Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Diamonds In The Dark (Or Not)

Now TheEye has no truck with this eco-nonsense. David Cameron may have a windmill on his house and councils may be putting microchips in bins but it comes to just too much when the entire world is instructed to turn every light off for some nonsense called "Earth Hour".

Doubtless our children at primary school were instructed, rather as they have been told to make parents feel guilty about smoking, to lecture us about the moral necessity of needing to fall over things in the dark for an hour because it would save cuddly pandas.

When pandas fight, they chew the feet off their defeated opponent to make sure of the victory. There may be a moral in there somewhere. If badgers did the same then Alistair Darling would be *nonswearyblogcan'tsayshittingit* very nervous.

Anyway, TheEye turned a few random lights on during "Earth Hour" just to be annoying and also to save the feet of at least one panda. Then he could have seen the other panda trying to creep up on him. More usefully...who really was going to do this stupidity? Apart from the House of Commons it wasn't exactly a roaring triumph even with the usual suspects.

You'd think California, wouldn't you? Land of the wishy-washy liberal sort....land of the place which says exactly by law how many ice-cream shops can exist there and puts you on a waiting list if you want to open a new one. The state which always votes Democrat...including Arnie who really is one but couldn't recall Gray Davis unless he called himself Republican. They are surely well up for this rubbish.

But no! Look at the graphs. Compare and contrast two days of the hand-wringing teary-eyed seal-hugging glacier-watchers from one of the most pathetic lefty states in the U.S. Nobody actually cared!

If even California don't give a toss then Swampy might as well go and get a job at ASDA.

Diamonds in the Dark
- a great song by the Mystery Jets
gives our title.

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Masturgate

Of course THE story-du-jour has already done the rounds of every news blog that has ever existed...and even the BBC as well...so there is nothing TheEye can add to what has already been written. It takes talent to put an original twist on it and as usual the G.O.T. has managed it splendidly in video format.
video

This is so Not Safe For Work that watching it at home with the speakers turned up is your only way forward.


Check out the G.O.T.'s site (when your boss isn't standing behind you) for some gems.

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Monday, March 30, 2009

How To Really Punish Bankers

Always bringing the latest in breaking news, this topical example of how to deal with bankers and their ilk comes from the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle. Bear with TheEye on this one...it is worth it.

"1125AD In this year sent the King Henry, before Christmas, from Normandy to England, and bade that all the mint-men that were in England should be mutilated in their limbs; that was, that they should each of them lose the right hand, and their testicles beneath.

"This was because the man that had a pound could not lay out a penny at a market. And the Bishop Roger of Salisbury sent over all England, and bade them all that they should come to Winchester at Christmas.

"When they came thither, then were they taken one by one, and deprived each of the right hand and the testicles beneath. All of this was done within the twelfth-night.

"And that was all done in perfect justice, because they had undone the whole land with the great quantity of base coin that they all bought."

Makes taking Sir Ken Goodwin's pension away look a little bit feeble, really.

(Spotted in Private Eye but not online.)

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Saturday, March 28, 2009

Brown seeing sense at last?

'Nothing to discuss' on Falklands


Yet again those dago's from the southern Americas seem to think they can just keep badgering us into submission (when brute force failed the last time!).

Apparently the new tactic to get the Falklands back is to go "Oh please, oh please, oh please" to the unelected PM when he arrives for a pre-G20 meeting.

Well, actually it's not his to give away, it's the Falkland islanders, and from what I remember of the last time I was there (It's all a little hazy, as I was not allowed to put my hand in my pocket in any pub there,and we visited a few!) They are resolute that they will stay British!

Argentinians, If you want it so much, come & take it. I for one would me more than happy to assist in rubbing your noses in it one more time.

Update from TheEye: EyeSenior was involved first time around and TheEye would be proud to follow in the footsteps of a brave man and father if anything like this happened again. If standing gun-with-gun then TheEye would want St. C manning the one next door - basically making it easier to blag that I'd hit'em and he'd missed rather than the much more likely way around!

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Friday, March 27, 2009

G20...It's Going To Get Messy

TheEye is unsure of the tack for this story. Whilst wanting keenly to assemble politicians, lampposts and hemp-based material in the same place at the same time, and deploring huge (legally and contractually due) bonuses going to bankers, these things go too far sometimes.

Remembering the chaos at Davos a few years ago for the G7/8/10 and now 20 (hey, if you want to find new friends, just add them to your International Finance Facebook group. Instant Messenger contacts between collapsing economies are soooo 2001 now.

But look at this nonsense. It's okay to protest, but you just know that a park bench or two are going to go through windows of helpless retailers...who will probably be collared by the Peelers if they try to defend their own premises.

These graphics are being circulated online and the protests are slated to start tomorrow and last all week. Thousands are expected to turn up, throw bricks at policemen and become martyrs to the cause by being arrested...hmmmm....except it is illegal to take a photograph of a policeman in the course of hitting a "suspect" nor indeed taking one at any time at all now.

The anarchists are reportedly using Google Streetview and Twitter to organize riots, hang businessmen in effigy at the behest of a university professor known as “Mr. Mayhem,” call for guillotining bank execs, and target London firms that fail to turn off their lights to commemorate the moronic "Earth Hour". If shops and offices don’t worship at the altar of environmentalism then protesters have "reserved the right" to break in and turn their lights off themselves.

If you don't like it then just leave North Korea to set the example.

TheEye will be turning on a couple of lights randomly just to take the piss.

