The Screw Guns

Screw-Guns

Smokin' my pipe on the mountings, sniffin' the mornin' cool,
I walks in my old brown gaiters along o' my old brown mule,
With seventy gunners be'ind me, an' never a beggar forgets
It's only the pick of the Army that handles the dear little pets -- 'Tss! 'Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns -- the screw-guns they all love you!
So when we call round with a few guns, o' course you will know what to do -- hoo! hoo!
Jest send in your Chief an' surrender -- it's worse if you fights or you runs:
You can go where you please, you can skid up the trees, but you don't get away from the guns!

They sends us along where the roads are, but mostly we goes where they ain't:
We'd climb up the side of a sign-board an' trust to the stick o' the paint:
We've chivied the Naga an' Looshai, we've give the Afreedeeman fits,
For we fancies ourselves at two thousand, we guns that are built in two bits -- 'Tss! 'Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns . . .

If a man doesn't work, why, we drills 'im an' teaches 'im 'ow to behave;
If a beggar can't march, why, we kills 'im an' rattles 'im into 'is grave.
You've got to stand up to our business an' spring without snatchin' or fuss.
D'you say that you sweat with the field-guns? By God, you must lather with us -- 'Tss! 'Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns . . .

The eagles is screamin' around us, the river's a-moanin' below,
We're clear o' the pine an' the oak-scrub, we're out on the rocks an' the snow,
An' the wind is as thin as a whip-lash what carries away to the plains
The rattle an' stamp o' the lead-mules -- the jinglety-jink o' the chains -- 'Tss! 'Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns . . .

There's a wheel on the Horns o' the Mornin', an' a wheel on the edge o' the Pit,
An' a drop into nothin' beneath you as straight as a beggar can spit:
With the sweat runnin' out o' your shirt-sleeves, an' the sun off the snow in your face,
An' 'arf o' the men on the drag-ropes to hold the old gun in 'er place -- 'Tss! 'Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns . . .

Smokin' my pipe on the mountings, sniffin' the mornin' cool,
I climbs in my old brown gaiters along o' my old brown mule.
The monkey can say what our road was -- the wild-goat 'e knows where we passed.
Stand easy, you long-eared old darlin's! Out drag-ropes! With shrapnel! Hold fast -- 'Tss! 'Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns -- the screw-guns they all love you!
So when we take tea with a few guns, o' course you will know what to do -- hoo! hoo!
Jest send in your Chief an' surrender -- it's worse if you fights or you runs:
You may hide in the caves, they'll be only your graves, but you can't get away from the guns!

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The Bearded Wonder Is No More

Once a player at a reasonable level and as an ongoing keen follower of cricket, TheEye was shocked and stunned to hear today of the death of Bearders.

The Bearded Wonder, as he was known, was the number-cruncher extraordinaire. The statisticians statistician.

Bill Frindall died aged 69 after contracting Legionnaire's disease. If it happened at a hospital then there will be much fury posted on this site.

Bearders was a fixture of Test Match Special since 1966, taking over from Arthur Wrigley, the BBC's long-standing scorer. He was famous for his accuracy and statistical interjections live on air. A very good bowler when he was young, he was introduced to scoring while still at school, deputising for someone at his local club.

After spending six-and-a-half years in the RAF he was given a trial-run at the BBC of three matches, which he passed with no problem. He later worked with John Arlott, whom he mentions fondly in his 2006 autobiography, Bearders: My Life in Cricket, and Brian Johnston.

His producer at the BBC for 34 years, Peter Baxter is quoted as saying:

"When I joined in 1966 he was already there, it was his first season, and he was still there when I left so he was easily the longest serving member of the team.....he had a dry, laconic sense of humour and was very quick to spot the possible pun. Brian Johnston was another and he almost created Bill as a character; Brian needed props and Bill was a straight man for him."

Outside the TMS box he edited the pocket-sized Playfair Cricket Annual for 23 editions - the traditional add-on to the Wisden Cricketers' Almanack - and many other books. He campaigned for cricket at all levels, too, as President of British Blind Sport and he was a very active member of the Lord's Taverners since 1972.

He edited a regular "Ask Bearders" column on the BBC website where he answered some of the oddest and most obscure questions about cricket rules and statistics that TheEye has not thought to even wonder about. In fact, your humble host has been granted the honour of a reply or two on occasion for questions posed.

In 2004 he was awarded the MBE for his services to the sport, which frankly was the least he deserved.

TheEye is in mourning for a voice heard on the radio on occasions without number. God better have a decent scorebox and a reasonable league going on up there.

RIP Bearders

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The BBC Shills For Brown Yet Again

To anyone who thinks that there is no bias in the BBC - what planet are you living on? Remember that The One Eyed Son Of The Manse blagged at PMQ's that the IMF hadn't said that the UK is the worst-prepared economy in the world for recession and denied that we were in a spectacular mess.

Now read the five headlines below and spot the odd one out. There is no prize.



And some people still pay the Telly-Tax for this? You are fools.

Graphics from The Clown but Biased-BBC is your place to be for the live blog of Question Time tonight.

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"Prof Emeritus" TheEye Wishes To Make A Booking

Found via The Poor Little Greek Boy and well worth sharing.

Every had to register for something on a website? Of course you have. The "Title" dropdown is always Mr, Mrs, Miss and this strange 'Ms' thing which TheEye thinks is just a misspelling. 'Doctor' might creep in there too sometimes.

Check out the Royal Opera House's version. It's not quite as straightforward as you might think. Some particularly strange ones are:

* HRH Sultan Shah ...
* The Dowager Marchioness of ...
* Viscondessa ...

Clear distinctions are drawn between certain options. You much choose EITHER:
* The Rt Hon The Viscount
or
* The Rt Hon Viscount

Failure to close the correct option may cost you a decent seat. Proles may not appreciate the difference but others more important than you at the Opera House do. So there.

There are a good few comments on the post over at Mr. E's place. They note:
* You can book as His Excellency The French Ambassador...although there is only one in the UK.
* You can't book if you are above "Commodore" in the Royal Navy.
* The Pope can't book.
* And "Alex" entertainingly points out that you can book as "Queen" which he thinks would suit many of the audience.

It almost tempts TheEye to spend £50 on some fake title which means he can pretend to be Lord TheEye of Somewhereorother with fictitious rights to herd bridges across sheep at Christmas on a Leap Year when it's snowing. Or something.

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The case of the vanishing ships

St. C has just returned from an interesting trip to Gibraltar, land of "The Eye". The trip across The Bay was emotional to say the least.

