Wednesday, December 31, 2008

This Year Is Soooo 2008

Don't feel like waiting a few more hours for midnight and the New Year?

Check out one of the New Year's Countdown clocks here.

Residents in Kathmandu will ring in the year within the next few hours. Denizens of Bombay will do the same shortly afterwards.

Do you know a member of the Forces serving in Kabul or Bagdad? See when they will see the New Year arrive.

People in Sofia, Bulgaria, and Paris will watch the fireworks ending 2008 at these times.

Lucky holidaymakers on the Portuguese island of the Azores will celebrate 2009 roughly the time the sun sets in Oregon.

Sticklers for accuracy will, of course, feel the need to factor in that all-important extra leap year second.


UPDATE: If TheEye had a physical presence then it would have a bad head this morning.

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BlogRoll Suggestion: Tractor Stats

TheEye likes the cut of "Tractor Stats" gib. An image-oriented blog, there are some fine images - mostly political - to be enjoyed.

Not personally being adept at picture manipulation, kudos is given to those who are. This artfully done picture (under the title "To brownly go where no minister has gone before") was particularly well received as TheEye is a bit of a Trekkie on the quiet.

Also because John M Ward has surfaced in that Comments section with the excellent "What's the Scottish for a church Keptin?"

"Kirk"

Groan. Terrible and very good at the same time.

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The New Years Honours List

Almost certainly Chris Hoy is a thoroughly decent cove. He may even have a personality despite being voted BBC Sports Personality of the Year which, from the recent results, probably means the opposite.

Today he was awarded a knighthood. Eh? Why? He cycled around in a circle in Peking this year a few times. Good for him but why does that justify our Prime Mentalist telling our Queen to tap him on both shoulders with a sword?

His only real claim to fame is beating Rebecca Adlington to the 'Personality' award; a swimmer only really well known for having a nose so terrifying that if she painted it black and swam the backstroke it would convince everyone that Jaws was alive and well.

"A knighthood is a unique thing," said Hoy. No it isn't. "You can't compare it to anything else - it's something that money can't buy. You can if you are a ZanuLabour donor. Why not buy a peerage instead?

Sir Terry Pratchett deserves his knighthood for outstanding services to literature over many years, and TheEye was very upset to hear of the onset of his Altzheimers. Juliet Lyon, director of Prison Reform Trust got a CBE when in reality she should have been slowly garotted for shilling on behalf of the scum of our society.

Great people like Dennis Goodwin, chairman of the First World War Veterans' Association who was made an MBE, deserve their recognition - but their awards are degraded and sullied by the politically motivated ones mixed in amongst the 966 names announced.

It's about time we re-thought this honours farce.

UPDATE: TheEye observes that no-one in Guernsey has been honoured at all for the first time since 1998. Since then 55 people have been honoured but this year nobody makes the cut at all.

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Legalized Crucifixion By The Religion Of Peace

The Jerusalem Times gives us the following irony:

"Both Iran and its Hamas proxy in Gaza have been busy this Christmas week showing Christendom just what they think of it. But no one seems to have noticed.

On Tuesday, Hamas legislators marked the Christmas season by passing a Shari'a criminal code for the Palestinian Authority. Among other things, it legalizes crucifixion.

Hamas's endorsement of nailing enemies of Islam to crosses came at the same time it renewed its jihad. Here, too, Hamas wanted to make sure that Christians didn't feel neglected as its fighters launched missiles at Jewish day care centers and schools. So on Wednesday, Hamas lobbed a mortar shell at the Erez crossing point into Israel just as a group of Gazan Christians were standing on line waiting to travel to Bethlehem for Christmas.
"

TheEye is lost for words. Almost. Crucifixion, though? That'll go down badly on CNN.

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Happy New Year 2009

This is the first New Year for TheEye with this blog, and doubtless fellow contributor St Crispin will join in offering próspero año nuevo to all of our readers.

In the meantime, a New Year's Resolution is necessary. Please add your own in the Comments section but as far as TheEye is concerned:

Hit me at 15 and there's a 45% chance I'll survive...... Hit me at 20 and there's only an 8% chance I'll survive.

Think. Always stick on 17 or above at single deck Blackjack.

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I Yam What I Yam

No, not the plaintive cry of a potato, but the words of the most famous cartoon spinach-eater: Popeye.

Not true for much longer. In a few hours time the copyright on the sailor will expire. Our EU overlords only allow his creator, Elize Segar (who died aged 43), 70 years of rights before anyone can exploit the £1.5 billion annual revenue of Popeye, Olive Oyl and Blutto.

Fancy making Popeye t-shirts or drawing cartoon strips? Wait for a few more hours and then help yourself. No permission or royalty payments required any more.

First turning up in Thimble Theatre comic strip in Depression 1929 and making it to the silver screen in 1933, Popeye was tormented by Bluto/Brutus until he "can't stands it no more" and bulks up with spinach to overcome his foe.

Our EU enemies are harsher than the US who protect copyright for 95 years - 2024 in this case - but King Features own the Popeye trademark and aren't expected to go down without a struggle on this one. Disney obtained a special extension on Mickey Mouse copyright until 2023 from Congress but the clock is ticking on them as well.

Stupid fact:
The burger-crazy character J. Wellington Wimpey gave his name to the Wimpey restaurant chain. If you get that in a pub quiz then you owe TheEye a beer.

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Ground Offensive

TheEye would like to Hat-Tip The Croydonian for a marvellous headline:

Israelis consider ground offensive in Gaza

As he observes...was the ground grumpy? Angry? Depressed? Vaguely not amused? Unhappy to be there? Was sea or air preferable for a sparky conversation? It's here.

TheEye suspects that Israel probably had a few plants die in a rather chalky garden and just blagged it to the wife.

Mr C has also spotted the ultimate riposte in the brilliantly named "Unhung Cooperative Farm" and the article in the Korean newspaper "Love For Soil".

TheEye can do no more than direct you to The Croydonian because this nonsense is just too outrageous to believe. You can't make his stuff up.

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BlogRoll Suggestion: Falling Down

TheEye has observed that a blog called Falling Down has become aware of our non-corporeal existence and has alerted his readers to this fact. This may or may not be a disturbing occurrence.

The blogger, who calls himself "The Screech" is quite blunt - if you don't like swearing then don't bother to go there - and to give him firm credit he makes self-professed serial swearer Devil's Kitchen seem very tame. Entertainment value on this site is guaranteed in bucket-loads.

If very close to the bone commentary on politics, society and, well, random stuff, is your thing then it's on my blogroll...why not yours? Head over and see if it's for you.

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Monday, December 29, 2008

The Queen's Speech

So our Prime Mentalist intends to address his grateful nation on New Year's Day.

If TheEye had hair it would be washing it. Or something. Eyebrows maybe.