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Gordoom: Our Contempt For You

TheEye hat-tips in appreciation the skill of the GrumpyOldTwat for putting together this video. The "All Seeing Eye" blog remains non-sweary so be advised that this is not safe for work - but the pure genius needs a wider audience.

video

Wasn't there an old lager advert which had the punchline 'Class In A Glass'. The G.O.T. has nailed it.

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Official: The Grauniad Says "Move To Gibraltar"

An article in Wednesday's edition of the ‘The Guardian’ describes Gibraltar as “a miraculous survivor in these days of international financial turmoil and sweeping recession, thanks to a sinking pound and an economy that grows at a rate comparable to that of China.” The author Giles Tremlett calls The Rock “a tiny, sun-baked strip of land on Europe’s southern coast”. Basically he's saying that it is a shopping haven where Spaniards come in search of cheap cigarettes, booze and sex. All available here but wait in line.

The hack scribbler writes: “Spanish shoppers cram the Morrisons aisles, looking suspiciously at such quintessentially British foodstuffs as Marmite, baked beans and hot-cross buns, but snapping up everything from cheap milk to rice.”

Meanwhile Chief Minister Peter Caruana is quoted as saying that if Gibraltar “were a sovereign state we would be 13th in the world in GDP per capita.”

“That would put it above Canada or Switzerland. Growth will slow with the global recession,” he said, “but will not stop.”

Caruana is the least unpopular politician in Gibraltar (by a nose) but that isn't saying much and as with most things he's probably wrong with this one too. Still, St Crispin and TheEye will be in a Gib bar in late April so get your requests for tickets in early to avoid the rush...

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"1984"...A Warning, Not An Instruction Manual

Although the Spectator has gone downhill of late, it is still worth a read, and TheEye gets a regular copy. Although part of a larger article about Jade Goody, this slightly off topic paragraph stood out.

"What the author of Nineteen Eighty-Four could never have predicted is that the citizens would subject themselves to the scrutiny of the cameras voluntarily. The deeper threat to human dignity in 2009 is not state surveillance but pathological exhibitionism. In so many respects, what Orwell foretold has come to pass — with the crucial difference that it has been embraced by consumers not imposed upon them by the totalitarian state."

It chimes in horribly with this from the Mirror:

"Counter-terror powers to spy on people have been used 10,333 times by councils for things as trivial as dog fouling.
The 10,333 council operations also targeted benefit fraud, fly tipping, theft and graffiti damage.
Just nine per cent of them led to a successful prosecution, caution or fixed-penalty notice.
Ministers are now promising to carry out a review to ensure the powers are not abused.
10,333 Number of times town halls used anti-terror laws to spy on people.
0 Number of times town halls used anti-terror laws in terror offences."


The Telegraph has also carried a list of the strangest uses of the so-called anti-terror laws.

TheEye was particularly spooked by "establishing the identities of those taking fairy lights from a Christmas tree", although considering that Gordoom isn't able to run a whelk stall then "illegal sale of shellfish" seemed appropriate, and looking at Harriet Harperson "changing the identity of cattle" also figures. Looking for "overcharging by taxi drivers" seems pointless as it'd be too trivial. Finding one which charged fairly would provide much more of a challenge.

LPUK recently sent out copies of "1984" to every MP with the slogan used in the title of this post. They have a point. According to DK, all of the LibDums who bothered to reply to the gift ironically failed to understand why they had been sent it.

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Thursday, March 26, 2009

LiveChat Of BBC Question Time On Thursday

As usual, one of your convivial hosts will be assisting with the moderation of a live-chat over on BiasedBBC which provides in-running banter, comment and lashings of haughty contempt during Question Time.

The panelists most likely to make me throw things at the screen this week are Charles Clarke, Caroline Lucas and Ed Davey. Eric Pickles is a sound cove and TheEye will probably be nodding quite a bit when he speaks. Michael Winner is the random oddball chairpolisher who may or may not be entertaining (probably depending on his pre-show red wine intake).

Biased-BBC, Thursday at 10:30pm UK time. Whatever your views on the BBC, please join us and add your 0.02p!

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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Church Moved To Not Offend Muslims

From the always-odd Austrian Times we see:

"Church leaders are spending 100,000 GBP moving a chapel half a mile - so it doesn't offend Muslims.

The Orthodox church was built on the site of a derelict mosque in Divic, Bosnia-Herzegovina, and is being taken away to improve relations with local Muslim worshippers.

Builders will spend a week driving the church to its new location on a massive low loader truck."

Link, although that is the whole article so no real point going there.

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Polly Toynbee Talks Rubbish (An Ongoing Series)

Regular Observers (pun intended) of this blog will know that TheEye is no fan of the BBC or the Grauniad. Therefore much amusement came from an article by the unspeakable Toynbee in the said rag.

The socialist who lectures us on helping out the "poor" from the comfort of her villa in Tuscany observes that the Labour-job-advert-subsidised rag she is paid a fortune to scribble for is facing a financial firing squad. Her huge salary is, natch, not being donated back to keep the proles in the menial jobs. There is a chance that it might go under:

"Meanwhile, the national press risks following American newspapers to the great spike in the sky. Britain without the Mail or the Sun would be a happier place, less biliously nihilist, less miserable, angry and afraid. But democracy without the scrutiny of good journalism is unthinkable. In the end, it's up to you. If you always read this on the web, go out and buy a copy, skinflint. Use it or lose it."

Well give back your £120,000 a year for your gin-addled two weekly articles and leave us alone.

"But this is an emergency. Battalions of journalists with local knowledge are being sacked and newspaper expertise lost."