The drinking in the town bar was even more upsetting!

The crossing was done in a venerable Type 42 frigate named after Scotland's Capital City.

We managed to overcome 30 foot waves, but some on board were left looking very green, and I for one was very worried about the creaks & groans that the old girl was making as she was stressed by some "rather sporting" weather.

The type 42s have been around for years, with the batch 3 ones being about 25 years old.

They are soon to be replaced by the wonderful Type 45. But! there is a problem. Where once there were 16 Type 42's , St. C is interested to see that only 6 of the new ones will be delivered to replace them.

We were all up in arms originally when it was announced that only 12 were to be delivered! This was then cut to 8. Oh well we cried, we've lived without Sheffield, and Coventry for long enough, and, after all, the lieing cheating politico's told us "this is a much more CAPABLE piece of equipment". Just how does "more capable" equate to "CAN BE IN TWO PLACES AT ONCE"! A ship is a ship. It covers a small bit of water, or transports people to a single location where they are needed.

Ask any jolly jack tar, and he'll tell you that the Navy has shrunk past the point of no retun. Skills are being lost. People are spending all their time on operations, and not getting training. It's all become rather sad!

Anyway, HMS Daring (pictured) is now doing sea trials, and is very nearly ready for St C to take his first spin in her!

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A Land Fit For Heroes?

Whilst promising to return with a more serious post, TheEye didn't think it would be this serious. There are times when the self-imposed ban on becoming a sweary blog is hard to maintain.

From the DailyLabourGraph we learn: Council blocks home for maimed marine.

Marine Joe Townsend (20) put his foot on a landmine in Afghanistan last February and it cost him both legs - one completely and one to the knee. So far so bad. But the scum who comprise Wealden District Council - who seem to have borrowed their moral compass from Adi Amin - have refused permission to build a wheelchair-friendly bungalow on land owned by his grandparents. No-one complained, but it was deemed "intrusive" and "in breach of planning laws". No exceptions allowed.

The Head of Planning and Building Control for the council, Kelvin Williams, who seems to be more slimy than a tape-worm's colostomy-bag, claims that an alternative offer of sticking a new shed on the back of the house or converting an "existing storage facility at the rear of the existing dwelling" (you can live in the garage) were adequate. No sign of the specially designed bathroom and carer's room that he now needs.

This chap is a hero and deserves better from our country.

Tell that to Kelvin Williams....

Council Offices, Pine Grove ,Crowborough, East Sussex TN6 1DH
Tel: 01892 602402 Fax: 01892 602220
Email: planning@wealden.gov.uk
Email: works@wealden.gov.uk

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When Raccoons Attack

There are some newspapers that only bring you the news you really need to read. The Austrian Times is not one of them.

We learn the invaluable revelation that Raccoon Bites Off Perverts Penis.

Nope, not making this stuff up.

A raccoon has bitten off a pervert's penis as he was trying to rape the animal.
Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified animal.
"When I saw the raccoon I thought I'd have some fun," he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.
Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.
"He's been told they can get things working again but they can't sew back on what the raccoon bit off.
"That's gone forever so there isn't going to be much for them to work with," said one friend.

Riiiiiiight. It's one way to become famous, we guess.

Serious blogging will be resumed as from the next post but this one couldn't be allowed to slip by.

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Northern Ireland: Positive And Negative

TheEye declares himself a friend of Her Majesty's loyal subjects in Northern Ireland - who have repeatedly expressed via the ballot box that the wish of the majority is to stay within the Union.

On this point, there is an excellent article over on ConservativeHome by Tony Sharp arguing against the proposed £12k compensation for families of terrorist scum. Make it a commitment to read it - it's brilliantly and eloquently argued - well worth your time. David Vance on ATW also doesn't take any prisoners (no pun intended) on the same subject.

However on the less edifying side, the Royal Ulster Constabulary (or the Police Service Of Northern Ireland as we apparently now have to call them) face a bill of £400 million because 22,000 former and serving officers are sueing for hearing loss.

This is because of firearms training in the 1970's and 1980's when apparently they weren't offered ear defenders on shooting ranges. There is a minimum £15,000 payout for hearing damage.

And how much did that so-called "Bloody Sunday Inquiry" cost us again?

Hat-tip to the Daily LabourGraph although it's not online so no link.

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The EU - Can We Leave Yet, Please?

This story is featured on several blogs, including TheEye's regular reads of The Lone Voice and Old Holborn. Both give the hat-tip to Raedwald.

The EU has decided that we are all criminals now and these "crimes" will put British subjects on an EU subversives list.

This EU Council decision of 20th January [PDF] on the establishment of a pan-EU 'criminal' database includes these 'offences'. TheEye offers a running total of personal sins.

* Offences related to waste
We threw out the remains of a seven-day old Chinese takeway this morning. (+1)
* Unintentional environmental offences
The Chinese takeaway doesn't count, but the flatulence does (+2)
* Insult of the State, Nation or State symbols
Ooops, the graphic on this post will count (+3)
* Insult or resistance to a representative of public authority
The EU can go screw themselves. Sideways. With a horse. (+4)
* Public order offences, breach of the public peace
I'd love this blog to count as a breach of the peace but can't claim this one (=4)
* Revealing a secret or breaching an obligation of secrecy
My flatmate steals my toothpaste and thinks I don't know (+5)
* Unintentional damage or destruction of property
The destination of the rejected takeaway was intentionally damaged so can't claim (=5)
* Offences against migration law—an "Open category" (offences undefined thus all encompassing)
Knowing an illegal immigrant...got me on this too (+6)
* Offences against military obligations—an "Open category" (offences undefined thus all encompassing)
That bloke went AWOL from the British Army...aaargh...two for one! (+7)
* Unauthorised entry or residence
And moved to another EU country to escape...three for three! (+8)
* Other offences—an "Open category" (offences undefined thus all encompassing)
Technically this is All Of The Above but I'm only claiming the AWOL guy once (+9)
* Other unintentional offences
Finding an office pen in your pocket when you get home? (+10)
* Prohibition from frequenting some places
TheEye was once barred from a specific pub for the crime of resigning (+11)
* Prohibition from entry to a mass event
Does that pub count as a mass event on a Friday night? (+12)
* Placement under electronic surveillance ("fixed or mobile"—e.g., home, car, mobile phone etc)
Unknown, so giving this no score (=12)
* Withdrawal of a hunting / fishing license
Withdrawal of hunting happened to the entire UK. Bonus points? But still just (+13)
* Prohibition to play certain games/sports
If you regard hunting as a sport then we are comfortably one up again (+14)
* Prohibition from national territory
Given TheEye's politics, Cuba looks dodgy but never tried hence no point (=14)
* Personal obligation—an "Open category" (offences undefined thus all encompassing)
No bloody idea what this means. (=14)
* "Fine"—all fines, inc. minor non-criminal offence
No, but that's only because TheEye hasn't been caught never paying the Telly-Tax. In fairness that deserves a point in all conscience (+15)

WHAT? TheEye has never been in front of The Beak and has no intention of doing so. But 15 ways of getting on this list already?