We are to be told by the One Eyed Son Of The Manse that his recession will test "the character" of the British people - one that the British people "must pass". The public needs to display the same spirit as during WW2 and "rise to the challenge".

The man is clearly insane.

We will be instructed to "build a better tomorrow today" and ordered to worship the Obamessiah. The One, apparently, will solve global (warming/cooling/change/whatever it is this week) with a wave of his hand. They are going to be "a global coalition for change."

Luckily the Snot-Gobbler won't use the other BHO election phrase "Yes We Can" which always reminds TheEye of 'Bob The Builder'.

Not bothering to worry about the Metropolitan Police, who only go after Tories who receive leaked documents, the widely leaked speech will tell us "So that we will eventually look back on the winter of 2008 as another great challenge that was thrown Britain's way, and that Britain met" which perpetuates the myth that it's all Johnny Foreigner's fault and the fact that Labour spent OUR money like sailors for the last decade and left us in the worst position in Europe to recover from this shambles is somehow to the credit of Flush Gordon.

And anyone who uses the expression, as he will, (where is the leak enquiry Bob Quick? Eh?) "as we build tomorrow today" needs to be in a padded cell and not running a country.

Picture shamelessly borrowed from The Lone Voice. And the post title is of course not a reference to the ongoing rumours about Browns sexuality. Oh no.

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Sunday, December 28, 2008

Advertising Pays

There’s a great article in the Independent on Sunday (and it's not often you get to say that) about how a 2009 general election might be fought with the campaigning advertising that will be appearing on poster sites all over the country.

The paper asked half a dozen top advertising agencies to come up with some ideas and reproduced here are three of the twelve that are featured in the article.

The Thatcher-linked Labour creation produced by the Green-consultancy almost certainly won't be used. It would be liked by Labour activists but many Tories would be delighted to see David compared with Baroness Thatcher.

ACQA’s creation for the Lib Dems “The Borrowers” using the movie poster theme is a powerful way of getting over Labour’s current strategy - but it would probably work better as a Tory poster.

The best Tory poster comes from 360 Degrees Advertising - a simple message which juxtaposes Labour’s brand colour with the not-so-subtle reminder about who got us all in this awful mess.

Labour will doubtless try what’s worked in the last three elections - attempt to scare voters about the consequences of the inevitable spending cuts that any government will need to impose after Broon's recession- and on current polling it's doubtless going to be a Conservative one which will have to make the hard decisions.

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Katherine Jenkins To The Rescue

Despite being a non-coporeal being, TheEye appreciates the finer things in life, and regards Katherine Jenkins as an opera singer with very fine lungs.

Apparently someone called "Leona Lewis" refused to open the Phony Pharaoh's shop this year for the start of the Harrods Winter Sale. TheEye has no idea who Lewis is but doubts that she is any match for her replacement: a 27-year-old mezzo soprano. From her Wikipedia page, Lewis seems just to be someone with too much frizzy hair.

Lewis refused the "gig" because Harrods sells fur and was replaced by the gorgeous Katherine. Why wasn't she the first choice? Apparently some sandal-wearing tree-huggers shouted abuse at Katherine when she opened the sale for that very reason.

Oh well. That'll bother her, won't it? Ha! But she's lucky the Metropolitan Police didn't feel her collar considering their current spasm of political correctness.

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Saturday, December 27, 2008

Have An Opinion? Blog!

The always indispensable Croydonian is very fond of surveys and research, and sometimes uses the Washington-based Pew Research Center for People & the Press as a source, although he hasn't used this result (yet).

He blogs rather than produces a dead-tree newsletter, which seems very sensible as the latest from the Pew shows that apparently the internet has overtaken newspapers as a source for national and international news for Americans.

However, the survey found that television remains the preferred medium for Americans. Simpsons and the Superbowl don't blog well, it seems.

The research found that Americans had changed their news-consumption habits significantly in just the last year. Forty per cent of the 1,489 people surveyed by Pew said they get most of their news from the internet, up from 24 per cent in September 2007, and more than the 35 per cent who use newspapers as their main news source. One wonders whether the Presidential election had an influence in this switch and if it will reverse.

But 70 per cent said television is their primary source for national and international news which probably explains the US election result with every major news station shamelessly shilling for the Obamessiah.

Only 59 per cent of people younger than 30 years old prefer television down from 68 per cent in the September 2007 survey.

The research, conducted earlier this month, comes at a time of job cuts at US newspapers amid the economic downturn and its knock-on effect on advertising revenue. Some, including the Christian Science Monitor, have completely abandoned their daily print editions in favour of publishing online.

TheEye won't miss the CSM but will be grumpy if The Spectator fails to appear.

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How To Inflame Old Tensions

In an exercise in what might be regarded as rather poor taste, Estonia has published a 2009 calendar of WW2 recruitment posters for the the 20th (1st Estonian) Waffen Grenadier Division of the SS.

The calendar sold out in three days and had to be reprinted. It has 12 reproductions of SS posters encouraging Estonians to fight the Soviets and shows soldiers in German uniforms with Estonian collar badges.

The uniforms show a large E bisected by a sword, rather than the double lightning flash symbol of the SS. This is not historically entirely accurate as both uniforms were worn by the Division.

Estonia has 1.3 million citizens, of which a quarter are Russians - never comfortable or welcome in the homes given to them in the days of occupation by the USSR - and they are not happy about this at all. It was recognised at Neuremburg that most of the Estonians fighting for the Nazis were not volunteers but were forcibly drafted when their SS division was founded in 1944. They were not found to be war criminals even in the highly-charged post-war period of trials.

Some of the treatment of Jews by the Estonian Police Force was by contrast, unforgivable.

Although having to swear allegience to Hitler, they were joined by their Finnish neighbours in the fight against the Red Army and when Estonian independence was briefly restored in September 1944 they turned their guns on the Germans and the Soviets alike.

Aimur Kruuse (38) Managing Director of the calendar's publisher Grenader Grupp, insisted that it did not support or propagate Nazi ideas and that the calendar was "not about the SS".

"People like military history and next year we may do something connected with Russian or German war history," he said. "Estonian soldiers did not have the chance to fight during the Second World War in Estonian uniforms," Mr Kruuse said. "The members of the legion tried to bring freedom to Estonia, or to give their families time to escape to the west before the Red Army returned to kill them or send them to Siberia."

It seems like a storm in a teacup but I certainly wouldn't have one on my kitchen wall.

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Friday, December 26, 2008

A Letter From Our Moscow Correspondent

It would be hard to believe that most of TheEye's regular readers are not frequent denizens of Komsomolskaya Pravda. So therefore it is only for passing blog visitors that one feels the need to relate the sorry tale (reported today) of a naked couple pulled from a freezing river after their car plunged off the bank whilst they were having sex.

The intimate couple told rescue workers in Moscow that they were making love as they drove to a well-known beauty stop beside the Lihoborka River.

However when they arrived neither they nor the car could stop and it kept going right into the water.