You could hire how many real journalists with her salary...5..7.10? And we wouldn't have to all fisk her rubbish on a weekly basis. Regrettably as TheEye has never bought a copy of the paper version of the BBC no newly imposed boycott of the Guardian can be done, but to see that rag die would give great pleasure. They do, however, use a spellchecker nowadays...they put John Major in as John Mayor, so things must be looking up for the sub-editors.

Do not read her article if your blood pressure is elevated or you are prone to throwing things at your monitor. This remains a *twitch* non-sweary blog, but reading her nonsense makes it a close-run thing.

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You Couldn't Make It Up...(Or Could You?)

Much as TheEye enjoyed the G.O.T.s posting below, the BBC reports:

"An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling."

No sign of it Google Earth though, which is a shame. However a personal slight suspicion lingers that the BBC might have been taken in by a Photoshop effort. The picture from the BBC website carries the label "KNS News"

Reading their website we find: "kns news is on 24-hour call to serve the needs of national newspapers and magazines. Our experienced reporters working from the newsroom in Norwich are ready to cover stories across East Anglia and further afield if required.

We supply a steady stream of exclusive stories to the national newspapers on a variety of subjects including, Norfolk farmer Tony Martin, lottery winner Michael Carroll, and rock stars The Darkness.

One recent scoop was the revelation that TV celebrity Ulrika Johnsson was to marry her 'Mr Wright' - Lance Gerard Wright. Um, recent?

We also tackle in-depth investigations and carry out surveillance work.

If you wish to hire a reporter please ring us now on the main office number xxxx."

Yes, they sound incredibly respectable, don't they? Nice picture though.

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Monday, March 23, 2009

Love Thy Neighbour


This is a true story about a dispute between two neighbours living in Utah.

And please promise that you won't look at the picture until you have read the text.

It'll spoil the fun!

A local councillor, Mark Easton, had always enjoyed a beautiful view of the mountains, until a new neighbour purchased the land below his house and built a new home.

The new home had been built 18 inches higher than the planning department had approved, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the local authority to make sure they enforced the roof line height.

Subsequently, at great expense to himself, the new neighbour had to lower the height of the roof.

Recently, councillor Mark Easton again contacted the planning department to inform them that his new neighbour had now installed some new vents on the side of his property.

Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the planning dept to investigate.

When the plannersvisited Mark's home
to see what the new vents looked like,
this is what they found . . . . . . . 










The Local Authority said the vents can stay since there is no planning law referring to the design of shutters!



Incidentally, although G.O.T. rather likes the new neighbour's wicked sense of humour he doesn't care much for Mark Easton's white fence.
It would play havoc with the 'peepers' on a nice sunny day. 

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Saturday, March 21, 2009

The G.O.T. Gets Up Close And Personal


This remains an unsweary blog but you have got to admire the craftsmanship involved in this...

UPDATE: Does anybody have any news about the much-missed Tractorstats?

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Eastern European News Oddities

A few gems are proffered from the ever-bizarre Austrian Times here in a digest rather than as full posts.

Ever looked at your sister in a strange way? No? Ah, so it's just me in trouble then* unless, of course, I was living in Romania.

Incest Laws Scrapped

Legal authorities in Romania are to decriminalise incest between consenting adults. The Government's new criminal code says offenders should be given psychiatric and medical counselling instead. Political legal adviser Dr Valerian Cioclei explained: "Not everything that is immoral has to be illegal. We cannot help these people by turning them into criminals and then punishing them."

Mickey Mouse Police Radios

Mickey Mouse walkie-talkies given away free with a kids magazine in Germany have been recalled - after youngsters started to pick up police radio broadcasts on them. The handsets - produced in China and given away in 300,000 magazines - were tuned to the same frequency as the emergency police network in Hamburg and Hanover in northern Germany.

Pope Shoots, Jesus Saves

The Pope is fielding a team of Vatican priests to take on police officers and traffic wardens for a charity football match in Quarto, southern Italy on Saturday. The Vatican team - raising cash for refugees in the Congo - has the slogan: "We play like God".

And of course the unmissably moronic:

Boyfriend's Suicide Bid With Birth Control Pills

A dimwit depressive was rushed to hospital after he tried to commit suicide with his girlfriend's birth control pills. Marku Plesu, 28, gobbled down dozens of the pills after a row at the couple's apartment in Faget, Romania.

Serious posting will be resumed tomorrow, but a certain what-on-earthness is allowed on here every now and then.

*TheEye doesn't have a sister before anyone starts thinking of calling the rozzers. Strange, though, that given the option for this post of a walkie-talkie picture, a football one, a pic of some pills and one of a couple getting it on - the cards fell as they did. Odd that, eh? Snigger.

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Not Dead Yet, OK!

TheEye has no time for Goody-mania, and has no idea what she has ever done (if anything). However she isn't dead yet and it's really a bit much that OK! has published a 1981-2009 Official Tribute Issue before her pulse has even stopped.

If you want to avoid one thing this year then a good option is this week’s copy of OK! Magazine.

Tribute issues before someone has even died? And it will get worse - feel encouraged to stock up on the sick bags because every tabloid (and even the more readable dead tree press) will have full-colour 12 page pull-out-and-keep supplements when she does die. The BBC and Sky will have wall-to-wall coverage for days on end and doubtless the Pope will stop doing whatever he does in the woods and have a canonisation announcement prepared. A webcam, doubtless, is already in the coffin. B Hussein Osama must already have a statement ready on his teleprompter.

