police Force.

For we learn that a campaign for "high morality among policemen" has been launched in Peru. The head of the nation’s Interior Ministry Mercedes Cabanillas initiated amendments to the police regulations directed at "cleansing" the police of gays and adulterers. As decisions go it's certainly way up there in the 'interesting' category.

According to the decision made by the chief of the Peruvian police, homosexuals may not serve in the police. She supposes that such policemen evoke an ambiguous reaction in the local society and thus do irreparable harm to the reputation of the department.

Policemen caught in adultery will not be spared either. However, it is not mentioned in the decree if these measures concern men only. It is not clear either whether the term “adultery” applies to people living in an informal marriage. Along with homosexuals and adulterers, the decree concerns strike instigators. It is strictly forbidden in Peru (as well as in most countries of the world) for policemen to go on strikes.

Mercedes Cabanillas has a reputation as a politician who makes strange decisions. Local mass media even dubbed her “the Peruvian Margaret Thatcher” remembering how the former British Prime Minister made no concessions to unions and tried to suppress strikes and enforce the rule of law in the 1980s.

There's no denying that Cabanillas is original. For instance, she decided to dismiss all men from the traffic police of Lima in March. Now only women are on duty on the streets of the Peruvian capital. In Cabanillas’ opinion, replacing men with women can help reduce bribery, for “a research revealed that they take less bribes than men do”.

There is only one man left in the local traffic police – the head of the department General Arturo Davila. Poor bloke. It's a medical fact that get a group of female flatmates together and their natural cycles tend to migrate towards the same part of the month. Imagine being the only bloke and also the boss of a city-strong force of only policewomen. There will be a few days each month when he just *won't* want to get out of bed.

The new decree of the head of the Interior Ministry will be liked in the country. Moral standards are very puritanical there unlike in neighbouring Brazil where people dance half-naked during carnivals. Genuinely religious Indians accepting no homosexuality comprise almost a half of the Peruvian population.

As a matter of fact, Peruvian authorities have much more serious problems. The country with the 28-million-strong population is far from being wealthy even by Latin American standards. The majority of its population lives below the poverty line. The unemployed comprise about ten percent of the population.

So, Iain, stick to the journalism day-job. The Peruvian Police Force isn't for you.

UPDATE: TheEye has just checked and Ring and Index finger are identical length. Ah.

Read more...

Ronald Reagan

"There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect."

Lady Thatcher

"If you lead a country like Britain, a strong country, a country which has taken a lead in world affairs in good times and in bad, a country that is always reliable, then you have to have a touch of iron about you."

Voltaire

"Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare."

Back to TOP