Rescuers winched the driver and his 26-year-old girlfriend to safety where paramedics treated them for exposure.

TheEye wishes their continuing relationship much success.

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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas

TheEye wishes his family, his friends including his fellow contributor St Crispin; and all of the readers of this site - a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year (despite the worrying omens from the economic entrails).

Christmas has once again been hijacked by the Politically Correct lobby and again we have Winterval Festivals and the like from leftists. On the plus side, Red Ken's old GLA ‘Multi-Faith Concert’ was cancelled this year by Boris and he instead forced through a GLA Christmas Carol Service.

Good for him. And he's gone a step further, his culturally sensitive multi-faith outreach Christmas card is… well, a Christmas card (pictured).

Please keep in your thoughts all servicemen and servicewomen currently serving abroad, and the families and friends that they are apart from.

TheEye has only been active for three months but has already built up a regular group of readers. If the current quality seen in the Comments continues then this site will grow and grow in 2009. Thankyou one and all.

Merry Christmas

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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

You Can't Beat A Bit Of Bad Luck (Russian Edition)

TheEye was rather amused to see the following series of news items sequentially on the Pravda website. You don't need to read them really as they are mostly propaganda and tractor production statistics.

Just read the titles here...the oldest one is at the top, so feel scared as you read the older ones and then laugh when you get to the one at the bottom which was published today.

Russia modernizes its superpowerful Bulava missile to crush USA’s ABM system (02/16/2007)

Strategic submarine of new generation to be finished soon in Russia
(27/03/2007)


Russia builds new nuclear sub equipped with Bulava-M quasi-ballistic missiles (19/04/2007)

All looking good for the Ruskies so far...

Russia to build up-to-date base for nuclear submarines equipped with superpowerful Bulava missiles (10/7/2007)

Russia launches serial production of Bulava missiles to minimize US missile defense efforts (02/12/2008)

...so far, so Cold War...and then today....

Russia’s Bulava missile explodes during decisive test (23/12/2008) Hahahaha

The test launch of the sea-based Bulava intercontinental ballistic missile ended unsuccessfully Tuesday. The self-destructing mechanism of the missile was activated soon after it had been launched from the Dmitry Donskoy nuclear submarine, Interfax reports with reference to a source at the Russian defense industry. The first and the second stages of the missile operated according to a standard procedure, but a malfunction occurred during the operation of the third stage. The missile was given a command to destroy itself. The self-destruction of the Bulava rocket caused no injuries. It was previously reported that Russia's top military officials viewed this test as a decisive launch. The military administration of the Russian Federation was going to pass the Bulava missile into service to begin a serial production of the complex in case of a successful launch. There were seven launches of the Bulava rocket made before, and four of them ended unsuccessfully, news agencies report.

I reckon a few Comrades may end up in a gulag for this one.

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Big Enough To Swing A Cat?

In ridiculous news today, TheEye has been tipped off about plans by architect Tom Stebbings to build a nine-foot wide house.

It'll be three storeys high and will be built on the site of a garage (
pictured) in Albert Street, Bury St Edmunds in Suffolk. Somehow there will be two double bedrooms.

The plan was described as "madness" by a local councillor at the Planning and Development Committee meeting which approved it because it is in a historic part of the area and apparently would look very out of place. You wouln't guess that from the photograph of two councillors and a tapemeasure though, so TheEye assumes that there is a castle or something right behind the photographer.

This would make it the narrowest house in Great Britain.

Next door at No.8 are apparently not pleased at all.

For those who like their trivia,
ElReg would describe these as 'Bootnotes'

  • Bury already has the smallest pub in the UK: "The Nutshell" at 15ft x 7ft.
  • A house in Scotland nicknamed "The Wedge" has a front 47ins but widens to 11ft.
  • "The Wedge" sold for £27,000 in the year 2000.
Hat-Tip to regular reader 'Captain Picard'

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Monday, December 22, 2008

Stocking Fillers - The Last Chapter (Eurofighter)


This article in the excellent "The Register" Lists more of the woes of the jolly old Eurofighter (Typhoon to you & me, but I suspect not to our square headed co-owners), and along with it, the woes of the Jolly old RAF.

Apparently we are now "pooing on our own doorstep" by dumping our unwanted tranche 1 & 2 aircraft (the unusable fighter only variant) on countries like Saudi Arabia, and Japan.

These would have been potential purchasers of brand new planes which I can only presume the economic plan for the whole project was based on. Now, since it is so useless, we (and presumably German & Italy as well) do not want the fighter only variant.

The tranche 3 plane is simply a desperate scramble (pun intended) to make the Eurofighter relevant. As we all know, the EF is simply not capable of being made "multirole" due to it's instability, and inability to operate at the low speeds that would make it usefull as a Fighter Ground Attack (FGA) aircraft.

The Artical also points out that like the carriers we are trying to push out the costs of tranche 3 to a later date where they will cost more, and be less relavent!

So, pick up a bargain tranche 1 or 2 EF for the man in your life!

St C

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Sunday, December 21, 2008

Stocking Filler Ideas (Continued): The Fleet Air Arm

In its ongoing campaign to irritate St Crispin's Day, the RAF is now reported to want to take over the Royal Navy’s Fleet Air Arm and assume control of all Army helicopters. The justification is that it would shave £1 billion from the defence budget.

Apparently the Royal Navy clashed with the RAF at a meeting of senior officers and civil servants last week. Admirals are furious about the campaign - conducted under their slogan “One Nation, One Air Force” which would mean the Fleet Air Arm scrapped in 2013. That's just a few months before its centenary.

Air Chief Marshal Sir Glenn Torpy, Chief of the Air Staff, is proposing to scrap all 75 Harrier jump jets shared between the RN and the RAF faster than previously scheduled.

Helicopters operated by the Army Air Corps, formed in 1957, would also come under RAF control. The include Apache gunships which support troops on the front line, although transports such as the Chinook are already flown by the RAF.

The changes would leave the Royal Navy with no planes for its new carriers if they ever turn up until the Joint Strike Fighter is introduced, which won't happen until at least 2017. The RAF want their pilots to fly the new aircraft from the carriers. Senior naval sources say Admiral Sir Jonathon Band, the first sea lord, has threatened to resign over the plans, although the Ministry of Defence said the claim misrepresented his views.

John Hutton, the Defence Secretary, told forces chiefs to come up with a plan to make up a £2 billion shortfall in their budget at last week’s meeting of the defence board. A drop in the number of helicopters across the forces from the current 580 to 320 would also mean the axeing of bases and hundreds of posts.

The Army Air Corps and Fleet Air Arm are vulnerable because, under plans announced earlier this month, their 300 Lynx and Gazelle helicopters will be replaced by just 62 Future Lynx craft. Army sources said the cut in helicopter numbers mean that two Army Air Corps frontline regiments would have to be disbanded by 2014, resulting in the loss of more than a third of the organisation’s 3,000 personnel.