But at least they will wait until she dies. Sorry if this post sounds heartless but TheEye would trade a million column inches about this 'reality-television' nobody for half a paragraph tribute to a soldier lost in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Is it only TheEye who is disgusted by what this magazine has done?

UPDATE: She has passed on today. RIP and condolences to her family, but TheEye still couldn't stand her and won't step back in a just-died-so-be-extra-nice hypocritical way.

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They Shall Not Grow Old (Revisited)

In February TheEye blogged on the refusal of this disgusting Government to help subsidise our D-Day veterans to attend the 65th anniversary commemoration of their heroism.

The MoD only provide funding to commemorate 25th, 50th, 60th and 100th anniversaries of major engagements but quite how many veterans would be around for the 100th is a fairly daft question as only about 500 are thought to be fit enough to make it to this one.

The One-Eyed Snot Gobbler has seen the way that the mood was going and said on Friday that he wanted to be "very much part" of a photo opportunity commemoration of the troops. It was rather ironic as he was also speaking from a Fuhrerbunker where he is busy moving non-existent battalions around a map shortly before his doom. Of course he wants to raid the National Lottery cash to do it, but its the thought which doesn't count.

However it is good to see that there is still some evidence of backbone in the populace. We see that Peter Hodge, Hon Sec of the Normandy Veterans Association, said:

"There is no way in the world I am going to agree with the National Lottery standing up and saying they sent our veterans to Normandy in the 65th anniversary,"

"The people of this country have put the money together and the veterans this year will be going to Normandy with the blessing and the appreciation of the British people and there is no way, that 10 weeks before the kick-off, that they are going to take the credit for this."

The funds for the commemoration are being paid for by private donations and an appeal by the Daily Mail. TheEye has given something...please consider doing so as well.

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The Teleprompter Made Me Do It

Nobody is allowed to criticise TheOne of course, so when his teleprompter failed last week and the supposed Greatest Orator Of Our Time floundered horribly it went largely unreported in the U.S. media. Courtesy of a Daily Telegraph article the video is on YouTube along with 9 other excellent gaffes by the new guardians of the free world. (TheEye didn't get a vote in the matter, obviously)

It is of course far from the first time that he has fallen apart without pre-composed electronic assistance. Someone has even set up an excellent blog "written" by Baracksteleprompter.

This (probably) Photoshopped image is of course inaccurate as it shows his feet under the water.

If you missed Jay Leno's "Tonight Show" on the 19th then Michelle Malkin has a few things to say on the first (and possibly last) appearance of a sitting US President on a chatshow. Special Olympics bowling, eh?

So what, in these financially strapped times, did it cost to massage his ego on international television?

It costs $68,000 an hour to operate Air Force One. So, it’s 2,308 miles one way from DC to LA, so 4,616 miles round trip. At an average flying speed of 500 mph (on the high end of a 747) gives 9 hours and $612,000. Add the cost of transporting Presidential limousines, Secret Service staff and support vehicles, increased security at the Tonight Show studio, costs to the local and state government to provide local security, traffic control, etc. The US taxpayer has just been done for at least $1 - $1.5 million.

Even Tone wouldn't have needed the two Blair Force One's that he ordered to make it to the really grilling interview he had on the Richard and Judy Show.

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Thursday, March 19, 2009

Tonight - Live Blogging Of Question Time

In what has become a great Thursday night ritual, once again TheEye will be assisting in the moderation of a live-chat over on Biased-BBC - which tracks the BBC's Question Time as it goes along.

It's a rough-and-tumble live blog which is well worth the entertainment value and several readers here are regular contributors. Daniel1979, for example, gets a well deserved tip of the metaphorical trilby for his regular interference in such matters. There are also a couple of regular nutters and trolls who keep the banter going as well.

Please join us for our weekly stroll around reasons to spontaneously throw things against your television.

In breaking news: St Crispin has promised us an update on the funerals of our recently murdered Forces members. More to follow when it is typed.

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Exclusive: MP's Are Thieves Shocker!

TheEye doesn't like to venture South of the River after 9pm in to somebody else's manor, but the ever excellent Croydonian, who assiduously scans Hansard for hidden gems, hasn't spotted this one yet so TheEye is going to get in there first.

David Amess (Southend West, Conservative) | Hansard source

To ask the hon. Member for North Devon, representing the House of Commons Commission how many cases of theft from inside (a) the Palace of Westminster and (b) each other building on the Parliamentary estate were reported in each of the last five years; what items were reported stolen; what the estimated value of each was; and if he will make a statement.

And we learn....

Nick Harvey (North Devon, Liberal Democrat) | Hansard source

Now the list goes on and on, and can be found here. TheEye, however, wants to check on the safety of Vince following the loss of "Armoured Cable", where "computers x17" vanished to (value unlisted), which MP spent £300 on the most expensive dictaphone in history and why we have lost a single candlestick valued at £1,000.

Some of the things on the list (and their values) have to be seen to be believed. Okay, so the MP's Are Thieves headline is a bit melodromatic, but you can't fault an Eye for trying.

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A BBC Non-Apology For Complete Bias

You've got to love this from the BBC. This is posted on Tom Gross' website:


Read his site. Tom has plenty of further interesting revelations about the BBC and CNN on his full ‘Middle East dispatch'. And we pay for this. Nobody tell David Vance otherwise he'll go so ballistic he'll be a danger to low-flying aircraft.

UPDATE: Just a second, is that UN bloke's name MAXWELL GAYLORD?