Can we leave yet, please?

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Another Victory For The Gipper

TheEye refused to blog on the love-fest that the MSM and especially the BBC had with the anointing of the Obamessiah.

It's still possible not to break that pledge by just reporting that the inauguration of The One was watched by 37.8 million Americans. The Reagan inauguration in 1981 was watched by 41.8 million.

Well done to The Gipper (R.I.P.) Strangely the BBC missed this story, but several blogs are now running with it as well as this one. Truth will out.

In the current economic mess you can't help but recall him saying many years ago: "Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his."

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All Seeing Eye Curses US Dollar

TheEye advised visitors that blogging would be erratic or incoherent this weekend as St. Crispin and myself were going to be sharing a beerage with a wide variety of the denizens of Gibraltar. This has turned out to be accurate.

Just after lunchtime was the hour of TheEye's awakening.

Therefore TheEye is indebted to The Croydonian for emailing in a story which is just about as appropriate for here as it's possible to be. Via a regular read for both of us, Pravda tells us: All Seeing Eye Curses US Dollar.

"From the very beginning the U.S. dollar has been having some kind of destructive influence on the world's financial system. The people, who created first U.S. dollar notes, placed some mystical signs and symbols on them. The financial crisis may force the USA to issue a new currency because of those signs."

Via verious other rambling nonsense about The Great Satan, we are offered the marvellously unbiased and rational view that:

"It is not actually difficult to find reasons to change the U.S. currency. For example, a union between Mexico, the USA and Canada can be created instead of the USA. This union will be based on the new currency called Amero, - says Alexander Baranov. The situation will be the same as in Europe."

The insanity continues...

"Everyone is aware of the sign depicted on the back of the 1-dollar-note - the all-seeing eye. Many sacred books including the Koran say that one of the distinctive features of Antichrist include the following: "It has one eye which looks like a grape berry."

Your humble host wishes to make it clear that you are not reading the scribblings of the Antichrist here. Just so you're clear on that one.

"Any changes in the U.S. currency system will lead to changes in other countries. The signs, the symbols and even the size of U.S. dollar notes indicate the terrifying role that the dollar may play soon."

Oh dear, what has your humble host started in motion? Ooops, sorry. Destruction of a world-dominating economy. Won't happen again.

The un-named Pravda nutcase concludes:

"The fact that the width of the note makes exactly 66.6 millimeters (Satan's number) may seem to be the most striking one. It is worthy of note that the all-seeing eye appears on Ukraine's 500-hryvna note too."

Hat-tip again to Mr. C for the tip on a day when a combination of no blogging, bed and headache-tablets seemed the easiest way forward.

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Guns and Laptops...Marvellous!

It would amaze TheEye if the Auburn Plainsman newspaper from Alabama wasn't on everyone's daily read list, so you won't have missed their Nov12-18 Crime Report via the Auburn Department of Public Safety.

Compare and contrast all of the reports:

Nov. 12, Hudson Terrace - Burglary reported. One pair of Nike Air Force One shoes reported stolen.

Nov. 12, Ross Street - Burglary reported. One HP 2700 series laptop reported stolen.

Nov. 15, University Apartments - Burglary reported. One HP desktop, one HP 19-inch flatscreen monitor and one laptop carrier reported stolen.

Nov. 16, Lemans Square Apartments - Burglary reported. One Remington M597 22-caliber semi-automatic rifle reported stolen.

Nov. 16, Gentilly Trailer Park - Burglary reported. 20 DVDs and 50 Adderall tablets reported stolen.

Bloody hell, crime 4 might seem a bit out of place at first glance, but every crime was tech kit and guns? Sounds like myyyy kinda town.

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Exclusive: Dog Bites Man

It's taken a while, but finally the ultimate headline..."Dog Bites Man".

The increasingly pointless Daily LabourGraph, which TheEye purchases now purely for the crossword, announces on a Jug-Eared-Bloke-Is-Now-Leader-Of-Free-World and Rockets-Fired-At-Israel-Shocker day that "Chirac Bitten By Pet Dog".

Apparently he was "violently bitten" by his white Maltese dog 'Sumo', which is named, according to the DT, after the "Japanese wresting discipline".

Spellchecker not working well, then.

"It is unclear where Mr Chirac was bitten" it seems, but if this photo gives anyone any ideas then shame on your dirty minds.

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A Dark Day For Humanity

It's truly unbelievable. Why isn't every news channel leading with the most important story of the month? Nay, the year! Decade!

The man who invented the doner kebab has died.

Mahmut Aygun, was suffering from cancer and died in Berlin at the age of 87.

Known as the "kebab king" he was born in Turkey and moved to Germany at the age of 16 to open a snack stall. He invented the doner kebab nearly 40 years ago.

Kebab meat, consisting of roast lamb and spices, had traditionally been served with rice but in a moment of inspiration Mr Aygun saw that the future lay in putting the meat inside a pitta bread.

That allowed customers who had been drinking to wander off into the night with their food and eat it as they stumbled home.

Mr Aygun once said: "I thought how much easier it would be if they could take their food with them."

The first of the new snacks was served on March 2, 1971, at Hasir, his restaurant in Berlin.

It was called a doner kebab after the Turkish word "dondurmek" which means a rotating roast.

Mr Aygun went on to invent the yoghurt sauce often served with a doner kebab or the "yeah-stick-loads-of-the-garlicy-stuff-on-as-well" as it is known to TheEye.

RIP Mahmut Aygun.

Now, back to ignoring the television....

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Are You Qualified To Operate That Spoon, Sir?

Via The Lone Voice and originally from The Mail we learn that coastguards must now fill out a health and safety questionnaire before going out to save lives.