The Royal Naval Air Service was set up in 1914 and pioneered the use of aircraft carriers. In 1945, the successor Fleet Air Arm, had 3,700 planes flying from the navy’s 59 carriers.

TheEye is irrationally sentimental about these things and deplored the recent butchery of the old Regiments with no regards for tradition or history. This idea is also very stupid. Here we go again.

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Saturday, December 20, 2008

Further Stocking Filler Ideas: AWE Aldermaston

TheEye is slightly nervous as to how furious the reaction of the excellent fellow Eye contributor and also individual blogger St Crispin's Day may be to the announcement today that the Government has sold off our remaining stake in AWE Aldermaston.

Don't tell him or it could all get horribly unpleasant.

On the front page of today's Independent we see that, even on a quiet news day Labour still think that they can get away with sneaking out the sale of the Government's remaining share in our Atomic Weapons Establishment.

Shadow Defence Minister Gerald Howarth has stepped up to the plate; suggesting that the Government must be "strapped for cash" and that by failing to announce the move to the House of Commons it is "holding Parliament in contempt in respect to Britain’s nuclear capabilities".

PoliticsHome has his statement to the BBC:

“It has even been announced here. Parliament hasn’t been told. There has always been a reluctance by this Labour government to be open and frank about issues to do with the nuclear deterrent. What we want to know is what are the strategic implications of this.

“I suspect that it’s another sale by the government, in this kind of fire sale they’re undertaking. Obviously Gordon Brown is strapped for cash, and he wants to get the money from wherever he can. There is also a real reluctance to interact with Parliament on something that is absolutely crucial.


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From Our South Korean Correspondent

A very entertaining part of TheEye's day is casting its gaze over The Croydonian's site. The regular updates on DPRK-Watch are always good value for money.

As such stories are covered excellently there, the glance is therefore diverted southward to a less entertaining story but still one which ends in tears, bloodshed and lost teeth. Sympathy? None at all. It involves politicians.

The National Post tells us of a South Korean parliamentary committee introducing a free trade bill with the US kicking off a spectacular fight where sledgehammer-wielding Members of Parliament struggled to break through a barricade of office furniture.

We read: "South Korea and the United States reached the free trade deal last year. The agreement, which is expected to add about $20-billion to annual two-way trade of $78-billion, has not been approved by legislatures in either country.

The conservative Grand National Party (GNP), which holds a majority in South Korea's 299-seat National Assembly, said it wants to approve the deal by the end of this year. Surveys show a majority of South Koreans support the deal while bureaucrats and business leaders say it will help raise local standards to international levels in key areas such as financial services.

GNP members barricaded themselves in the foreign affairs committee and formally introduced the legislation seeking to approve the deal. The opposition Democratic Party had threatened to physically block the measure from being considered. Opposition MPs said the deal would hurt farmers who would face stiff competition as protectionist measures are rolled back.

Democratic Party members tried to force their way into the chamber with sledgehammers and crow bars. TV footage showed one person at the scene bleeding from his head while another person lost a few teeth in a scuffle. A couple of doors were knocked off their hinges while a desk in the barricade behind those doors was reduced to splinters.

Both sides blamed the other for the fight with the GNP suggesting in a statement the Democrats were "a party of thugs" and the Democrats calling the GNP "arrogant."

B Hussein Osama has already said that he is concerned about the free trade deal. His staff are bleating particularly about the sections relating to the car sector, but essentially a non free-trade Democrat Congress will be happy to see US businesses go to the wall rather than cross their Union paymasters. Oh well, Happy Christmas to US workers - you voted Democrat so I've no sympathy when you pay the price with your jobs.

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More Stocking Filler Suggestions

Always on the lookout for that final stocking-filler, TheEye happens upon this book called "Toujours Tingo: Weird words and bizarre phrases".

Compiled by Adam Jacot de Boinod, it lists weird words and bizarre phrases from around the world. The "tingo" of its title is an Easter Island word, meaning to borrow objects from a friend's house one by one until there are none left.

Here are some of the best ones:

Gwarlingo: Welsh description of the sound of a grandfather clock before it strikes.
Pisan zapra: Malay for the time needed to eat a banana.
Layogenic: Filipino for someone good-looking from afar but ugly up close.
Mouton enragé : French for someone calm who loses their temper - literally, "an enraged sheep".
Kati-kehari: Hindi meaning to have the waist of an elegant lion.
Yupienalle: Swedish for a mobile phone - literally, "yuppie teddy" like a security blanket.
Ikibari: Japanese, a "lively needle" and describing a man who is willing but under-endowed.
Tantenverführer: German for a young man with suspiciously good manners.
Fensterln: German for climbing through a window to avoid someone's parents so you can have sex without them knowing.
Stroitel: Russian for a man who likes to have sex with two women at the same time.
Okuri-okami: Japanese for a man who feigns thoughtfulness by offering to see a girl home only to try to molest her once he gets in the door - literally, a "see-you-home wolf"
Trennungsagentur: German for someone hired by a woman to tell her boyfriend he has been dumped.
Momma ko ene: Cheyenne for having red eyes from crying over your boyfriend marrying someone else.
Kanjus Makkhichus: Hindi description of someone so tight that if a fly falls into their tea they'll fish it out and suck it dry before throwing it away.
Tlazlimquiztli: Aztec for the smell of adulterers.
Nosom Para Oblake: Serbian for "he is ripping clouds with his nose", describing someone conceited.
Traer la lengua de corbata: Latin American Spanish for to be exhausted - literally, to have your tongue hanging out like a man's tie
Sjostygg: Norwegian for someone so ugly the tide refuses to come in if they stand on the shore.
Lolo: Hawaiian for someone who would gladly give you the time if only they could read a clock.
Lalew: Filipino word meaning to grieve so much you can't eat.
Nito-onna: Japanese for a woman so dedicated to her career that she has no time to iron blouses and so resorts to dressing only in knitted tops.
Buaya darat: Indonesian for a man who fools women into thinking he's a very faithful lover when in fact he goes out with many different women at the same time - literally, a land crocodile
Chantepleurer: French for singing at the same time as crying.
Hira hira: Japanese for the fear you get from walking into a decrepit old house in the middle of the night.
Les avoir a zero: French for "to have one's testicles down to zero", or be frightened.
Du kannst mir gern den buckel runterrutschen und mit der zunge bremsen: Austrian for "go to hell" – literally "You can slide down my hunchback using your tongue as a brake".

TheEye intends to slip some of these in to conversation as the new year unfolds.

In the course of searching t'interweb for a suitable image for this post. TheEye was also amused to discover the existence of a Fort Nonsense National Park in New Jersey.