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Wear(y)ing Of The Green

It's that day of the year again...the one where you have to choose between a pub full of drunken idiots who had an Irish great-great-grandfather or a pub full of English people who are miserable because they've been forced out of their local for the night by shamrock-bedecked Guinness quaffers.

Life, however could be even more miserable if you are a lefty. From the completely nutjob Huffington Post, these are some examples of how much fun you could be having if you were stark raving mad:

“Green Your St. Patrick’s Day Partying.”

3. Vegan eatin’: Vegan corned “beef” and cabbage
I’ve never tried this one, but I’ll say this: I’m increasingly impressed with imitation meat meals. Especially vegan junk food (like Foodswings in Brooklyn). But if you want to reduce the impact of your St. Patrick’s Day food — or if you want to cater to your friends who don’t eat meat, here’s a recipe for Vegan corned “beef” and cabbage.

4. Have a clothing swap party
Recession BONUS: Dress in green and bring clothes you don’t wear anymore to trade with friends. It’s the cheapest, greenest wardrobe option around! Here is the cheesiest possible video explaining the rules of clothing swap parties.

5. Try greener lighting
…which is to say none! That’s right — party by moonlight. Or candlelight. Prove that you can do better than Earth Hour while partying.

Saving you the effort of clicking, the missing ones are (1) drink local beer (2) don't throw things away and (6) is work from home tomorrow.

TheEye is not going anywhere near these as suggestions, although clothing removal parties are popular in the Master Bedroom of Eye Towers. Seeing the state of the Indian takeaway on the second shelf of the fridge, (2) is definitely not the way forward.

Better ideas eco-friendly ideas:

* Vomit only in a re-usable bag, and if possible share your bag with others.
* Use spinach to make your beer green instead of earth-unfriendly artificial dyes.
* Insist police drive you to jail in a hybrid vehicle.

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A Good Day To Bury BBC Bad News


...about Iraq.

This survey which was part-funded by the BBC (that means you and me, folks) found that...

"Violence and insecurity are no longer the main concern of most Iraqis, for the first time since the 2003 US-led invasion, an opinion poll suggests. It says Iraqis are much more hopeful about the future and are increasingly pre-occupied with more conventional worries like the economy and jobs."

If the result had been different then you can be certain that we would have heard a lot more about it on every news bulletin available.

A doff of the fedora to a certain Alastair Campbell. Ha! Never thought that would ever be typed on this blog!

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Monday, March 16, 2009

RIP The Dead Tree Media?

Always keen on a story with a twist and a sucker for a newspaper with a daft name, TheEye brings you news that tomorrow is the last ever paper-based publication of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

It will, interestingly, become the largest US newspaper to go entirely online. Is this the inevitable way forward for the dead tree press?

Put up by the Hearst Corp in a 60 day firesale in January 2009 it hasn't attracted a buyer because it hasn't made money for years. Rather like the 149-year old Rocky as blogged on by TheEye a week ago, the P-I has 146 years under the belt. In Arizona, the Tucson Citizen is set to close on Saturday, leaving only one newspaper in that city. Rumours are that the San Francisco Chronicle is teetering on the brink as well.

Four newspaper companies, including the owners of the Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune and The Philadelphia Inquirer, have sought Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in recent months.

In February, the P-I site had 1.8 million unique visitors and 50 million page views, but the newspaper's print circulation was down to 117,000 from nearly 200,000 in 1998. Its only real rival, the Seattle Times, has a print readership of 199,000 and had to cut 500 jobs last year - even after a deal with their P-I long-term rivals to share printing and advertising.

Some of the P-I's more famous employees over the years included novelist Tom Robbins, columnist Emmett Watson and "Dune" scribbler Frank Herbert. Where are these talents going to be nurtured in the future before breaking in to the mainstream? The answer - on blogs.

Does the next decade mark the end of the printed newspaper? TheEye recalls the launch of the CoDependent which Zac Goldsmith apparently considered buying, and The Europeawhatsit which crashed and burned. Surely nobody sane would start up a newspaper ever again?

UPDATE: The Telegraph and The Times carry the story about the P-I on Wednesday: two days after it was reported here.

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Another Political Spectrum Quiz

Iain Dale has posted and interesting although US-centric poll on his blog.From the Orator blog there is a link to a questionnaire to let you know how "conservative" or "progressive" you are. You have to answer 40 questions and then it gives you a rating on a scale of 1 to 400. The lower the score, the more conservative you are. The average American scores 209.5

Take the questionnaire HERE.

Worryingly TheEye scored 50.

Going through the comments on Iain's blog, some Friends Of This Parish stand out:
Iain Dale scored 187
Donal Blaney scored 68
Old Holborn scored 193
ToryBear scored 137
Curly got 85

Nobody is anywhere near as low as 50. Should TheEye be nervous, or should the neighbours be?

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Sunday, March 15, 2009

27? U R So Old, Dude

TheEye is unimpressed by a paper issued by the University of West Virginia and published in the journal Neurobiology Of Ageing.

Apparently your mental ability hits a peak at around the age of 22 and by 27 you are well on the downward spiral.

The study of 2,000 men and women took 7 years. The lab-rats, aged between 18-60, were asked to solve visual puzzles, recall words and story details and spot patterns in letters and symbols. 9 out of 12 victims peaked at 22 years old. It is unclear whether their brains were cut out and pickled in jars afterwards for entertainment at med student parties.

What positives can we take from this? 27 is when you are first statistically looking dodgy but it's 37 before the memory starts to....something or other....