Called a 'Vehicle Pre-Journey Risk Assessment', this marvellous way of getting people unnecessarily dead requires a "reason for journey" and an assessment of current and predicted weather conditions. After detailing 'actions taken to mitigate risk' a Yes or No is required as to whether the risk is 'acceptable'. The weather conditions bit is odd as this applies to rescues involving land-rovers.

This is not the start of the insanity.

In November 2008, coastguards were told that they can no longer use flares during night-time rescue missions as they could 'cause considerable injury'. Despite actually being the best tool for the job, they have been replaced with torches. Why not use candles? Or apathetic glow-worms?

In August 2008, a three-man coastguard crew from Devon were disciplined because they rescued a 13-year-old girl using a boat that had not been passed by elf'n'safety Nazis - and she had been only 150 yards out at sea.

Some spokesweasel from the Maritime and Coastguard Agency spouted an official "it's all for their own benefit" line, but it's too pathetic to waste electrons on in any detail. TheEye doesn't think he'll be laughing when he needs assistance and these heroes are delayed filling out his precious forms.

The Lone Voice puts it in a more sweary way, which TheEye thoroughly enjoys, but don't repeat what has just occured here - open his site and find a naked full frontal of Jade Goody as his top article in the office....with your female boss standing unexpectedly right behind you.

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Bring Back The Death Penalty

The three men in the picture are scum. If we had the death penalty again (which the EU won't allow us to under laws we've signed up to) I'd pull the lever myself.

They threw caustic soda on a mentally retarded girl after repeatedly raping her for two hours. She was left in a coma. Sixteen years old with a mental age of eight and they recorded it on their mobiles.

Rogel McMorris (18) got nine years for rape and grievous bodily harm. Jason Brew (19) - both from Tottenham - got six years and Hector Muaimba (20) from Walthamstow, was given eight years for rape and robbery.

These sentences are a disgrace. An insult. A smack in the face.

The BBC ran the story with this picture although avoided use of the word "black" or "white" and said:

Det Con Alex Newton said it was the biggest rape case Haringey police had dealt with. A lack of co-operation by the community made it extremely difficult to investigate, she added."It doubled the amount of work to really get to the bottom of it and I don't think we ever really will," she said.

Remember that we pay the Police Force to do these investigations and the BBC to inform us. Both are steering clear of stepping on racially sensitive toes. It's a surprise the BBC ran the photographs.

UPDATE: David Vance on A Tangled Web has run with this too. Only just seen it but he beat us to the story.

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Coronation Of The Jug-Eared Saviour Of Humanity

The Miraculous Coming of the Obamessiah is being greeted with damp knickers by the BBC and much of the MSM.

If you are a retard, why not get an Osama inauguration tattoo to celebrate?

At least because he's being sworn in with his full name by a nutcase chaplain, leftists won't be able to moan when he's called "B Hussein" any more.

TheEye was in the invidious position during the US Presidential Election of wanting *everybody* to lose. Whilst trying to avoid the televisual and newspaper wank-a-thon, TheEye will commiserate with the 58 million Americans who voted for the other bloke.

We're all doomed, so there will be no further blogging from here about this disaster.

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The Israeli Elections

It must be said that The Croydonian is a sound cove, and an excessive quaffing of alcohol with him would strike anyone as a night well spent. TheEye hasn't enjoyed one yet but intends to do so as soon as possible.

However Mr C has a post on his site today concerning how we all might vote in an election in Israel. Although unclear, his is the first graphic which shows a centerist arrow. TheEye in the second graphic has the arrow top-right.

To quote from Mr C: It is another one of those nifty 'how should I vote?' Electoral Compasses, care of those nice people at the Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam.

Our top blogging Man Of The Moment observes: Unsurprisingly, it thinks I should vote for the Likud, which is what I would do anyway. Can't say I spend a huge amount of time doing the test, so on another day I might come out more hawkish.

More hawkish, Mr. C? Probably. However seems that TheEye has apparently registered a willingness to slaughter the first born in their cots. That was not the intention but some of the questions were very twisted in favour of a preferred response.

Not a fair survey but an interesting one.

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Here We Go Again: Falklands Edition

There continues to be speculation in the British Press that HMS Endurance could be scrapped.

Two articles and a paragraph or two quoted from The News (Portsmouth's unoriginally named daily newspaper)

"HMS Endurance May Be A Total Write-Off"

"The navy is considering scrapping HMS Endurance because of the damage she sustained in a flood, The News can reveal.....

and here in a different article "Endurance Fears Worry Islanders":........

"People on the islands are worried because HMS Endurance plays a big psychological role. Always on people's minds is what happened when the last HMS Endurance was going to be taken out of service – shortly after that Argentina invaded.

Cllr Mike Summers has now given an interview to the Falklands News, saying, amongst other things:

The Navy have been very, very clear, I think, to say in their public pronouncements that no decision of any sort has been made about the ENDURANCE. That leads us, obviously to think that there is a distinct possibility that the Navy might try to NOT repair the ENDURANCE if they regard it as too expensive, or not replace it. And, from our prospective that would be a very bad move indeed. We all know – the historians all know – the Foreign Office knows – the Navy knows what happened in 1982 when the wrong signals were sent to the Argentines about the withdrawal of the ENDURANCE. And, we certainly would not want that sort of thing to happen again.

...it has tried in the past to say that the ENDURANCE is not part of their central defence commitment – it’s really an agency of the British Antarctic Survey and the Foreign Office - so – “Why should we be paying for it – Let’s get rid of it.” That has been thought in the past by agencies of the British Government. But I have little doubt – to be honest with you – that those same arguments will take place again – that the Navy will say – “We can’t afford to repair this thing – we suggest we get rid of it.”

The next time that TheEye blogs on this subject, it needs to be good news. Otherwise there will be swearing and much fury.

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Land This One If You Can, Mr Brown

Picture and text borrowed from Curly's Corner Shop due to its excellence. It appears to be his original work and his site, although occasionally parochial to South Shields, is well worth checking out.

Unfortunately 155 politicians survived

The captain said that the failure of the Economy and it’s subsequent crash may have been caused by a “bird like strike” into the engines by MPs who refused to give up their liking for the mile high life and refused to allow others to see what the greedy sods were spending.

“I have always maintained that the Economy was well placed to weather the storm, but on this occasion I admit that this has not been a miraculous escape” said Capt. Brown, unfortunately the budget airline now appears ready to remove him from office after it was alleged that he misrepresented the airworthiness of the Economy and deliberately attempted to save the skins of 155 Labour MPs closest to him instead of the millions of other passengers that the airline was responsible for.