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Friday, December 19, 2008

Anonymous

Anonymous? TheEye is and needs to remain so. TheEye is known to those to whom it wishes to be known and is unknown to others. Keeping one's job requires political neutrality and a politically slanted blog would therefore be awkward to say the least.

TheEye's gaze, however, moves across a post with a certain concern over at PoliticalBetting (a daily scan from here) which reads today:

Could bloggers be made more vulnerable to libel?

"I’ve just received some information that could have major consequences for bloggers.

My understanding is that a green paper will be published in the New Year setting out plans to make it easier for people to sue for defamation. The idea is to cut down the disproportionate costs of bringing a libel action and there’s even a suggestion that there could be a small claims court for libel.

The move is bound to be seen as a way of dealing with government irritants such as Guido and to a lesser extent Iain Dale.

It could have serious consequences for PB as well. The ability for people to publish comments instantly is one of the things that makes this site. If everything had to be moderated before going out then PB could not exist in the form that we know at the moment.

Mike Smithson"

This is not a good thing.

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Soul Trader

As a non-corporeal being TheEye cannot have committed a sin. However, as the picture shows, souls have been literally weighed for purity in the past.

With a newly-found and certain nervousness about one's lack of physical being, TheEye is worried that eBay has now banned the selling of one's soul.

Without the backdrop of a Confessional or the council of the fellow non-corporeal Archbishop Cranmer, TheEye will keep his own council as to past misdeeds. Most amusing to note that the soul 'item' was described as "used" though. From memory there was once an attempted sale on eBay of an 'air-guitar' which was noted in the description as "slightly scratched".

Selling of the soul no longer looks like the retirement option.

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Conor Cruise O'Brien RIP

It comes as a blow when towering politicians and journalists of our time pass on, and TheEye was saddened to see that Conor Cruise O'Brien is no longer with us. Although 91 is a fine innings for anybody, The Cruiser managed to cram in more in that time than most of us will ever manage.

No-one will need any introduction to this former Irish Minister and most erudite journalist. TheEye observes a bland and brief yet slightly informative article on the BBC website and of course a more expansive Wikipedia article. However a personal tribute from a friend is always the most valuable and so TheEye points you towards A Tangled Web to read David Vance's personal memories on his post "Death Of My Political Friend" here. Please take time to read it.

Conor Cruise O'Brien RIP

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Spear Chuckers With Prams

TheEye has no sympathy for the politically correct thought-police who now seem to rule our lives.

However a small amount of pity can be found for the desk-bound cretin who has to work this tricky one out: what do you do with a "lesbian Asian bus driver" sacked now by Brisbane City Council after she wrote a note referring to commuters as “spear chuckers with prams”. It's enough to make a grown PC drone weep in confused frustration.

Much thought and effort was invested in finding a suitable picture for this story and TheEye regrets that this was the most suitable and family-friendly compromise. Fun, though.

The PC brigade will be in twists over this story, so it will be conveniently ignored.

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The Ultimate Stocking Filler

Bouyed by a splendid contribution from St Crispin's Day, TheEye feels it can relax, slip back into the metaphorical armchair and contemplate the buying of Christmas gifts for its corporeal friends.

And so one's gaze turns to the ultimate in Something-For-The-Person-Who-Has-Everything: A Space Shuttle.

Yes, TheEye kids you not. NASA's soon-to-be-retired space shuttles are really up for grabs.

The space agency said Wednesday it's looking for ideas on where and how best to display its space shuttles once they stop flying in a few years. It's put out a call to schools, science museums and "other appropriate organizations" that might be interested in showcasing one of the three remaining shuttles.

Be careful though - NASA estimates it will cost about $42 million to get each shuttle ready and get it where it needs to go, and the final bill could end up much more.

The estimate includes $6 million to ferry the spaceship atop a modified jumbo jet to the closest major airport. But the price could skyrocket depending on how far the display site is from the airport. Only indoor, climate-controlled displays will be considered.

"The orbiters will not be disassembled for transportation or storage," NASA insists in its nine-page request for information.

One space shuttle appears headed to the Smithsonian Institution's National Air and Space Museum in Washington. The remaining two would be placed in storage at Kennedy Space Center until their final homes are decided.

If a space shuttle is too pricey, NASA is offering some of its shuttle main engines for anywhere between $400,000 and $800,000, not counting shipping costs.

The space shuttles, so you know, will not come with any main engines.

NASA plans to retire Discovery, Atlantis and Endeavour by Sept. 30, 2010, in keeping with President George Bush's initiative calling for a return by astronauts to the moon by 2020.

A transition team set up by the Obamessiah is reviewing other options, however, including the possibility of keeping the shuttles flying beyond 2010.

If that happens, then all space shuttle deals are off.

Wait for the January sales and you might grab a bargain.

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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Big Ticket Items

The military budget is spattered with a myriad of projects & schemes from £100k to multi billion projects.

Each of the services has a big ticket item (to coin a current business speak phrase).

These are

1. Navy - Carriers (recently this project has slipped a bit, and looks rocky, but stick with me)

2. Army - Future Rapid Effects System

3. RAF - Eurofighter

For all these, the respective service chiefs would be prepared to "die in a ditch" defending.

Arguably there is a 4th, Political option, and that is "Nuclear" in the Trident renewal commitment made by El Gordo.

Now, we know full well in our heart-of-hearts that 4 multi billion pound projects are simply never going to get completed, and that at best, we can manage 3 (or more probably 2 and the third will be half baked!).

Now lets concider the timings of these things.

The whole british military is currently designed around the Holy Grail of fighting nations, namely LSDI (Large Scale Direct Intervention) which is the politically correct term for what used to be known as "fighting a proper war with a worthy opponent".

For this we need a load of goodies, but mostly we need a deployable division (We have 1 & 3 at the moment) plus air superiority (much as it pains me, this is the jolly old RAF with their "crates"), and possibly a military sealift / amphibious capablility.

BUT. The massive overstretch that the army component has suffered in the last 5 years has knocked the stuffing out of it, and the big wigs have just done the sums, and told the government that it will not be able to deploy it's division (if called upon) until at least 2016!!!

So No LSDI until 2016

This leaves some interesting questions / observations.

1. That we could simply cancel all eurofighter operations / flying /upgrades/ maintenance for the next 3, 4 or even 5 years. This would still give them 3-4 years to get ready to be able to provide the Army with it's air superiority. C'mon RAF, we all need to make sacrifices! It is after all, All they are there for!!

2. That the Joint Strike Fighter, that is the essence of the Carriers is not going to be available to us until (at best efforts) 2012. Therfore, postponing the cariers is not such a loss as they are useless without the "crates".

My money is on the Trident programm being the one that is "half baked, and the Eurofighter being drasticly cut. What say you?

St Crispin.

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Thank you! Thank you!

Well, as Julian Clary may say "thank you for that warm hand uppon my entrance!"

It is I St Crispin! Yes, author of the now flagging blog www.stcrispinsday.com (blog also seems to be suffering an SQL problem if anyone can help?).