On the plus side (or clutching at straws, as TheEye knows it) abilities based on accumulated knowledge, such as performance on tests of vocabulary or general information, increases until the age of 60ish. The tests are usually performed on patients with dementia to check for deterioration but TheEye prefers to monitor his slide in to decline by increasingly struggling to do the Time and Telegraph crosswords. It's nothing to do with the absinthe intake, doc.

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Saturday, March 14, 2009

Decide Where You Stand


This message is from the Young Britons' Foundation to certain chaps and chapesses in Luton (and elsewhere). Says it very well.

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Mind Your Own Business (Part Deux)

"It's Either Banned Or Compulsory" asks an interesting question in the Comments on the DVDs given to The One-Eyed One Eyed Son of the Manse.

What DVD's should he have been given instead?

Great idea and TheEye will kick this off:

Moby Dick - what else for Jonah Broon?
An Inspector Calls - for this corrupt government
We Know Where You Live (Eddie Izzard Live) for the control freak database-gathering nutters.
Under Siege - by the voters.
Ice Age - for those gov advisers who are sucking on the "global warming" teat.
U571 - didn't we once have a Navy?
Hornblower - ah, yes, we did. (no jokes about his supposed sexuality please...unless you feel like it)
Armageddon - Labour at the next election.
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - don't worry, you'll have many of those soon.
Mars Attacks! - No, I thought that the recession was all America's fault?
Tombstone - Your career.

TheEye does not tag, but cordially invites contributions in the Comments.

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Friday, March 13, 2009

Mind Your Own Business

If there are two things TheEye really hates...memes and being tagged for them. The reaction is summed up by the picture.

Now TheEye forgives fellow contributor GOT for tagging him (just) so this is the answer although revenge will occur.

An obscure MP called Tom Harris decided that it might be a laugh to list the 25 awful DVD's that B Hussein Obama picked up from a second-hand shop and stuck in a WalMart bag to give to some fat one-eyed bloke...forgotten who. He tagged Iain Dale for his feedback and then it all became rather silly.

Score 2 points for owning the thing and 1 for watching it is the theory.

Citizen Kane(2), The Godfather (2) (2) (2) but only claiming one, Casablanca (2), Raging Bull, Singin’ in the Rain, Gone with the Wind (2), Lawrence of Arabia(2), Schindler’s List(2), Vertigo(2), The Wizard of Oz, City Lights, The Searchers, Star Wars: Episode IV(2), Psycho(2), 2001: A Space Odyssey(2), Sunset Boulevard, The Graduate (seen on stage, does that count?),The General, On the Waterfront (assuming 1954 - 1 ), It’s a Wonderful Life, Chinatown, Some Like it Hot, The Grapes of Wrath (read the book only), ET: The Extra-Terrestrial and To Kill a Mockingbird(2).

So 23 points. What is "City Lights" when it's at home?

TheEye doesn't wish to tag any other victims but St Crispin may wish to put his 0.02p in. Readers are also encouraged to take it to their blogs or to comment here. Or not.

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The UK's Flying Eyes And Ears Are Grounded

You may want to buy a used Harrier jet for the front lawn as per the previous post, but if Del-Boy offers you a Nimrod then turn him down.

The RAF have 18 of them. One tragically crashed in Afghanistan on 2nd September 2006 with the loss of 14 servicemen. It had been based out of RAF Kinloss in Scotland and the families have been leading the fight to find out the cause of the accident. A three week inquest in May 2008 gave them the answers that they were seeking, however they rather spoiled it by promptly suing the MoD using the results. Let the dead rest in peace and pay your own mortgage off.

It wasn't due to enemy fire - but rather because fuel leaked in to a dry bay and hit a hot air pipe causing a fire. Safety modifications were ordered and these must be completed by 31th March or they are grounded. Of the 18 Nimrods, only 5 have been given the necessary upgrade and 4 of those 5 are currently grounded undergoing other maintenance anyway.

So right now we have one airworthy non-fireball-potential Nimrod and also a few that their crews will be a tiny bit nervous going anywhere near. And on the 31st the UK, on current progress, will only have one allowed to fly at all. Count 'em. One.

This is a disgrace. What is this Government up to? Our eyes in the sky will just sit on the tarmac?

Rest assured that TheEye will be up on the roof this evening with binoculars watching for threats.

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For Sale: One Harrier GR7

As St. Crispin has blogged below on second-hand aircraft, TheEye offers him an opportunity for the ultimate in garden ornaments...a used Harrier GR7 (one careful owner, some scratches).

Obtainable from the MoD Disposal Services Authority here, it doesn't come with an engine so he'll have to pick it up from RAF Cosford himself. It's being sold by competitive tender so no bottom line pricetag.

What do readers think that it is worth?

For those with a cheaper budget and a strange fetish, please browse on that site the fetching range of used kilts here. They are "ideal for film or theatre work, collectors or re-enactors" it is alleged. Yes, but they are used, and if that no-underwear-beneath-the-kilt thing is true then you'd want to wash them a couple of times first.

They also have a category called "Ships" which considering TheEye's naval family history is glad to see is empty. Maybe that's because there aren't any left to sell.

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Spitfire shoots down BNP


This little article made me laugh!



Apparently their PR people neglected to check the details, and used an image of a Spitfire to represent "The defence of Britain against invaders".



As you all will know, the RF prefix on the fuselage indicates a 303 Sqn plane which was manned by that last bunch of Polish who "came over here & took our jobs".


We should remember where gratitude is due.
St. C.