A spokesman for the company agreed that:

“the Economy is not in the best possible shape at all, we are sorry that we appear to be lumbering under European regulation, and our operations are being hampered by a growing debt problem, we are trying to borrow more to get us out of the water. Right now it appears as though we are sinking, drowning in debt!”

Very good.

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Aussie Sub Commander In Hot Water

There were three options for the picture to go with this article; Commander Tom Phillips (Royal Australian Navy), his submarine HMAS Farncomb, or a girl in a bikini.

A no-brainer for your genial hosts

Our gallant commander is quoted in an interview with Australian men's mag Ralph saying that that the submariner equivalent of the "mile-high club" for people having sex on planes is the "going down club".

Asked "if female sailors all had to be hot and had to wear bikinis, would that help recruitment?", Cmdr Phillips said: "It would certainly get the right demographic of young men in."

Australia's navy has a recruitment crisis and had to stand down for two months over Christmas due to lack of available sailors. The navy last year said it had only enough sailors to man half its six-boat fleet of Collins-class submarines.

Of course it was all said in a light-hearted way but the usual busybodies have spotted a bandwagon so he'll probably get an aggressive finger-wagging from an Admiral who secretly agrees. Politicians and general hand-wringers are piling in left right and centre already.

The full article (website very NSFW) isn't going to be published until Monday, but it's fair to guess that the juicy comments have been leaked to drum up publicity and there won't be much more.

Currently the online poll "Have You Ever Had Sex On A Submarine?" is 7 to 32 votes against.

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"Most Advanced Warship In The World" Apparently - Welcome

Well, its taken six years to construct but HMS Daring, first of the Type45 destroyers have left Scotstoun for Portsmouth for sea trials before entering service next year. The crew have been on board since 2006.

Built in Labour voting constituencies the Clyde shipyards, the project has ploughed £6 billion into the Labour local community, safeguarded an estimated 2000 Labour voters' jobs and saved a few marginal constituencies Glasgow's shipbuilding industry.

Captain Paul Bennett, the destroyer's commanding officer, said: "For some of Daring's crew, Glasgow has been their home for almost three years and it has been a great place to be stationed."

Poor bastards. I bet it was cold.

Six of these bits of kit are lined up, with two more "awaiting Government approval" which means they are due to be canceled after the next election because the votes will already have been counted.

UPDATE: They were officially canceled on 18th June 2008. Sorry.

Originally air defence ships were planned to be built under the 8 nation NFR-90 project which later became the Horizon Common New Generation Frigate programme with France and Italy. The CNFG collaboration fell apart in April 1999 when France and Italy cited structural flaws in the design....a lack of reverse gears and insufficiently large storage space for white flags.

Still, it'll help keep the Red Flag flying in a couple more places come the election.

Full tech spec on Wikipedia, although too much metric stuff for TheEye to want to read.

UPDATE2: If this is supposed to be a Next Generation warship, are the lot after that going to be called "Voyager"? (Only Trekkies need apply for this joke)

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This Is Where Your Cash Goes

TheEye is delighted to note the birthday of David Vance today. A Tangled Web as usual has a post on his site which couldn't be improved by redrafting so it will be reproduced as it stands:

Interesting to read that an English council is planning to spend up to £500,000 building a noise barrier beside a dual carriageway after a group of travellers aka gypsies complained about the sound of passing vehicles and abuse from motorists. Around 50 people who have moved onto the camp beside the A14 near Milton in Cambridgeshire say their lives are being made a misery by the constant rumble of traffic. Oh no - the poor things. Shall we have whip round for them - maybe buy them some nice BOSE noise reducing headphones? The Council who plan this lunatic abuse of rate-payers money is run by CONSERVATIVES. So there you have it folks, the politicians - right and left - are a homogenous mess who just enjoy wasting your cash.

TheEye despairs, but tips the non-corporeal hat to David. Happy birthday.

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TheEye Has A Rival

Being a non-corporeal entity TheEye usually laughs in the face of challengers. This eye-related story, however, oversteps the mark.

From the never-to-be-ignored Austrian Times: Kung Fu eyeballs a sight to see.

"A Chinese man claims to have the toughest eyeballs in the world after finding he could pour sand on them or poke them with sticks without feeling any pain.

Xiang Chen from the Hunan province has even developed a giant paintbrush that he sticks to his eyes with a sucker that he then grips with his eyelids - and then uses his eye muscles to write letters.

Chen, 34, said: "I found out my eyes were different to others when I was 16. A friend had a grain of sand in his eyes and was crying. I thought he was being a baby and after a row I put a handful of sand over my eyes - and it didn't hurt at all.

"I have even tried poking sticks into my eyes but all I feel is a minor itchy sensation - it actually felt rather relaxing and I advised others to try it," he added.

He now has a specially made paintbrush for his "eye writing" - a specially made 1.65m brush that weighs 2kg without ink.

When soaked with ink it can reach a weight of 10kg. He said: "Others may feel uncomfortable or painful trying to grip the brush with their eyelids, but for me it is just a simple eye exercise."

He is also learning to play the piano - using a stick clamped in his eye - and can let pals write on his eyeballs as well without blinking.

Doctors meanwhile have checked Chen's eyes and say are perfectly normal, and are puzzled as to how he can manage to ignore the pain he should feel from his stunts."

So, an arm-wrestling contest then, Chen?

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RIP: Number 6

It's not a regular day when two icons find their way into the obituary columns with a depressing suddeness. A tribute to the marvelous Sir Dai "Lock Up Your Daughters" Llewellyn, Bt will follow. So much of his outrageous life will be told in legend for decades to come.

However TheEye has odd political views and today mourns the passing of Patrick McGoohan. Known to all of us as The Prisoner, he took on the directorship of his brainchild towards its end to push his own libertarian message. He hit 80, which is a fair innings in anyone's scorebook, although didn't have to endure the supposed Hollywood remake of his groundbreaking story. He'd have hated it, as would every true fan.

You can't beat Portmeirion, can you, Number Six?

He won two Emmy Awards, although seperated by 16 years, for working on We're-Going-To-Tell-You-The-Murderer-Right-At-The-Start "Columbo" featuring that bloke in the dirty raincoat.

He also got a BAFTA for best television actor in The Greatest Man In The World, starred as Danger Man, and played Edward Longshanks in Braveheart. TheEye hated Braveheart. Married for 57 years (and how many people can say that these days) he had three daughters.