I got to know The Eye via blogging, and a mutual mate James Cleverly, now London Assembly Memeber for Bromley & Bexley. We have also had a few ales together in a far flung part of the empire!

I'm ex-forces, and still do a bit of fighting-the-Queen's-enemies to keep my hand in!

Now, onto the business of the day. Blogging. To whet your appetite, I will be speaking off the record about my thoughts on how military spending is about to come off the tracks, and how, perhaps we can put a bit of it right, and at the same time return the military to the state it was in before that 90 year experiment that has had it's day (The RAF for those of you who can't keep up).

Toodleoo!

St Crispin

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Changes to "incorrect" lyrics of Christmas carols

TheEye has a profound regard for the beliefs of all, and as it sees all, it will be watching every church (Brixworth Church is randomly pictured) at Christmas.

However a certain annoyance has descended on TheEye as a result of fresh news of political correctness attacking age-old traditions for no other reason than that they can.

'The Age' tells us of the latest assault on Christmas carols.

Old favourites such as Hark the Herald Angels Sing and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen are being altered by some British clergy to make them more "modern and inclusive". But churchgoers are complaining that the result is a "festive car crash" if not everyone is singing from the same hymn sheet....

Okay, a terrible cliche, but they make a reasonable point.

Among the "theologically modified, politically corrected" carols are Hark the Herald Angels Sing in which the line "Glory to the newborn King" has been replaced by "Glory to the Christ child, bring".

The well-known refrain of O Come All Ye Faithful - "O come let us adore Him" - has also been changed in one church to "O come in adoration", both changes apparently made for fear that the original was sexist. "(One reader) wrote in asking if the original line was considered too gender-specific," Mr Goddard said. "But as he rightly pointed out, Jesus wasn't hermaphrodite, neither was he a girl."

Churchgoers at one carol service will not be allowed to sing the words "all in white" during Once in Royal David's City in case they appear racist, while another cleric has removed the word "virgin" from God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

If you end up in a church which has gone down this path...sing the traditional words loudly and with pride.

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Dreaming Of A MiGgy Christmas

We see today that Russia intends to give 10 MiG-29 fighter jets to Lebanon as a "gift".

No strings attached there, obviously.

Mikhail Dmitriyev, the head of Russia's Federal Military and Technical Cooperation Service, is also quoted as saying Moscow and Beirut are negotiating the sale of armour to Lebanon for its ground forces.

"Russia's Defense Ministry has decided to supply 10 of its MiG-29 fighters to Lebanon as a form of military and technical assistance," Dmitriyev was quoted by Reuters.

This is being paid for by Russia's Defence Ministry.

"We view the Lebanese army as the main guarantor of this nation's stability, therefore the armed forces of this country must be strengthened," Dmitriyev said.

Russia has sought to expand its clout in the Middle East and hopes to host a Mideast peace conference next year. It is a member of the so-called Quartet of Mideast Peacemakers, which includes the United States (that gig will be fun under B Hussein Obama), the EU (illegally represented as an entity until Ireland votes the 'correct' way' second time around) and the UN (don't even start me).

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HMS QM2?

TheEye has been promised a Guest Article from the undeniably top bloke who blogs as St Crispin's Day on this very subject of our new aircraft-carriers so has steered clear of a personal rant on the issue. If this had not been offered then a furious diatribe would have been posted long before now.

However, as we still sail in the calmer waters before the St Crispin's Day storm, this humble blog offers the words of a certain Ivan K Rowland who has submitted these most excellent thoughts to The Times.

Sir, Two new Royal Navy aircraft carriers were announced by the Labour Government in mid-1998. At about that same time, Cunard announced its plans to build the Queen Mary 2. Since then, the QM2 has been delivered, on time and to budget, and now has five years’ active service behind her. The aircraft carriers have not even left the drawing board yet and have already notched up expenses equal to the entire cost of the QM2. Perhaps the Admiralty and the Ministry of Defence should engage with the Carnival Corporation (Cunard’s parent company) on how to design and construct ships to time, on budget, and without excessive cost overruns.

TheEye cannot question the logic at all.

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I Can't Believe It's Not Butter

Never shy about reporting on breaking news which is vital to the future of our civilisation, TheEye needs to inform its readers of breaking news from Missouri.

A state legislator there wants to rescind a 19th-century law banning the sale of yellow margarine, though it's been years since any violator was ordered to spread 'em.

Rep. Sara Lampe plans to file legislation repealing the law when the 2009 legislative session starts in January.

Lampe is a Democrat, and therefore is used to wasting time and doing pointless things. Her district is called 'Springfield' as well, so insert any Simpsons jokes here.

Most of Missouri's restrictions on imitation butter date to 1895, and they were last amended in 1939. Although the state no longer enforces them, the penalties could still make dealers in contraband dairy product toast: up to a month in jail and a $100 fine for first-time offenders and six months in jail and a $500 fine for repeat offenders.

Enforcement of the law falls to the state Agriculture Department, and officials there didn't know when someone was last prosecuted under it. Case records from the late 19th and early 20th century show that Missouri courts upheld the constitutionality of the restrictions in several appeals.

Agriculture Department spokesman Misti Preston said it's likely that the Legislature restricted margarine and other imitation butter products to protect Missouri's dairy industry, which was a key business for the state in the early 20th century.

According to the National Association of Margarine Manufacturers, by 1902, 32 states home to 80 percent of Americans had restrictions on the colour of imitation margarine. Congress in 1886 passed a federal tax on the spread but that was repealed by President Harry S. Truman in 1950.

Richard Cristol, the president of the Washington-based margarine trade group, said that it's likely several states still have margarine restrictions on the books, though he's not aware of any actually enforcing them.

Lampe said she intends to keep on the books Missouri's existing definition for imitation butter and the prohibition against selling the substitute as real butter. Eliminating those provisions could allow for products to be advertised as butter when they are not, she said.

Lampe said she decided to look for a law that could be removed after asking constituents' ideas on new legislation.

"There are things in your closet that you don't wear, and it's important to clean that out so that you know what's there and know what's necessary," Lampe said.

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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

BBC sacks contractor over licence fee warning letters

TheEye sees everything and does not choose to pay the Television Tax - as it is obviously not necessary for a non-corporeal being to part with cash to observe events.

However the Daily LabourGraph informs us that BBC sacks contractor over licence fee warning letters containing false statistics

"The corporation took the action after it was forced to admit, following an investigation by The Sunday Telegraph, that 6.6 million inaccurate letters had been sent by its TV Licensing arm over the past three years. "

A huge victory has been gained in the fight against the telly-tax and also against the disgracefully threatening letters sent by the BBC's TV Licensing thugs. The company responsible for sending the letters, Proximity London, has been sacked by the BBC on Friday (12th Dec - sorry for the delay posting this) after it was uncovered that they were a bunch of knuckle-dragging thugs just making up statistics to justify themselves and their contract.