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Thursday, March 12, 2009

It's My Body And I'll Die If I Want To

What better way to celebrate World Kidney Day than with a bottle of decent red wine? The answer is by opening a second...which will occur in the very near future here. Cheers!

TheEye does not smoke but does enjoy the occasional cigar after dinner. To celebrate National No Smoking Day yesterday a cigar the size of Mexico was deployed in the local bar.

Ah, I forgot you can't do that in the UK any more. Oh well, you voted for 'em.

We all have to stand up to these tyrants, do-gooders and general pain-in-the-backside privacy botherers in any way we can. When you stop fighting individually you surrender for all of us.

TheEye, however, would like to see a National No-National-Day Day. Why can't everyone just leave us alone for a while? Please?

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Public Service Announcement: Twitter and LiveChat of QuestionTime

As usual there will be a live chat and running commentary during QuestionTime using CoverItLive on Thursday at 10:30pm (UK) over at BiasedBBC. It is possible that TheEye may be lurking.

Please feel free to add your 0.02p to lively banter and a bit of irreverent fun.

Also, AllSeeingEye blog has started to Twitter (see the right-hand column). It is not just TheEye itself - it is being done by all three co-conspirators here. We will try to identify ourselves by initials as we go along to avoid any confusion!

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Where Does "Anti-Extremist" Funding Really Go?

There is a Government makework slushfund blackhole initiative to throw £70 million of our cash at projects to cuddle domestic terrorists resident extremists.

It didn't do any good in Luton, obviously.

The Shadow Minister for Communities and Local Government Paul Goodman made a point of order in the House of Commons this afternoon which is rather scary.

"Mr. Paul Goodman (Wycombe) (Con): On a point of order, Mr. Speaker. As you are aware, the preventing violent extremism pathfinder fund distributes more than £70 million of public money to local authorities. Last year, after a delay of some six months, the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government was persuaded to place in the Library details of how that fund was being spent for that year. Earlier this year, I wrote to the Secretary of State to ask her to place in the Library the corresponding details for this year. I received no reply. After a written question, I received a reply studiously ignoring the request I had made. This morning, I phoned the Secretary of State’s private office and was told that the Department may—I stress “may”—no longer holds these financial details for this year at all.

My point of order is as follows. Either the Department no longer holds the details of where a substantial tranche of £70 million-worth of public money is going, which is a scandal, or it is refusing to place in the Library details of where that money is going, which, frankly, is no less scandalous in relation to information that Members of this House and members of the public have the right to see. What can you do, Mr. Speaker, to assist Members of this House in obtaining access to information that they have a right to know?

Mr. Speaker: It is up to Ministers as to how they answer parliamentary questions. I will look into the matter the hon. Gentleman raises, and I will get back to him. I thank him for raising it.

So basically this money could be anywhere. Maybe even down the back of TheEye's sofa (note to self: check sofa). In this time of the One Eyed Scottish Idiot's economic doom we appear to have randomly given £70 million to a bunch of spongers in the hope that they will start being nice to us. And we don't have any records of who we've given it to!

Hmm, Gordon, string a few connecting words between "Government" "incompetence" "corruption" "stupidity" "dhimmitude" "taxpayer is taking it up the" and "complete and utter (insert GOT phrase du jour here)".

Damn, knew that today was a day to guest-blog at GOT's. The venom is huge but this blog remains, as always, tranquilo.

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A Land Fit For Heroes?

Despite the fact that this is already receiving widespread front page media attention. this demands a post on this military-leaning blog.


Muslims, as everyone will know by now, protested when the 2nd Battalion Royal Anglicans marched through Luton to mark their return from a tour of Basra. There were 12 fewer of them than there should have been.

But a police-sanctioned demonstration by "British" Muslims waved banners and chanted, calling them "Butchers of Basra", "babykillers" and "war criminals". Enraged locals chased them off but only after the police decided to try to keep the demonstration going by protecting them.


Unfortunately Labour's scheme for ID cards isn't in place yet as it would have been very helpful in identifying this lot.

Here we see the locals rallying in support of our troops and sweeping these scumsucking parasites from the streets:



But what did the police do? Nick two of the locals.

These people come across here and claim our benefits and handouts but this is what we get in return. Men and women with more courage and integrity in their fingernail come back in bodybags and this is how the hero who stood next to those who didn't make it in that same foxhole, slept in that same tent or was the sole survivor of that same roadside bomb are treated? And the police pick which side again?

A gentleman of TheEye's parish observed at lunchtime that the officers should have ordered the soldiers to break ranks and then they should have turned their backs for 20 mins whilst the men 'educated' these (insert favourite phrase from the GOT's blog here) in the art of not being so (insert second favourite phrase).

In fact, I realise now that should have written this over there. Too late now. Damn.

If you are near Lincoln tomorrow at 12:15 then please go along and show your support for the lads who will be marching there.

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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Torygraph Is Back

Nicknamed the "Daily Labourgraph" on many blogs - including this one - for a while it is nice to see some resistance from within the ranks.

This is on a few other blogs now but really needs echoing here too.

An article begins:

"Gordon Brown should say 'sorry' over economy, minister says

Lord Malloch Brown, Gordon Brown's development minister, has become the first Government member to call for an explicit apology from the Prime Minister over the credit crisis."

...but the URL entertainingly is:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/gordon-brown/4961897/Gordon-Brown-is-a-cunt.html

I wonder how long it will stay that way?

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Monday, March 9, 2009

So Who Fancies A Pint, Then?