TheEye is going to dig out those old Prisoner DVDs because it's times like this with ID cards, DNA databases and goodness-knows-what that we all need to remember I AM NOT A NUMBER. I AM A FREE MAN!

TheEye may watch V For Vendetta again today. With what this government is doing at the moment, these things are a wakeup call for all.

RIP Patrick McGoohan.

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Ghurkas to be cut from ORBAT

Oh dear, what have they done?

It was always inevitable that if the Ghurkas won parity with other British troops in pay & conditions, that they would be on the slippery slope to being disbanded.

Simply put, they are only cheaper than indigenous british troops if they are paid at the lower T&C's, when paid the same, they turn out more expensive on a 1 for 1 comparison.

So I'm afraid that a few get will get what lots of people see is equal right, but at the cost of several generations of "Ghurkas that never where".

For those of you that don't know, the Ghurka is paid on a scale that was used to allow commanding officers in far flung regions of the world to recruit & pay local troops (read mercenaries).

Ghurka troops are brave, but they are not as effective pound for pound as locally recruited ones. Sadly with the recession coming, recruiting for the army will go up in this country, and we may not need the 3500 ghurkas.

The lesson to be learned. There is a balance to everything, and upsetting it is done at a cost.

St C would love to see the Ghurkas kept just out of tradition, but so much else has gone by the wayside because of the last few governments (both colours) pursuit of cost savings, that I fear they will go too.

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Your 100 Year Time Machine

Some ideas that were widely held 100 or 200 years ago now seem shocking or barbaric today. Often we congratulate ourselves for thinking that we are so much more enlightened than our parents. But it seems unlikely that we've somehow reached the end of this process: I would guess that in 100 years, our descendants will look back at us just like we look back at people 100 years ago.

So here's the question: What are the ideas or practices that are uncontroversial and widely accepted today — and that you personally find unobjectionable — that you think might be seen as barbaric or immoral one hundred years from now? Ideas or practices that you personally find barbaric or immoral today aren't eligible. You can't just predict that some day the world will realize you were right and that your minority opinion will become majority opinion. Think of things that you actually don't find all that objectionable that you can imagine being seen as immoral or otherwise outrageous a century from now.

Eating meat, maybe?

This great meme is slightly adapted from volokh.com

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TheEye and St Crispin On The Loose

St Crispin and TheEye will be getting together for a few ceremonial pink gins and an exchange of gripping yarns in Gibraltar between the 22nd and 25th of January. We don't get together as often as we'd like, so the beerage intake opportunity will not be wasted.

Any fellow bloggers, contributors, readers and random guests are very welcome to break bread with us. Doubtless Casemates Square will feature on the agenda at some stage.

Blogging is expected to be light/slurred/incoherent during this period.

Please express interest and leave some contact details in the Comments if you are in that part of the Empire. A very warm welcome is guaranteed from both of us.

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Save The "Sea Kittens"

The Animal 'Rights' nutcases have been active in Europe for a while but not quite to the fruitcake level seen in the US. The Sinn Fein to their I.R.A. is PETA (People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals).

They've just launched their most nutty campaign yet: demanding fish be renamed "sea kittens". They think that calling fish "sea kittens" will make sea food less appealing.

It wants to change the image of fish as slimy and slithery creatures by claiming they are similar to cuter, more popular animals. "Would people think twice about ordering fish sticks if they were called sea kitten sticks?" PETA asks on its website (no link provided to the nutcases from here).

You can't make this stuff up.

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RIP - Bill Stone

British WWI veteran dies aged 108

I was sad (but not supprised) to see that one of the last surviving WW1 veterans had died.

Bill Stone served his country in 2 world wars. Thank you Bill.

There is a lot of commentary about saying that the youth of today would not rise to the demands that Bill's era did, or those of the 30's \ 40's. Well let me give you some cheer. I've met the young guys serving on the frontline today, and despite being the playstation generation, they are as dedicated as I was (possibly more). The are facing hard, dangerous, and challenging missions, and they are rising to those challenges superply.

There is always hope!

St C.

UPDATE: Thank you St Crispin...I was intending to do a similar post today but you reacted faster than me. RIP Bill Stone (TheEye).
UPDATE2: Picture added (TheEye).

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Bank Holiday Monday: Gibraltar Style

Some readers of TheEye and St Crispin reside in Gibraltar, and they will be snoozing this morning. Or down the pub early.

Maybe both.

Why? Because a few years ago Gib took the EU to court in a battle to maintain the right of the Gibraltar Parliament to set its own tax rates as it saw fit. The European Commission (basically the Spanish influence) didn't like this and declared it illegal, saying that the tax rate had to be identical to that of the United Kingdom.

The rumble of tanks at the border has been heard before; both metaphorically and literally.

The European Court of First Instance disagreed with Spain in November and as a sign of celebration (plus two fingers to the Spaniards) First Minister Peter Caruana declared a one-off Bank Holiday today on 12th Jan to mark the fact that Gibraltar can do...well..what it's always been allowed to do anyway - set its own tax without EU interference.

Today Gibraltarians slumber for the day whilst the UK works because Gib successfully stuck a finger up at the EU. Is there a lesson for us all here?

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PC Nonsense from Bristol City Council

It takes a lot to shock TheEye, but occasionally a state of gibbering apoplexy can be induced. The example-du-jour comes courtesy of Bristol County Council via Bristol Dave (a sweary blog so a health warning for tender souls).

TheEye can't better the prose, so is going to reproduce it in all and then sob quietly. Dave's comments are in blue, TheEye in red, and the Council in black. Swearwords blanked here on this reproduction.

From our old friends at, of course, Bristol City Council - here.
This is a guide on arranging "accessible" meetings, and is, in short, f***ing hilarious.
The checklist at the beginning gives an idea of what we'll encounter:

A variety of food including food traditional to Black and other minority ethnic communities.
Curry, and fried chicken and watermelon at BCC meetings? Wicked, count me in!
First, we start with the usual wheel-chair friendly bollocks:

The venue has either ramped, level or lift access to all meeting areas All door widths are at least 860mm wide. (900mm is preferred)
TheEye can't be bothered to work out what this is in proper Imperial measurements and leaves it as an exercise for the student. Suffice it to say that TheEye doesn't know or care.
(I think this is fatty-friendly as well?) Then it gets a bit more ridiculous:

Public transport is within an appropriate distance, eg 500m to a bus route. Yeah, good luck with that in Bristol.
Ah, Imperial measurements! 500 miles seems a little harsh though.
Then a bit more PC creeps in:

Cultural and religious requirements are taken into account. Ensure meetings or refreshment areas are not in areas with bars serving alcohol.
Nice to see that the religious nutters have BCC by the bollocks, as usual.