John Whittingdale - Chairman of the all-party Commons Culture, Media and Sport committee (and is also a top bloke), has rightly accused TV Licensing of behaving "like the Gestapo", employing "tactics that are outrageous".... "The tactics used by TV Licensing in their letters are intimidatory and cause genuine distress. Their records are not always correct, but they write letters that assume members of the public are criminals."

This entity used to think that Noel Edmonds was awful (TheEye can be a snob occasionally), but since he's joined newspaper columnist Charles Moore in boycotting the tax then maybe there is hope for dumping this nonsense.

TheEye heartily wishes that Biased-BBC gets more traffic...the political mood seems to be moving in the right direction for a change.

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Anti-Kidnap Expert Is Kidnapped...More Unbelievable Than Geoffrey Archer

There is a project called the Merida Initiative to control the rampant crime in Mexico. It is costing US taxpayers $1.6 billion.

TheEye casts a sharp gaze towards US affairs, knowing that when the US coughs, the world, as they say, catches a cold. And so TheEye is not pleased to note that on the US / Mexico border a bad situation keeps getting worse:

U.S. anti-kidnap expert kidnapped in Mexico

Someone must have enjoyed typing that headline.

Mexican gunmen have kidnapped a U.S. security consultant who negotiated the release of dozens of kidnap victims in Latin America.

Gunmen abducted Felix Batista outside a restaurant last Wednesday in the relatively safe northern industrial city of Saltillo in Coahuila state, Mexican authorities and his employer, security consultancy ASI Global, said on Monday.

Batista, a Miami-based Cuban American credited with negotiating the release of victims abducted by Colombian rebels, was snatched after he stepped outside the restaurant, answering a call on his cellular phone, Mexican media said.

The U.S. embassy in Mexico City said it was investigating and declined to comment further.
“He may have been targeted by organized crime in an attempt to show their power. Saltillo is not a kidnapping hot spot,” said a source at Coahuila state attorney general’s office.

Denial isn't only a river in Egypt. It would have got worse under either McCain or the Obamessiah but just get ready for catching that cold.

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Pots and Kettles (Pt.94)

One begins to worry sometimes whether sanity and grass-roots realism will surface in time to peg back the ever-encroaching grip of the EUSSR. Christopher Booker records here the disgraceful behaviour of certain Members of the European Parliament during their visit to Prague Castle recently and their outright rudeness and arrogance towards President Vaclav Klaus - the only EU-realist and sane climate "change" skeptic who is currently running an EU subject-state.

However the fun continues.

When President Vaclav Klaus visited Dublin there was an official dinner where he sat with the Irish Taoiseach, Brian Cowen. Doubtless their discussion over coffee of the EU Constitution wouldn't have helped the dessert to settle well.

In the meantime their wives were also gossiping merrily. Mary Molloy, of the Drumcondra Mafia, remarked that the Irish had "voted wrongly" when they rejected the Constitition . Livia Klausová, who is also a respected economist, apparently retorted, "Well, were they wrong when they elected your husband?"

As Cowen, like The One Eyed Son Of The Manse, was not elected as PM - as barbs go that was very sharp.

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Sunday, December 14, 2008

Brown: "Not Fit To Lick Churchill's Boots"

The contemptible One-Eyed Son of the Manse, Bottler Broon, the Snot-Gobbler, the Prime Mentalist...take your pick from any of the standard alternative names on the political side of the web...has just been attacked by Winston Churchill's grandson in no uncertain terms.

Except in his own mind, nothing can compare Brown to the great man (pictured). His advisers are specifically attempting to spin Brown as capturing the wartime spirit of Winston Churchill yesterday when he made an unannounced (except to all of the Press) pre-Christmas trip to the Afghanistan front line only hours after bombs killed four British troops in the area - some by a child with a bomb in a wheelbarrow.

The only thing to reduce the horror of this cynical visit was that he was flown to the top of Roshan Tower post in the Helmand fighting zone which was more to his credit than Tony Blair who, having a yellow streak wider than the Pacific Ocean, never left the safety of a fortified British base.

It was spun in the media that no British Prime Minister had been as close to a major front line since Winston Churchill in the Second World War. It was less noted that the base was defended by Gurkhas - who this government seem to have a complete contempt for. A full rant on the plight of Gurkhas is long overdue on this site and will be written soon.

But the comparison to Winston Churchill prompted a ferocious response from Tory MP Nicholas Soames - William Churchill’s grandson.

‘He is not fit to lick my grandfather’s boots,’ said Soames ‘One is a party hack and the other is our greatest-ever national leader.’

‘My grandfather led a charge at the Battle of Omdurman; Brown didn’t even have the courage to call a General Election.’

The Prime Mentalist invited more comparisons when he addressed/wasted valuable time of the troops at Bastion, paying tribute to their ‘service beyond the call of duty’...‘As Churchill said, courage is the greatest quality of all, because it is on courage that all else depends.

Operations in Afghanistan began in October 2001.

Since then, 132 British servicemen have lost their lives.

The four Marines were killed in two separate explosions near the town of Sangin.

Lance Corporal Fellows died in the first blast after a patrol triggered a booby-trap bomb; one hour later, a second patrol, which had been called to help, was hit by a bomb hidden in the wheelbarrow pushed by that 13-year-old boy.

The bomb was hidden under newspapers and detonated remotely, killing the three other Marines.

Apparently the boy had approached the patrol with a ‘broad smile on his face’.

‘We do not know if he even knew he was a suicide bomber – whether it was a smile of innocence or malice,’ an unnamed senior officer is reported to have said.


You won't know the four soldiers on the right of this screen.
They are:
Corporal Marc Birch
Sergeant John Manuel
Lance Corporal Steven Fellows
Marine Damian Davies
and each of them had more courage, bravery, integrity and downright grit in their little finger than Broon can even begin to have explained to him. He is a disgrace, and roll on the next election when we can be shot of him.

Remember these four men...and the 128 others who have fallen in our service in Afghanistan.

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Totty Watch - Miss World

Despite not existing as a corporeal being, TheEye is delighted to note the election of Kseniya Sukhinova (20) as the new Miss World.

Kseniya (if we may be so familiar) from north-west Russia (TheEye has her telephone number but isn't telling*), beat Miss India and Miss Trinidad and Tobago into second and third place in the annual letch-a-thon held this year in Johannesburg.

The competition was originally due to be held in October in the rather chillier location of Kiev but due to concerns over the security of the participants after Russia invaded Georgia it was moved to the much warmer climes of South Africa.

This may have not pleased the onlookers who were queuing to watch the swimsuit category.

She is currently studying engineering administration at the Tyumen Oil and Gas University so may not be a barrel of laughs (pun intended) over breakfast though.

Speaking through a translator "I think I can help people and I want to help people and today if I walk away with this crown I will do that."