TheEye likes to see a campaign well-run. If you want to see an organisation so unbelievably useless at running one then the irony is that its the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) who can't organise a piss-up in a brewery.

Yes, the pub-saving campaign is brought to you by the same people who gave up trying to fight the smoking ban when a survey of half a dozen quaffers of murky pints of Old Badgerbaiter said that on the whole they weren't bothered either way. Hundreds of pubs then were forced to close as trade promptly fell through the floor. They are going the same way by thinking that appeasing the Government is a reasonable strategy this time as well.

The Times has investigated and thinks that at current trends Great Britain will run out of pubs by June 2037. Obviously a pointless statistical extrapolation, but it gave them a decent headline.

From that page: "CGA’s figures differ markedly from CAMRA’s - the Campaign for Real Ale (shown above in green),but by CAMRA’s own admission, its survey hasn’t been going as long, isn’t as formal, and relies on reports from volunteers at its 200 branches around the country."

Volunteers, eh? Alcohol Concern was created by the British Government in 1985 and although it pretends to be a charity it actually receives less than 1% of its income from private donations. CAMRA isn't on the taxpayers' teat so is at a massive disadvantage.

Look at the graph again and take a guess at when the smoking ban came in.

TheEye will welcome all readers to his local when they are in the area...St C already has his weekend booked for next month. A small locals bar were smoking is allowed but is so well ventilated that you'd never notice if everybody else was anyway.

No Real Ale though. Red wine or large G&T's please. Or a decent scotch.

UPDATE: After a comment on a live chat tonight TheEye wishes to clarify that it loves real ale, but real ale does not like TheEye. Half a dozen pints and it is Goodnight Vienna.

SOURCE: The Times but repeated on other blogs in different styles.

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St. Gerry of Assisi

This site is not keen on repeating well-known news stories unless there is an editorial and opinion to be added. This is also true with the ever-splendid David Vance at Biased-BBC.

Not needing to add anything else to his article this morning, TheEye is simply going to reproduce it. Please comment at will:

"You have to hand it to the BBC, they are great at grovelling to terrorists. On Today this morning, in the lead up to the big interview with IRA leader Gerry Adam, there was a helpful contribution in the "Thought for the Day" slot from the Rev Joel Edwards suggesting that the Northern Ireland peace process is Biblical in tradition. ( Blessed are the bombers...?)

Leaving aside that little theological aside, Naughtie was granted a few minutes in the august presence of Grisly Adams. True to form, his "interview" was pathetic, allowing Adams the chance to blacken the reputation of the British Army whilst piously expressing his formulaic regret at what has happened.

Naughtie COULD have asked Adams is it ever right to kill British soldiers - but he didn't since Adams would have to quality that answer. (Right for the IRA to do so, not right for others) Naughtie came across as a sycophant, afraid to put any hard questions to Adams and in that regard, on this issue, the BBC stands indicted.
"

No further comment is required. The ingrained bias of the BBC stands a mountain tall. Live-blogging of Question Time at 10:30 on Thursday as usual. See you there!

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Happy "Baron Bliss" Day

Always one for a party, and also feeling much better too, TheEye will be toasting Baron Bliss Day. Unfortunately it is only recognised in Belize but it's still got to be worth a glass of vin rouge.

Henry Edward Ernest Victor Bliss died today in 1926 and gave $2million to British Honduras. This has paid for a museum, an arts centre, a library, a nursing college, random stuff and the lighthouse where he is also buried. This was paid for by cash made trading petroleum shares - having been disinherited for once leaving a hansom cab waiting.

He called himself the "Fourth Baron Bliss of Portugal" which was a bit rich as he was actually born in Suffolk. Polio didn't help so sailing was his way to endure the pain. He saw most of the West Indies but decided that he liked the look of Belize and he enjoyed the company of the locals.

A combination of polio and food poisoning meant that he didn't ever make it ashore.

Although TheEye is feeling much better and certainly doesn't have polio or $2m to give anyone, a post to a fellow invalid seemed appropriate. RIP and fair play to you.

As an aside, there was a Municipal Election in the capital of Belize on the 4th and the Irish readers of this site will twitch that the UDP trounced the PUP - and taking control of the "Orange Walk" district.*

Enough of the miscellany. Serious posts to follow.

*United Democratic Party and People's United Party natch.

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They Do Things Differently In...Holland

Actually they seem to do things in just about the same way as is increasingly happening in the UK and the USA these days.

The "De Telegraaf" in Holland, describes* the cancellation of a big celebration party that was to be held in honour of the appointment of a new police chief in the province of South Holland - a region that has been without a police chief for the past year and a half.

The reason for cancelling? The new police chief, Teun Visscher, is white.

The Dutch Minister of Internal Affairs, Mr. Ter Horst, has also refused to give his approval to the promotion of Police Chief Visscher, stating that the choice should have been for either a woman or a black person. The minister has demanded that the Police Force of South Holland give him a guarantee that Visscher will be the "last white man to fill the top post".

This decision was made despite the fact that the province has been unable to find a black or female police officer qualified to fill the post of police chief.

The severe anti-discrimination laws of Holland apparently no longer apply to Government Ministers or their Police Force.

Is this a local aberration or a sign of the future? The Apocalypse is truly upon us.

*The article is in the local lingo.

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Ronald Reagan

"There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect."

Lady Thatcher

"If you lead a country like Britain, a strong country, a country which has taken a lead in world affairs in good times and in bad, a country that is always reliable, then you have to have a touch of iron about you."

Voltaire

"Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare."

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