Ensure that there is are clear signs informing people with a hearing impairment that there is a loop system and how to use it.
So presumably there is an implication there has to be a "loop system" installed in every meeting venue?

Do not use all capital letters on signs because this makes the sign inaccessible to visually impaired people. Use lower case eg Toilet, Exit, etc.Really? Really? Are you sure about that, BCC? Because to me, it just sound like steaming bull**it. So now you're saying visually impaired people can't cope anywhere that has all capital letters?

Ensure signs are no higher than 1400-1700mm.
Hmm, metricy EU nonsense again. This may be of Eiffel Tower proportions for all we know.
Oh yeah, for the wheelchairs. The specific measurements though, imply you should carry a tape measure to every meeting. Then it just turns farcical:

It is good practice to provide picture signs where possible, eg for fire escapes. Use pictures of both men and women in picture signs.
Seriously, men and women? So the "man" symbol on a sign isn't enough to just mean "person"? For fuck's sake.

Signs should be placed on seats near the front to reserve places for Deaf people and people with Usher Syndrome. This will enable them to easily access the interpreter.
Usher Syndrome? Is that like "Bride or Groom"? Oh, OK. But of course, they can't be "grouped" with deaf people, can they?

Where appropriate ensure translated signs are provided. As good practice, a welcome sign in different languages makes a positive statement that the service welcomes Black and ethnic minority people.
So does this mean you should have translators for the meeting as well? Or just translate the signs? Seems a bit pointless really.

Allow spaces for wheelchair users, and disperse amongst the other seating.
Oh, of course, you couldn't have them all sitting together, could you? That would be disablist.

Provide a variety of seating including back/neck support and padded chairs.
Seriously? I don't think I've ever been to a conference centre in the real world that has these kind of facilities.

Some cultural groups may require separate seating arrangements for men and women..
Yeah, medieval ones. Fuck 'em, they can sort that out between themeselves, surely?

Allocate rooms/areas for plenary sessions, workshops, refreshments, rest area/room, creche, exhibitions and registration.
Since we're not American, this really does just mean somewhere people can go for a rest, doesn't it. Christ on a bike.

The Equalities and Social Inclusion Team have loop system available, free of charge They're called something even better now, the Equalities and Community Cohesion Team.
You couldn't make this sh*t up, could you? And pray tell, what the fu*k the name change was in aid of? What did it achieve?

Buffets are inaccessible to people with a visual impairment and some other Disabled people, offer one to one assistance.
Would you like some cheese? Maybe some ham? Simper, simper.

Consult with representatives of your targeted audience or the Equalities Team to ensure the programme includes an equalities perspective.
Ahhh, so that's basically what this team does. Sounds very valuable, and not at all a waste of taxpayer's money. Then it starts to get even less "equal".

Ensure all Disabled participants can claim and be paid travel expenses in cash at the event.
Fuck**g hell. So not only are travel expenses seemingly only paid to Disabled people and not able-bodied people, but they get it in cash!! When does BCC pay anyone anything in cash?!?

The personal assistant should be introduced at the beginning of the meeting and should wear a name badge or a badge saying ‘personal assistant’. Invite Disabled people to use the personal assistant if she/he needs help in getting refreshments or removing empty coffee cups, holding papers, or needs someone to push their wheel chair.
I think "Personal Bitch" would be more appropriate.

Ensure that non-disabled people at the event are aware not to use the personal assistant.
But it's only the Disabled people's bitch. Know that, evil able-bodied people.

Ensure that tea, coffee, herbal teas, de-caffeinated coffee, and water/juice is available to participants throughout the event. Artificial sweeteners, as an alternative to sugar, should also be available.
Seriously, when was the last time you saw anything other than a tea urn and a coffee urn at a meeting? Herbal tea is presumably for the Equalities Team.

Publicity information for participants should be in clear, simple English and use positive images. People will be more likely to attend if they see themselves reflected in photographs and images. For example, include Disabled people, Black and other minority ethnic people, and women etc.
Ahhhh so that's the thinking behind every photo on every council bit of literature.
This, people, is what Bristol City Council see as "worthy" expenditure of your Council Tax. Paying for people to do this, and think up policies like this.
Fuck**g hell. Somehow the planned 3.5% increase in Council Tax seems just that little bit more with it, doesn't it.

Give me strength.

TheEye thoroughly enjoyed the excellent fisking and hopes that you do too.

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Where The Money Goes: Scottish Edition

In Tales-Of-The-Blindingly-Obvious type news, readers will be unsurprised to discover that Scotland is poised to become the third most state-dependent country in the world, with only Cuba and Iraq spending more on public services.

By 2012, public spending is expected to rise to 67 per cent of Scotland's gross domestic product (GDP).

The communist regime in Cuba spends just over 80 per cent of its GDP on public services, while in Baghdad the figure is 87 per cent.

A report yesterday by the Centre for Economics and Business Research shows that the Scots are royally stuffing English taxpayers and says that the growing public sector north of the border is unsustainable. Naaaaah, surely we haven't been saying that for years. And years.

Under the Barnett formula, which is used to load Scotland's public spending budget, they now receive £1,644 more per head than English taxpayers.

"Lord" Barnett, the Labour peer (not a proper one, just one of those Life thingies) who rigged the system 30 years ago, said ages ago that it was only intended to be a temporary measure and that he was amazed it had gone on for so long. He's often called for the formula to be changed or abandoned and said the latest study backed that up. Fine, you created the mess and now you want to look like a hero by saying that it was a crap idea all along. Marvellous.

He said successive governments had failed to deal with the issue "for fear of upsetting the Scots". This, of course, is code for 'losing Labour seats in Scotland' and 'never getting a Tory seat north of the border ever again'. Liberals need not apply for entry to this paragraph for obvious reasons.

Barnett claimed that Alex Salmond is using the extra money on populist projects as part of a strategy to make the English demand separation from Scotland. TheEye is regrettably buying in to this - although a strong Unionist by instinct, the urge to tell those north of Hadrian's Wall to make a mess of their own lives with their own cash is very strong.

A House of Lords select committee began looking into the Barnett formula last month.

The CEBR study puts Scotland 20th in the world league table of the highest public-spending governments, but the figure is expected to rise dramatically over the next three years.