Yep...don't bother with more than a single night.

The contestants from the British Isles (including Laura Coleman - Miss Leicestershire and Miss England) were not among the favourites. With Laura, there may be a requirement for breakfast - possibly a full English fry-up with extra bacon (TheEye skillfully avoided an eggs or sausage joke there, you notice, but please replace mentally if you wish) since winning Miss England as she apparently disgracefully bloated by one size to a whole size 10(!) and was told by modelling agencies to slim as she had become "too chunky".

* Hint: She lives in Nizhnevartovsk if you want to phone the local Directory Enquiries.

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"Some Corner Of A Foreign Field...."

Those who serve in the Armed Forces are people prepared to fight and to die for what they believe in. Fight for values, fight for freedom, fight for the soldier standing next to them, or sometimes, fight purely because they are ordered to do so. But fight bravely they always do.

This post recognises and honours the heroes of Operational Detachment Alpha 3336, 3rd Special Forces Group in Afghanistan. An excerpt from the Washington Post:

After jumping out of helicopters at daybreak onto jagged, ice-covered rocks and into water at an altitude of 10,000 feet, the 12-man Special Forces team scrambled up the steep mountainside toward its target — an insurgent stronghold in northeast Afghanistan.

“Our plan,” Capt. Kyle M. Walton recalled in an interview, “was to fight downhill.”

But as the soldiers maneuvered toward a cluster of thick-walled mud buildings constructed layer upon layer about 1,000 feet farther up the mountain, insurgents quickly manned fighting positions, readying a barrage of fire for the exposed Green Berets.

A harrowing, nearly seven-hour battle unfolded on that mountainside in Afghanistan’s Nuristan province on April 6, as Walton, his team and a few dozen Afghan commandos they had trained took fire from all directions. Outnumbered, the Green Berets fought on even after half of them were wounded — four critically — and managed to subdue an estimated 150 to 200 insurgents, according to interviews with several team members and official citations.

Today, Walton and nine of his teammates from Operational Detachment Alpha 3336 of the 3rd Special Forces Group will receive the Silver Star for their heroism in that battle — the highest number of such awards given to the elite troops for a single engagement since the Vietnam War.

I know that the views of some of my loyal readers vary on the various wars happening at the moment but please give thought to the bravery of these fine men, and also to the courage of their wives, girlfriends and children who wake every day in fear that they may receive the worst news.

There is a poem woven into the fabric of the military and is always worth re-reading: Rupert Boooke's The Soldier. "If I should die..."

This blog salutes these men.

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Postman Pat And His Black And White Privatisation

This site is unashamedly right-of-centre. If in power it would enact policies which would make David Cameron cringe. Tax-cuts and freedom. Liberty and justice. Social responsibility. The Union.

However politics has been turned on its head over the last few years - for example by a recent Home Secretary often outflanking the Tories on the Right. Here we have another example.

In a move which the Tories once considered but rejected as too politically risky, the first steps towards the privatisation of Royal Mail have been leaked/pre-announced this week as ministers kill off the biggest obstacles to a break-up.

"Lord" Mandelson, the Business Secretary (pictured in a traditional yet still appropriate pose), will apparently say that the government is going to take on the RM's £22 billion pension fund - which is in a bit of a hole by all accounts.

By taking responsibility for the scheme (one of the largest in Britain) the government will make Royal Mail more attractive to possible buyers. In theory the plan will give Royal Mail greater commercial freedom and enable it to start negotiations with EU rivals. In fact it will steal £22 billion of pension assets, dump the liability as a mortgage on future generations and they will get to spin it as salvation of the Royal Mail.

Crash Gordon again. When will it all stop?

TheEye instinctively supports small government and the private sector doing as much as possible - but a coherent plan is the important first step. Nothing half-baked or a compromise because that always goes wrong.

Any break-up would cause a political storm. Unions will bleat about potential huge job losses and Labour backbenchers will be scared of losing their seats for backing out on a specific manifesto commitment not to privatise the Royal Mail. The unions of course have not bothered to look at the merits or downside of any proposal and have simply reverted to type - going on strike. On a Friday just before Christmas.

Every child who doesn't get a present or a card in time should be told that the unions are responsible.

The children who doesn't get their present in time for Christmas can take away one bit of cheer though - they will have a big gift in the post. The debt this half-plan will give them when they are 30-ish and the tax bill they will need to pay to support it.

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Random Miscellany Featuring Beavers And Other Suspects

In the never-ending hunt for miscellany, TheEye casts its glower in the direction of the newly-valuable Austrian Times.

From here TheEye, who was brought up in the countryside and so is not daft about the fact that wild animals might actually do things without permission, found a most amusing story.

In Subkowy, Northern Poland, "campaigners" found 20 neatly stacked tree trunks and other trees marked with notches for felling at a beauty-spot. But when these idiots followed a trail left by a tree which had been dragged away - they found a beaver dam across a nearby river.

Perhaps the beavers could contribute to some sort of 'carbon offset' scheme along the lines of a hate-figure for this site - Al Bore.

At the Austrian Times we also get some excellent information about the world as it is.
Pre-chewed pencils for busy kids - an ideal stocking filler for the children.
An idiot has built a garden fence from over than 400 discarded skis.
...and with deference to my blogroll recommended friend TheCheeseYard
Mice eat themselves to death on 750k GBP of parmesan cheese

Check out some more of this site if you wish. It's very odd.

Serious matters return soon.

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Friday, December 12, 2008

Physician Heal Thyself

There are very few occasions when a screen-grab simply speaks for itself, and when they do come along they are simply priceless.

This is one such occasion.

From the The Daily Telegraph website on 10th Dec we are told about a UK judge who savaged lawyers for excessive fees after they'd represented a woman who had sued her former employer over repetitive-strain injury allegedly caused by typing..

Editorial errors are funniest when the article in question tackles the subject of typing and those producing the piece are highlighting other peoples' mistakes.

NOTE TO SELF: Proofreed thys article verry karefuly bfore posting.

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A Tangled Web - A Recommendation

TheEye, under another name, often makes a nuisance of itself over on Biased-BBC....a cause very close to one's retina (in all sorts of ways).

However, as the gaze has been cast wider, one has just observed that B-BBC Editor David Vance also hosts a site called A Tangled Web.

It features a mix of stories similar to those found on this site, only they are posted more frequently than here and although he will modestly deny it, one has to admit that the scribblings of David and his team are very well written. As the Eye leans towards military musings, A Tangled Web has a similar slant towards thoughts of Northern Ireland.

Another one for the Eye's blogroll and also a daily check by me I think.

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Ronald Reagan

"There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect."

Lady Thatcher

"If you lead a country like Britain, a strong country, a country which has taken a lead in world affairs in good times and in bad, a country that is always reliable, then you have to have a touch of iron about you."

Voltaire

"Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare."

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