It says that higher unemployment and a shrinking private sector means the country will become more reliant on public spending than any country with a sense of economic reality.

One of the biggest drains on taxpayers' money is the public sector wage bill: a whopping £12 billion. Welfare payments last year came to a staggering £16 billion.

David Vance from the most excellent Tangled Web and Biased-BBC blogs has been known to stroll via this parish from time to time, and has a great interest in matters Northern Ireland. TheEye will check on a memory that NI actually benefits from Barnett more per head than Scotland, but would appreciate the voice of an expert in the Comments.

UPDATE: David at A Tangled Web is already there with the same story.
UPDATE2: David's "Scotland The Grave" headline is much better than this one.

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Shoot Us All Now: The Chocolate Edition

Cadbury, Britain's most famous chocolate maker, has decided to warn chocolate lovers that its product contains: milk.

The latest Dairy Milk wrappers feature a logo showing a glass and a half of milk being poured into a chocolate chunk, put milk first in a list of ingredients and explains that there is "The equivalent of three quarters of a pint of milk of fresh liquid milk in every half pound of milk chocolate".

But Cadbury says it is also necessary to print warnings in capital letters in yellow boxes saying "CONTAINS: MILK" in case people who are allergic to milk do not realise that there is milk in Cadbury Dairy Milk bars.

Cadbury is printing similar warnings on bars of Cadbury Dairy Milk Whole Nut.

Those warnings say: "CONTAINS: NUTS, MILK." Wrappers on individual chunks of Cadbury Dairy Milk Whole Nut found in boxes of Cadbury Heroes repeat the warning "CONTAINS: NUTS" four times.

A Cadbury spokesweasel says that the company is complying with the law relating the presence of allergens in food.

"We are meeting legal requirements," he apparently squealed. "We want people to know that allergens are listed clearly on a warning on the back of all products."

A support group for people who are allergic to certain foods said Cadbury was going beyond the requirements of the law. No? Eh? Really, Sherlock?

Moira Austin, help line manager for the Anaphylaxis Campaign said she could understand why people would say Cadbury was "stating the blindingly obvious" or think that the "world had gone mad". Ah! An outbreak of common sense. How rare these days.

But she added: "The law requires manufacture to list allergens if they are an ingredient. It does not require these additional warnings."

"I suspect the answer is that Cadbury has a policy of listing allergens clearly on all its products - including chocolate - so that people know where to look."

Three years ago Tesco started labelling milk cartons with the warning: "Allergy Advice: Contains Milk" and bags of assorted nuts with the warning: "Allergy Advice: Contains Nuts".

The nuts aren't in the packets. Remember, we elect the people who make these rules.

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James Cleverly

TheEye isn't really given to posts like this, but St Crispin regularly breaks bread and sups ale with the London Assembly Member for Bexley and Bromley, and TheEye is a big fan. It therefore seems churlish not to break with tradition and say something nice about someone on here for a change.

Don't get used to it.

A couple of days ago Boris announced James' new role as Ambassador for Young People. It's an area of long-standing interest for him and he's ideally suited for it - and in fact he was basically doing the job unofficially long before being elected anyway.

Well done James. Good to see you get recognition of the unsung work you've already done, too. It may also give you an added incentive to change the photo on your website to something which doesn't make you look like an extra from Eastenders.

Normal abuse of politicians will now be resumed.

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Tractor Stats: And You Think Brown Is Bad?

As the economy descends ever further down the toilet, one has to marvel at the brazen contempt The One Eyed Son Of The Manse has for reality.

At PMQ's and endless speeches, in a nostalgic throwback to the Soviet era we are always reminded that tractor production is up for a a record number of successive years. So predictable has this become that a great parody site exists with this very name.

But our former Soviet enemies haven't quite shaken the habit. Take this marvellously bland announcement yesterday over at The National News Agency Of Ukraine.

High Voltage Union produces 10,000th vacuum circuit breaker
KYIV, January 6 /UKRINFORM/. Rivne Plant of High-Voltage Equipment JSC (RZVA) of the Ukraine-Russia High Voltage Union Concern (West Ukraine) produced its 10,000th vacuum circuit breaker BP1, UKRINFORM correspondent reports with reference to the RZVA press-service.

These products have successfully replaced the low-oil-content analogues at hundreds of power grids of Ukraine and other countries.

Reliability and safety is proved by the All-Russian Scientific/Research Center of High Voltage Equipment in Moscow.

This, it seems, counts as important "News" in the Ukraine. Pity them all.

Don't bother going to the link because that's all it says. At least TheEye gives you pictures.

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How To Celebrate, Cambodian Style

Today is rightly a day of great celebration in Cambodia. The 7th January marks the 30th anniversary of the fall of Pol Pot and his murderous Khmer Rouge scum ('75-'79).

May they all rot in hell after being left to soak in a bath full of candiru fish for a week.

However we learn from the never-disregarded Agence Kampuchea Presse that the most exciting thing they could think of to celebrate was....build a new bridge.

Over to the impressively named Prime Minister Samdech Akka Moha Sena Padei Techo Hun Sen who presided yesterday over the inauguration ceremony of said bridge in Khan Mean Chey district of Phnom Penh.

"The ceremony was attended by senior government officials with a participation of a numbers of students and the city people. All eager volunteers, natch.

"In his speech at the ceremony, the Cambodian premier said the bridge was inaugurated at time when Cambodia was preparing for marking the 30^th anniversary of January 7 victory over Pol Pot genocidal regime.

"He pointed out that this bridge came from a great effort made by the royal government in the physical infrastructure development in the city and the rural areas, so it provided the benefit to the social economy in the country, facilitated the transportation and eased the traffic congestion in the city.

"He also clarified the appointment of Samdech Krom Preah Norodom Ranariddh as a chief advisor to His Majesty King Norodom Sihamoni, which is a high rank equivalent to prime minister, saying that his rank is as high as a salary, not as a power. Damn - sorry Samdech, old chum. Thought you were right up there, didn't you. Bugger.

"As far as traffics are concerned, he asked the motorcycle drivers and passengers on the motor to wear the helmets. The Propaganda Ministry's Google Language Translator has been iffy so far, but not bad. However their Reality Translator obviously just crashed...

"The Cambodian prime minister also asked oil-imported companies in Cambodia to lower the oil price as a gift for observing January 7 celebration of the falling of Khmer Rouge regime.

Good luck with that one, guys.

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